Haven't been on here in a while and couldn't log into my account, it didn't recognize my email/screen name so I created a new one. I need an outlet. I need sane people. I need people who have been there and done that. So, I'm blogging and I'm going to try to do it regularly, I need to let some of this stuff out. DH is great most of the time, but he gets defensive, even when he knows I'm right, and it causes drama at home. So, you guys are it for me. Here is my first one:

en·ti·tle·ment noun \-ˈtī-təl-mənt\
: the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something
: the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)

I live with a very entitled and very spoiled 11 year old girl. I have known this for awhile and have tried to open her father's eyes to this fact, and while I think he realizes it, he is 1. Too guilt ridden as a divorced dad to do anything about it and 2. He feels it is a foregone situation to which he and GU have contributed to and are now powerless to correct. Not to mention, if he did try to correct the situation, GU wouldn't as she likes "to give our daughter everything she wants" and believes that this makes her the best parent ever! Therefore, if he says "No" or denies SD anything that she wants, he is the bad guy and the bad parent.

Here is my most recent evidence for the overly entitled and spoiled argument:

1. She sits around and watches TV whenever she can. Litter box needs cleaned, dishwasher needs emptied, her room is a pig sty, none of her other chores have been done in MONTHS and yet she sits there with free time on her hands and either watches massive amounts of TV or hangs out in her room texting on that stupid phone that is apparently super glued to her hand.

2. Speaking of sitting around and doing nothing, I come home from a 10 hour shift at work and not only has nothing been done, I get to cook, bring her the plate of food and then clean the dishes. All while she sits there and stares at the TV. And why are the dishes no longer a chore of hers (not that she ever did them when it was her chore!), because she tells Daddy that she doesn't like doing the dishes. Just like she didn't like scooping dog poop and that's why she was given the dishes as a chore, as a replacement for something she didn't like to do. So what did he teach her? If you don't like to do something, you don't have to do it. Nevermind that in the real world, I don't like to get up and go to work at 4 am every morning . . . but I do it because it has to be done. Oh wait, she has a mother that doesn't like to work and has made a life living off of family, friends, the government and child support. This could be a habit picked up from GU.

3. She has to play club volleyball. Nevermind that her mother cannot afford to pay her half of the $2500!!! If she doesn't play her life will be ruined, she will start having sex with boys, drinking and using drugs. She will drop out of school and become a drug dealer. . . according to her mother. Instead of teaching her that some things in life just aren't feasable and that bills and home life come before extra curricular activities, nope she gets what she wants because she is just soooooo special that she should never be denied any opportunity in life. I have yet to hear SD thank DH for paying for her to play volleyball. As a matter of fact her entire attitude is lacking in gratitude. She seems to have an overall sense that she deserves to play on a very expensive team. This is what her mother has told her for her entire life, you are so special and you deserve everything you want in life just because you are you. We found a league 1/10 the cost (We even paid the whole $250!), but then we find out that SD wants to do both!! So instead of saving everybody money and still getting to play volleyball, it is now going to cost us more!!! She doesn't look at her mother's situation and think, "Gosh, mom just had a baby out of wedlock and has no real means of supporting herself, especially since she had to take 8 weeks off and even when she does work, it is only part-time and she doesn't make that much money, if I play in the less expensive league Dad pays for it and I still get to play volleyball." Now, I don't agree with all of the "sacrifices" her mother makes to pay for volleyball (more on that below). I am of the mind that you don't sacrifice your basic standard of living for luxuries like an expensive volleyball club, BUT for SD to not even really acknowledge nor show any real gratitude of the sacrifices and then to actually complain about the sacrifices, pisses me off to no end. She does not see the wants/needs of others if they come between her and what she wants.

4. So, in order to pay her half of the ridiculous volleyball fees, GU sold both of their couches (stupid, I know). So, now SD doesn't have anywhere to sit in the living room. So what does SD do? Whine and Complain! Nevermind that SHE is the reason that she has nowhere to sit. The couches have been gone for 3 weeks and I have heard comments/complaints several times that there is nowhere for SD to sit in their living room. This week was sort of the last straw for her father, he asked her, "Is it worth it?" When she didn't understand his question, he asked again, "Is Volleyball worth not having a place to sit?" She responded, "Yes." And that was the end of that discussion, hopefully she got the point.

