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Question about his baby's mom & cancer...

myohe5's picture

Submitted by myohe5 on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:24am

So my boyfriend and I have a five month old together... he also has a four-year-old with someone he dated a while.
He has cancer and is constantly going to her for support or someone to talk to. He has said very hurtful things in the past comparing us, has discussed our relationship issues with her, and can't seem to respect that I don't believe they should be talking after I'm sleeping. I've let a lot slide because of this cancer, but I'm beginning to think that's just an excuse to communicate excessively with her without being at fault. I've lost trust with him.

Am I wrong for wanting to get out of this relationship partially due to them?
There are more factors such as his controlling nature, etc. but he and his family always make me feel like I'm in the wrong when MY friends or family tell me otherwise. I just can't handle it anymore...

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:30am

Cancer is not an excuse to disrespect your wife. If he needs to talk to her for support, you need to move on. As partners you should be each others greatest support system, not the ex or anyone else.

Missmozzer's picture

Submitted by Missmozzer on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:31am

Cancer or not, you should be his support. He should be leaning on you. That's pretty fishy. This may sound aholish but just because he has cancer doesn't mean your feelings don't matter. The comparing wouldn't fly with me either. I would be super pissed if I were you. I would tell him " I know you have cancer, and I know you are going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean you can talk to me however you please and treat me with disrespect. Also if your ex is so wonderful, why are you with me and not her?" I would let him have it. But that's just me. Also if I may ask, what kind of cancer and what stage?

myohe5's picture

Submitted by myohe5 on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:44am

I've pretty much said all I can at this point... but it is always one more "little innocent thing"
He has a rare form of late stage testicular cancer. Basically they believe it is incurable, but they have recently found a solution that may help. It is awful, but he uses cancer against me in every way possible. "what kind of person leaves someone with cancer?" "I can say or do what I want, I'm dying" "Just stay with me till I die and you'll get stuff" etc.
I feel like an b**** for considering leaving someone who could die, and I've accepted everyone will pass judgement.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:39am

You're not wrong at all. AT ALL.

Seems he's using his cancer as an excuse to do whatever he damn well pleases, knowing that you're going to give him all kinds of leeway because of it.

If he didn't have cancer, would you put up with it? Then don't put up with it because he does.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 8:49am

this is wrong. If I had cancer or some life issue, the very LAST person I would go to for support, someone to talk to etc. would be my ex? ESPECIALLY when I have a DH who is right there next to me ready to listen. This just makes no sense whatsoever. Your BF is using this an excuse to remain emotionally (or otherwise) involved with BM.

Gross.

myohe5's picture

Submitted by myohe5 on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 9:22am

to vent some more... it hurts that he feels the need to discuss everything with her bc their four-year-old will remember and it kills him, yet we have a baby and she won't understand so there's nothing to be said about that. but thank you all, it is nice to hear reassurance in my thoughts and decisions before having him brainwash me into believing I'm the one in the wrong.

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 10:08am

Honey, run from this relationship. You are right to have the feelings you do. Your SO shouldn't be discussing ANYTHING with Bm other than the kid. He is still emotionally attached to her and it's not fair to you. Cancer or not he's treating you like a door mat.