And in the subject if private school...
My three kids have attended the same private school since preschool and kindergarten. They are excellent students, all have special challenges (ADD, Apergers, probably dyslexia) and their father and I have worked closely with the kids, thei school and the local public schools to make sure they are progressing and being given access to programs that are available. Each time we've been through evaluations, it is always agreed that their current small school, private setting is their best choice and has been allowing to to excel.
I felt very strongly about my kids attending this school as did their father and even through our divorce, we have. Ith sacrificed and worked with the school on creative tuition payment programs. The school is happy to accommodate us as our children have been great.
With that said, I've always assumed I'd send the kids to public high school due to cost. My daughter is getting close to high school age (7th grade) and I am now starting to think seriously about her next school. I am starting to reconsider placing her in publi school and am looking at our options. Of course if dd12 goes off to a private school, we will no doubt, place ds10 (my aspergers' boy) in a specially selected school as well.
Which brings me to my dilemma.
SS (though we put him with my kids at thei privat school for his middle school years) will NOT be going to private school. He'd like to, but financially, it's not even an option. I could just several reasons why I wont be sendi him but dh could care less as well. His mother pays us zero child support do it would ultimately come from my pocket as I make double to triple what dh makes. The past few years with dh has been a struggle financially because I've had to pay SS's tuition all on my own.
My ex and I value education. Dh try's to be involved with SS's schooling but it's really not his thing.
I know that if my bios end uP attending private school SS will be upset and feel resentment. I also know that I am any make decisions about what's best for my children bases on how it will make SS feel.
I guess I'm just looking for some support. Or alternately, tell me I'm a selfish bit h if you think so.
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Comments
If you and your ex can send
If you and your ex can send your kids to private school, do it. If your dh can't send his kid oh well. Doesn't sound like the kid would be ding anything but wasting your money there anyway. Don't feel bad for giving your kids, who meet expectations, a better education.
That's how I felt last year -
That's how I felt last year - that it was a big waste of money. This year he's doing slightly better. But he certainly hasn't taken advantage of being placed in the private school.
My ex will definitely be the
My ex will definitely be the reason I use with both dh and SS if it comes to it.
Last year, I really took ownership of ss's schooling and homework only to be told I was mean and that he hated me. As my pregnancy progressed, it was easy to push dh into his "parenting" role and ask that he monitor SS and provide consequences when needed.
Not to mention your kids are
Not to mention your kids are special needs children. I assume your SS is not? So while this is a necessary solution for your kids to continue a good progress, it is not the case for your SS. Besides, if he can't be bothered to do what he is supposed to in public school, no point in paying for private.
Very true. Al of my three are
Very true. Al of my three are extremely intelligent, quirky and have flourished in their private school. My ds9 is the only one I could see sending to public school who would do fine. My other two would get lost.
SS went to public through 6th grade and did fine. He started slipping in middle school when bm decided to start coming back around. I knew my kids' school would help him get to grade level and develop good habits before going off to high school.
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from, but to me it seems like creating 1st class and 2nd class citizens in the family. All kids live with you, right? I don't even know if the private school you are considering gives a better education than your public school, but it would appear to your SS that he got the short end of the stick. I would hate to be in his shoes... he will probably resent you with a passion.
Is there another approach? Can you send your ds to a private school due to his special needs, but find good public high schools for your other children? If all 3 are in one school, while SS is at another, it really looks bad. If all go to different schools, who knows which one is better. depends on what is available where you live, i suppose.
SS will be the first to go
SS will be the first to go off to high school. Dd goes the following year. My ex and I have started to discuss her next learning environment as she is very artsy. We've even discussed an all-girls school.
It would be easy to send her off to something different. Her and SS are in the same 7th/8th grade class and her grades are better than his.
I say you continue to hold
I say you continue to hold this important space for your kids, with you and their father setting the goals and seeing them through. IF DH can't step up for his own son - well -
Dh does what he can but I was
Dh does what he can but I was the one to urge us to put SS in this school. Though it's helped him shape up quite a bit, I've been pretty disappointed overall that he didn't take advantage of what was being offered and has just scraped by.
If SS was going to go to sprivate school, I'd be the one filling out forms, coordinating interviews,gathering data, etc. I just don't have the time or desire. I've really tried to let dh handle SS as I was called mean by SS for expecting him to do homework.
That's my mantra - life isn't
That's my mantra - life isn't fair and the sooner you realize that, the farther you'll get and the happier you'll be.
My three kids seem to get that each child is different. SS - who was previously a spoiled, lazy, center of the world, only child, has a much more difficult time with this and always brings up why so and so has xyz or got to do abc and he doesn't. Dh is quick to correct him.
I'm EXTREMELY worried about ds10 getting bullied at a public school. That is something that is extremely real to me and something I do not want him to deal with. Ever.
Actually, I think SS will be
Actually, I think SS will be served extremely well at the public high school. They have great sports programs and a multi media academy that I'm hoping he will excel at.
Is there an interest of SS
Is there an interest of SS that sets him apart from the rest? If he was interested in say Karate, I bet you could figure out a way to get him extra karate lessons with the "savings" from him going to a public school. Sit him down and explain, the private school isn't because I love DD more, but her interests are in art and this is something I want to encourage, your interests are in soccer (or whatever) so such and such school will meet your needs. I think sending DD to the all girls school would be the best option because then it isn't as if you are being "unfair" it wouldn't be an option for SS to go there anyway.
