I would see if there are tutors available through the school or surrounding high schools to help on the off weeks

Maybe it is time to change the custody schedule. It is only going to get harder and she will get further behind. If she isn't able to take full responsibility for her schooling and Dad is unwilling......tell him you will file for change of custody if he doesn't get his head out of his ass.

Wow, I sound like a mean, vindictive BM.

Maybe it is time to change custody. It is reasons like this, as I have stated before, that I don't think 50/50 works. You are doing everything you can but if your ex wont parent then you need change things up so he gets a standard every other weekend schedule.

I agree with addressing a change in the custody schedule. Perhaps addressing it with your ex will be enough to encourage him to step up & do his part as a parent. If it isn't, follow through with the courts.

The habits your daughter forms now are the building blocks for her future. She HAS to learn work ethic. She has to learn self-discipline. She has to be encouraged & motivated to perform to the best of her ability now for better opportunities in her future.

SMS:

The following letter, is framed and hanging on my office wall at home. A constant reminder to me of a lesson one very wise teacher taught me. (Paraphrased since I am not at home to copy it word for word). This email was in reply to an email I sent to the teacher, where in I expressed how MOTY I was, and my son's bad grades on a few assignments were due to his lack of studying/homework completion at his fathers house. I did CC my XH on the email.

Dear Ms. (Prior last name)

Starting on a positive I am thrilled to hear how far you are willing to go to ensure your son's academic success! It is always awesome to see/hear of an involved parent that is willing to go the extra mile, communicate with teachers and provide necessary structure at home to ensure a child's academic success.

In your email, which I appreciate you cc'ing to (my sons name)'s father, there was a long list of what you do, and what you schedule to ensure that (son) gets his assignments completed on time. I did not see a list of what (son) is doing to develop his own good study habits. It is my experience that children learn best from doing, hands on and being involved in the lesson. Having a schedule and routine can be helpful but if they are not involved themselves it leads to dependency on their parents.

I have tasked (son) with a homework assignment that you are not allowed to help him with. He is to write up his own plan of success and bring it to me by Friday (**Note this was on a week he was with his dad so there was nothing I could have done to help the kid- I think the teacher planned it that way IMHO***).

Again, thank you for your email and your interest in (son)'s education, I look forward to speaking with you in the future.

Best Regards,
Teacher

The very next email in my box was from my XH

(My Name)

What the teacher is telling you nicely, is to pop your tit out of the boys mouth and let him grow the fuck up. He is 10, not 2. He knows when he has homework, if he doesn't do it, ground his ass. Stop living the kids life for him and let him figure out how to do it on his own. He is going to fuck up. He is a kid. If you keep up the way you have been he is going to be 40 and living in your basement, not mine, and I will be mailing you weekly "I told you so" cards.

I know the email sounds mean. I am truly not trying to be crude, your a good mom, you think of everything which doesn't leave (son and daughter) any reason to have to think for themselves. While yeah, it's easier to do it for them, that doesn't mean it's best.

(XH name)

My initial reaction was one of being PYSSED and I immediately called MY DADDDY to vent.

Dad's words of wisdom?

"Go back and read the email again from (XH) this time change the voice in your head from his to mine. Then listen to it. Love you. Bye."

**Helicopter Mom raises hand in the room.**
I will have to confess that my BS15 is extremely dependent on me as far as school work goes. Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with a girl, who by all accounts seem to be WAY better at organization and being self motivated than boys are.
I HAVE taken a few steps back because I KNOW deep down that I DO need to let him figure it out on his own & that if I don't step back, he will be up shits creek without a paddle in college.
My son has ADHD as well and his organizational skills are almost non-existant. He gets easily frustrated and flustered when he doesn't understand something. He also is lazy to boot when it comes to academics and loses focus quite rapidly.
He goes to private school and it is WAY harder than public school so the pressure is ON all the time.
I literally have to log on to the parent portal every single day and check what assignments he has to do because he will always miss something. If he has to take a quiz online he'll ask me to sit with him while he does it. He says it's reassuring to have me there.
I do joke and tell him "So when you're in college I assume you'll be sending me a plane ticket to sit in your dorm while you take a test?" he laughs it off but it worries me that he gets nervous about his assignments. I proofread all his essays and make corrections that he needs to fix before he hands things in. I have to tell him REPEATEDLY "Go do your HW." It is exhausting. If I wasn't all up his ass, he'd have been kicked out of that school already, but because I am all up in it, he is actually getting decent grades.
I like the study/note taking idea someone posted above. While watching him take quizzes I noticed that he doesn't read the full questions, he breezes thru them and then picks the answer based on the part of the question he read. This "shortcut" of his, is causing him to get low test grades because most questions are trick questions designed to test his comprehension.
I know we are supposed to allow kids to fail when they don't take responsibility for their own actions but it is hard for me to do that. Aside from the fact that I am paying out of my ass for his education, I feel that he NEEDS the extra push and the extra hand holding because I refused to put him on drugs for his ADHD. :?