I think you need to regain a sliver of your own life. It is great that you are there for your boyfriend but you are slowly burning out.
Pull back every so little and do something for yourself. You are a doormat for your boyfriend and his ex partners. And I think this is beginning to get to you.

And seriously, make yourself less available. The next time he tells/ asks you to play/watch the kids just tell him "Sorry. I have some friends to meet. I will be back in a couple of hours."
Even birth mothers get to escape from time to time.

How long have you been with your SO?

I didn't quite understand the wallet thing so if you can elaborate for clarification for me I would appreciate it and get back to you on my thoughts about that but as of now I think I'm missing something.

As for the four year old; I have a five year old stepson. He just made five last month and I will tell you I think Year 4 was the only difficult year we've had so far. Boys are easier I think especially if you're dealing with a young age. But he could still turn on you. I have to remind myself that all the time. There will come a time when his mommy is all that is going to matter and she is going to let him think that like with the money now and it never being enough. That's a mentality she is projecting (Dad is an ATM). As for the 15 year old...I have no comment really because I'm lucky enough to only deal with SS5 but I know that if my DH would have had a girl or more than one child, I never would have stayed. Except for the usual advice: never bad talk BM in front of the kids/earshot, let their bio parents be responsible for disciplining them, refuse any and all contact with both BMs and keep yourself from becoming the "help" I think the rest is going to be rocky smooth. If you want BMs to stop invading into your life over little things like a wallet run then that's something you should blame/talk with your SO about because he's the one who lets it happen.

Disengage from the moms. You have no need for any interaction with them. Do not go places where they will be. Do not do exchanges at your home. Tell your boyfriend not to talk to you about their drama. If he has a problem with them asking for money he needs to consistently say no, that is what child support is for. If he has a problem with them asking favors he needs to consistently say no I am not doing that for you. He needs to deal with them and not drag you into it.

I did it and it was the best move I made. Unfortunately it took me calling the police to our house when BM attacked me for my husband to realize that he needed to make it his job to keep us apart too. But since then it has worked great and my stress levels are much lower.

:jawdrop: "we" pay maintenance ??

oh NO Hon, stop contributing at all, if your BF can not afford living after he paid CS, it should not be your problem to support him, he can get a second job.

the 2 BM's contacting you... another big NO NO.... block them immediately from your phone, they are just abusing your good nature and their children is not your responsibility, stay the cool Fathers's Girl friend playing and chatting with the skids, but avoid contact with the mothers, if they have problems, they can talk to the bio Dad.... and he should only pay CS as per CO... nothing less and nothing more.

First thing...you said WE pay CS. A lot of ppl on here say that you need to separate yourself totally from your SO when it comes to money and such. That is a matter of opinion only. I am married and my DH and I share finances so what he spends and does affects me, therefore I have a say in what happens beyond what is in the court order. Do I directly talk to BM about money? NO...but if something comes up and she asks for something outside the CO my DH and I will discuss..see if it fits our budget and make a decision together if it is manageable. If this is your case then you need to sit down with your BF and make a game plan on how to handle these extras that the BMs keep asking for. If it doesn't fit in your budget then BF has to be the one to say no.

IF your finances are separate then you really shouldn't worry about how he spend his money unless he cannot pay for his share of your joint bills. A second job? Maybe...but the more income the higher the CS will be...so may not be the right solution. If this is the case then it's back to the first paragraph because it certainly affects you.

There is also such a thing as boundaries. You walk a fine line with this one because you say actually CAN deal with the BMs and they deal with you. That being said you need to talk to BF and make it clear that the BMs should be contacting for kids only. Period. Some people call it marking territory or staking a claim..jealously..whatever. But reality is that these women are in constant contact with your BF. You need to make sure that it is for one reason only...and BF has to understand this as well. The fine line come in trying to establish this without causing trouble with the BMs. Gentle but firm. This point should be non-negotiable.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually the kids will be old enough that contact should be minimal..and eventually stop unless a medical emergency. Stick to the agreements, anything else outside of that needs to be addressed together. If you think the agreements are lacking...talk to BF about getting it modified. You and your BF have to work together as a team and HE has to be behind you 100%.

Expect bumps and bruises along the way from both the BMs and the skids. It happens and you need to have your BF putting your needs right up there with the skids needs. It's A huge balancing act that takes a lot of work...but can be done!

Good luck to you!

It's great that you get along with the kids themselves. It also seems that in general you get along with the ex wives. (be a little leery there. when there is one failed marriage, the chance that he is the problem is 50-50... two failed marriages? the odds go up that he is a potentially bigger part of the problem).

It sounds like it is your BF that needs to be setting boundaries here and he is the person that you should be frustrated with, not the BM's.

1. The BM's are on the phone when "we" talk to the kids. My DH's Ex would do the whole speaker phone thing and he got to where he would ask the girls if he was on speaker phone and if their mom was there and if the answer was yes, he would say, "well, girls, i will talk to you later when we have privacy". He refused to allow his ex to monitor every communication. This may be harder with the young boy, but a 15 year old can have a convo with dad without her mommy on the phone. BTW, why are YOU on these calls? Let him talk to his kids alone. He can say "hailey" says hi.

2. They are there for pickups. Yes, well, they will be and need to be, but YOU don't. Unless there is a driving need for you to attend pickups, stay home.

3. They always ask for money. Welcome to kids. Kids always will have more wants/needs. BM's will almost always continue to ask daddy to contribute more than ordered. My DH's ex used to ask EVERY.DAM.YEAR for him to give her money so she could buy the girls Christmas presents. He told her every year that she didn't have to buy their love and that each parent should buy the girls the gifts they could afford.

4. He is running errands for his EX? Ummm.. this is not ok and a boundary that he should be setting. But it's not your problem with THEM, it's your BF that is still too entwined in his ex wife's life. I can understand him running an errand for one of his kids during a non-custodial time. Like taking them a forgotten lunch or something but for he EX wife..um no.

You have been together 2 years. Was he still with Ex 2 when you met him? It seems like he is not 100% ready to be in a new relationship with so many strings to his past.

I agree with the others. Just because you may choose not to go to pickups/drop-offs does not mean you have an issue with the BMs. I never met my SD's BM until DH and I had been married for over a year, and that was 3 years into our relationship. I never went for the pickups or drop offs, and honestly, my DH never asked me to. My DH also only rarely ever told me about any of the communication he had with BM because he felt it wasn't my problem to handle. His kid, his ex, his problems. I only ever asked him to tell me if there was some sort of conflict with BM or SD so I would understand why he is in a bad mood, but I didn't need to know what it was about.

Your problem is clearly your SO. There is no way he should have gone running to help her with her wallet. They are not married, and she needs to use someone else for her emotional support. A best friend, a family member, a new boyfriend, anyone but an ex-husband unless it directly involves the kid. Even then, I think it's questionable. I think my SD's BM goes to DH too much for emotional support for issues with SD25, but I think DH has finally put a stop to it.

I also agree that you shouldn't use "we" when it comes to CS or parenting the kids. I've been with my DH for over 10 years, and don't even like referring to SD as my stepdaughter. She is my husband's daughter. I don't mind calling her my kids' big sister, but I am not her mother. She's more like a niece to me, and I try to enjoy any good times, and ignore whens he's acting out. (She's a very immature 25 year old.) I didn't like all the money DH paid out in addition to CS, but I kept my mouth shut as long as it didn't affect our household. I handled the bills, and as long as he didn't have a problem providing what we needed, and our savings remained stable or increased, I had no problems with what he did with his leftover money. I'm lucky my DH is frugal for the most part.