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Feeling like dirt

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Sun, 11/17/2013 - 7:12pm

I have very rarely lost my cool with SS17. In five years of being his stepmom I have blasted him about 3 times. I try so hard to be patient and level headed and sometimes I just can't do it.

Yesterday SS17 called DH an a--hole when DH asked him to clean his room. DH continued to be patient and nice to SS17 and I flipped out. Shortly after that, I heard SS17 on the phone in his room calling me a b----. Then I really flipoed out.

I just lost it and I don't know why I couldn't have stayed rational and let DH just deal with it. I was downright ugly and I pushed things too far. I feel worn down with the 'stepmonster' role and pretty darn depressed about it today.

A few years ago SS17 told DH he wished he would "go back to Iraq and die". I have sat back and kept my mouth shut with this behavior for 5 years and now I can't seem to hold back anymore. That ugly statement has stayed with me and left me feeling a bit bitter.

SS17's behavior and attitude has improved remarkably but he still has his days and I grow less and less tolerant of his outbursts.

When I told SS17 I have had it with his nasty attitude toward his father, including the statement above, SS17 had a break down and cried. He apologized profusely to DH.

So. I am the villain again. I think I have solidified my role now. I feel like dirt.

Comments

Bookworm5's picture

Submitted by Bookworm5 on Sun, 11/17/2013 - 8:34pm

I have felt like the stepmonster for a long time, and I finally came to the conclusion that it was a title of honor. If you didn't care about your family, the child, and what kind of person the child turned out to be, then nothing would bother you, and there would be no stepmonster.

You are definitely not alone in the "I just lost it" department.

I agree with ITS-OVER. It keeps them on their toes, and maybe they'll think twice before being hateful next time.

Power to the Stepmonsters!

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Mon, 11/18/2013 - 6:43am

Thanks guys. Your comments made me want to both laugh and cry at the same time Smile Thank you for cheering me up.

I get so fed up with the disrespectful attitude that I actually get depressed. It doesn't feel good when I lose my cool but you are right that it scares my SS17 straight when I do it.

DH says he would rather be patient with his son and give him time to learn lessons and grow up. He is afraid me being too tough on him will push him away. I told DH that having a 6'8", 17 1/2 year old call us names in our own house scares me.

You guys are right, I am the only person in this kid's life who has ever held him accountable for his behavior. I have pushed him more than anybody else has to get his s--- together.

The sad thing is, I really will always be the villain. DH got an apology out of my tirade and I got more resentment.

I am stepping back again. I shouldn't be doing all the parenting 'work' while DH gets all the 'credit'. I guess when things don't get done, I step in and do them. I'm doing too much. After this incident, I made it clear to DH that he needs to parent his own son and not me.