I completely understand where you are coming from, and you do need to do for your kids. With that said, I could easily understand SS feeling crapped on so my point would be to find something special for him.
I agree. Up until I came
I agree.
Up until I came along and opened some doors for SS, his only interests were tv and video games. He now plays sports (though bm refuses to take him in her weekends so he hasn't been successful with what we've tried) but he still really enjoys it and is looking forward to playing on the football team at the public hs this summer.
My three kids wouldn't have a
My three kids wouldn't have a problem with it either. They underhand that their father and I make choices to ensure they are getting the best education possible and that they are taking advantage Of programs that interet them.
SS likes to play tit for tat with EVERYTHING.
Example: We took my two boys with us to a landscape showroom. When we left he sales guy told the boys to get something from the prize box and they could get something for their siblings. Ds9 hit some hanky radio from the dollar store and brought some parachute man for SS. SS had the nerve I complain to us saying that a radio cost a lot more than his gift. Wtf?!??!!
Thanks for this. I'll look
Thanks for this. I'll look into it.
For us it was all of them or
For us it was all of them or none. It was many years ago and the cost was too high for private school. My SS was in Jr. High and the tuition was much more than the private elementary. We pulled them all out. No judging, you will ultimately do what is best for your family.
Bm pays us zero child
Bm pays us zero child support. The extent of bM's interest in private school and ss's well being is summed up pretty nicely in a lovely card she once sent me that read,
"thanks for sending SS to private school. Can you look into health and dental for him too"
Enough said.
(No subject)
:jawdrop:
DH has a restraining order
DH has a restraining order against bm. They do not communicate. Bm will try to argue with dh about anything just for the sake of arguing.
She says private school was dh's choice so she shouldn't have to pay anything. She won't even help with school supplies because -in her words - "you're primary".
This is a tough one. Your
This is a tough one. Your kids need the special programs. Does SS? If not, that is your justification.
My SS's three younger SpermIdiot spawned half sibs had none of the advantages that my SS has had. SS went to a top 20 boarding school for his Jr. and Sr. (half of Sr year anyway) years of HS. SpermGrandMa loaded the three younger SpermIdiot Spawn up on how unfair it was that SS got nice things, private schools, nice homes, nice neighborhoods, nice international and domestic vacations, etc... and the younger half sibs didn't.
Though not the same situation you have with your kids and the resident Skid it was still drama that my SS and his half sibs should not have had to hear.
I would see if scholarship money is available. If not then how about applying for a public charter school slot for SS?
I've thought about charter
I've thought about charter school, etc but I honestly think SS will do fine in public.
I also don't have the desire to research and go through the process of finding a great private school for him. I'll do that for my kids but I feel like I got burned by putting him in the current private school.
When I selected this school, it was because I agreed with their philosophies and approach to education. It's been a wonderful place. Now that my children have developed more, I have other things I'm aware of when. Insider on their next plaement.
With SS, he definitely didn't take the academia seriously. He only wants to go to this particular private hs because his friends (including his gf) are going there. He knows nothing else about it nor has he ever been there. (he's a bit of a follower).
I think he'll do fine in public hs. Social stuff is huge with this kid so I'm hoping he'll find his place with the sports and media kids.
If DH wants his son to
If DH wants his son to continue going to private school, what's keeping him from picking up a second job to pay for it? Why in the world should the cost of his kid's education fall on your shoulders?
Before dh and I got together,
Before dh and I got together, dh struggled raising SS alone. He'd get food stamps when he really needed them.
The economy really affected his line of work and with bM's non- contribution, financially or caring for SS, he was stuck. ,
This has basically been DH's
This has basically been DH's approach. SS has been asking to go to private high school since being enrolled in this school last year. Last year, my / our typical response was that his grades and effort would not get him into private high school.
This year, he is still a C student. Lots of missing work. Lots of laziness. He really doesn't care about school. He cares about his friends. (now, the school is very small and there are only 14 kids in the 7th and 8th grade COMBINED). With his grades, it's not like he's going to placed in the same courses as his advanced friends if he even were to go to the private high school that he thinks all his friends are going to.
SS knows that his mother does not contribute anything towards SS's school, health, clothing, etc. DH figured that if SS really wanted to go, he could bring it up to his mother. And "IF" she were willing to pay her portion, we could discuss it. SS didn't bother mentioning it to BM. DH has been telling him this since school started in Sept.
That combined with his less than stellar grades, mean that he will be going to the local public school. I don't even think the kid would get into the school he wants. It's extremely competitive.
I actually took a peak at
I actually took a peak at some of the financial programs last night. But... I"m really not willing to do all the legwork and pay for a school so that he can blow off his academics. He can do that for free at the school around the corner.
HOwever, it did give me hope for finding a great placement (that I can afford) for my children if needed.
I think at this point, we are
I think at this point, we are all systems go with SS attending the local public school. We've been working to get him excited about the sports programs and playing football in the summer so that when school actually starts, he has a group of friends. He'll also have a reason to keep his grades up if he is playing sports.
As far as my three are concerned, DD starts HS the following year. My exH lives in a neighboring city. I can always play the "exH said" card if I need to.
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