5. In the car a couple of nights ago, all we kept hearing was more whining and complaining from the back seat. "I'm hungry." "How much longer?" "Why does it have to take so long to get home?" "Can we stop at Dairy Queen?" "We have Ice Cream at home? Ew, I don't like that kind." OMFG!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! Once again, why were we driving home at 9:00pm on a school night after we both worked 10 hour days? We drove her 45 minutes North to HER volleyball practice!!!! Once again, I think her dad is getting really tired of her poor me attitude because he reminded her that we were that far away from home FOR HER!!!!!

6. Last night, DH tells SD to clean out the litter box. It hasn't been done in weeks and I stopped doing it years ago because. . . Not my cat, not my problem! She wanted the cat and of course promised, "I'll clean the litterbox every week, I promise!" DH now admits that he should have never have gotten the cat in the first place and that he was stupid to be fooled by the wants and whims of an 8 year old. Anyways, he is telling her that I bought fresh litter so she needs to empty it in the outside trash can and refill it with fresh litter. No scooping, just dump and refill. Should take about 2 minutes max. The conversation about how she should do it took longer that if she would have just done it!!!! She keeps questioning him about how she should do it, "Shouldn't I put it in another bag first and then the big trash can?" He says, that's fine if that's how you want to do it, but just do it. This morning, I walk past the closet. Nope, still not done. FML, stupid lazy ass kid. But as soon as we talk about getting rid of the cat because she will not care for it. . . tears and lots of them and DH, "I can't really do it, it really is SD's cat." Since when did children get adult decision making? Whether or not to own, pay for and care for an animal is an adult decision. Yes, it might suck for her if we found the cat another home, but that is not a decision that should be up to her and it is the price she pays for being irresponsible and lazy even when reminded week after week after week to care for the animal. You entitle a kid when you give them rights, privileges and decision making capability of an adult.

7. The Brand Name Christmas List:
1. Uggs (not fake ones, real Uggs) - HELL NO! I'm not paying $165 for a pair of shoes for an 11 year old. Sorry, I don't care if I did make a ton of money and could afford it, that is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a CHILD'S pair of shoes that she will outgrow in 3 months!
2. Chi flat iron - she has 2 flat irons already, she does not need another one, not to mention a $100 one!
3. Under Armour anything - I get that part of Middle School/Jr High is trying to fit in and keep up with your peers. I remember Reebok high tops, Guess jeans and Dooney & Burke purses being the big deal for me in 6th Grade. But my parents didn't buy into the hype and now neither do I and neither does DH. I would rather have 3 new sweatshirts than 1 new sweatshirt, that's my thinking and I've tried to point this out to SD too. She gets it but alas, GU is big on Brand Name clothing, so now SD is too. The peer pressure doesn't help either, but that's normal kid stuff.

8. We are taking a trip to Vegas in March, DH has a conference for work and they are paying for spouses to go. We already heard how SD didn't get to go on our Honeymoon with us (it was our freaking Honeymoon!!!! Lots and lots of inappropriate child activity going on!!! DH's best friend (who is so in love with SD it is sort of creepy) even commented that we should have taken SD. . . Uh, NO!) and now she is going on about how she doesn't get to go to Vegas either. She is 11 and has been to Disney World 3 times!!! We are planning a trip to Texas for Spring Break so that she can have a Dolphin Encounter at Sea World. It is not as if she never gets to go anywhere.

DH wants to see his daughter and wants her to be spend time at our house, but every time she shows up his entire mood changes. No matter how much time, energy and especially money that we spend on her, he says, "It is never enough for her." He has admitted that she is a lazy, spoiled brat and that he is part of the problem. She (and her mother) constantly make him feel inadequate as a father and that any time or money he spends on himself or me is neglecting SD. We are tired. Tired of the complaining, tired of the neediness, and tired of the attitude and disrespect. I see him making small changes and taking some responsibility, but we are only 1/2 the equation and for the most part, as a SM my hands are tied. She is his daughter, his problem to deal with.

He sees my nephews and how well behaved, grateful, helpful and respectful they are and wishes SD was more like them. I told him, well, my sister is raising them how we were raised and that any children we have together will be raised the same way. My nephews play on expensive sports teams, have name brand electronics and clothing and generally get almost whatever they ask for. BUT in return, my nephews do their chores, respect their mom/dad and have an excellent attitude of gratefulness. Why so different? Expectations. In their world, you get what you earn. And when they get into the real world they will have less problems as an adult because this is how the real world works. SD will have a rude awakening, or she will become like her mother, a burden on her family, the government and some poor schmuck who didn't wear a condom.