I love this forum. I've been a quiet reader for many months and this site has saved my sanity. I'm sure without the advice on this site, I would of surely had a nervous breakdown and been sent to the looney bin, only half joking!
I have a SD who is 8, attention seeker, daddy's princess, manipulative and sneaky and a narcissist in the making
I've learned to slowly disengage from her after being a full time SM to her for over 4 years. I've done it all including rides to school, shopping trips, cooking favorite meals, putting up with temper tantrums in public, constant embarrassments in front of family and friends due to SD's rude behavior, and suffered serious marital neglect and even emotional abuse by DH because he's too busy catering to his princess and being guilty daddy!
I am done!
In order to save my marriage, i'm slowly disengaging. SD doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. She knows fully well how much I dislike her. It's like she got the emotional maturity of a 30 year old and the drama of a 3 year old. I used to feel bad for her and want to help her be a child again and all that jazz. I've given up because all my efforts in raising this child went unappreciated and even criticized.
I've learned to create boundaries in order to save my sanity. I need to take care of myself before I lose my mind. It's been hard getting over the guilt that comes with leaving DH with 100% of the responsibility but I keep telling myself, it's his child, he is responsible for her. He wanted her.
My question is to how do I get this kid to leave me alone? She is smart to say the least so she knows what everyone's hot buttons are and when to push them for a response. I have tried really hard to hide my annoyances from her and give her emotionless responses and have distanced myself from her. She is toxic, that's for sure.
I try to be out of the house as much as possible before she goes to bed so I don't have to deal with her much. Mornings are a challenge with her constant drama over breakfast and the back and forth bickering between dh and sd. I hate starting my mornings with drama! I start off my day with a bad taste in my mouth.
So I started going to the gym in the morning just to be physically away with the drama. DH and I have talked about ignoring her negative behavior but of course he remembers one day, forgets the next so i've stopped reminding him. I feel bad that his day starts off with SD's tantrums and crying but that's his problem now. I won't let it be mine anymore! The anxiety was slowly eating away at me and I needed to be on medication just to get through the day.
Weekends are the real problem now! I work like 80 hours a week and like to sleep in on sundays. When I do get up and try to make a cup of coffee, I have to deal with her annoying ass following me around non stop, trying to engage me in nonsense. The stupid questions for shameless attention is driving me up the wall! I want to tell her to shut up and leave me alone!
I don't want to deal with her selfish ass first thing in the morning. Can't a woman drink a cup of coffee without being interrupted???
DH is trying his best now that he sees me disengaging from his princess. He'll ask her to keep it down when i'm sleeping and stuff so I don't want to piss him off because he is trying. But I mean how do I get her to leave me alone. ASking her politely isn't working and neither are ultimatums like "kids who interrupt are sent to their room." I mean do I have to listen to her story about some stupid cartoon movie she saw first thing on a sunday morning?
It sounds silly I realize but after 4 years of being used and abused, I can't stand the sound of her voice! Especially NOT first thing in the morning.
I gently told DH this weekend to tell her I need my space in the mornings. He made sure to tell her not to follow me around first thing in the morning and to get whatever she needs in the evenings. Sure enough, as soon as I get out of my bedroom to go to the kitchen, she runs out of her room to ask me something. I wanted to smack her but refrained of course }:)
Luckily DH heard her and told her not to bother me. But it started me off angry. I know it sounds silly and inconsequential but when it's non stop for the past 4 years, it just drives me insane now. Especially when she KNOWS she isn't supposed to do it.
I mean I let her use our bathroom this morning (because get this, she HAS to poop as soon as DH needs to shower in the main bathroom, without fail, every single damn morning). So I let her use the bathroom in our bedroom. No big deal. Then I go into the bathroom only to find a not so pleasant surprise. Miss Thang had pooped, stuffed the toilet with TP and NOT flushed her shit!
Great way to start a monday freaking morning.
Any suggestions? How do you protect your private space from being invaded?
She is trying to get attention from you. You have withdrawn so now she is full court press to get it.
Morning poop? Hold it. You lost the privilege of using my bathroom when you did not flush.
And hon, you need to learn how to ignore.
Have your DH give this kid a time be it 6am, 7am.. whatever. Anything she needs she is to go to him before that time. If she goes to you she will be grounded and have him name whatever she holds dearest to be grounded from.
As for your reaction: STOP giving her one that is what she is looking for. Keep walking, you did not hear her. Do not reply. Not even to give her a dirty look, a yea, nay or a leave me the fuck alone... Make your coffee, go outside sit on the porch enjoy it and shut the door in her face if necessary to keep her inside and away from you.
You're absolutely right! Love your name by the way. It's exactly how i'm feeling nowadays
I know she's fishing for attention and also to piss me off. That's why she does the exact opposite of what I tell her...so i've stopped telling her anything. She is just one tough nut to crack. It's like nothing affects her. She is SO stubborn. We've tried taking things away from her but she seems unaffected. Silence does work because she craves the attention. I try to ignore her but when she reves up her behavior in front of DH telling me countless mind numbing stories, if I don't respond or listen, DH thinks i'm being "mean" to her. I don't care what he thinks anymore but I rather avoid the drama of DH asking me to listen to her, give her time blah blah :sick:
Now I make sure he listens to her endless stories while I go for a long walk, every chance I get }:)
I think disengagement is an art that needs to be perfected over time. I'm new at this so I just need to play with things and learn to anticipate what's next. Ugh why can't it be easier than this? LOL
Why did I fall for a man with kids? I ask myself this every damn day! I'm sure most of the women on here ask themselves the same thing.
If I didn't love my DH and if he didn't try so damn hard to make me happy, i'd be done. He is really getting his act together and working to make our relationship work so I don't want to give up so easily.
ha! she Doesnt Like it at all that you've disengaged and no wants to get your attention back! Lil princess cant handle someone NOT giving her full attention....As hard as it is just Ignore her! It's eating her inside! }:)
Glad you found us and are able to see that you are not alone. She is clearly looking for attention. Ignore her. Get yourself some headphones, plug into your ipod and go on your merry way.
Thank you guys for all your responses and support! The women (and men) on this site are amazing, brave souls!
It makes sense she's doing it for attention. She is an attention whore. Well all my efforts and attention towards her was a privilege that she no longer deserves! That's why I don't even respond anymore when she comes running to me FIRST thing in the morning. I mean it's ridiculous how intentional it is. As soon as she hears my door open in the morning and I walk out...she's running out of her room too, following me around. :sick:
I guess i'll have to continue to try and ignore her. It's just trying my patience.
Yeah I have to learn to ignore some things but after putting up with so much crap over the years, I feel like I don't even want to deal with an unflushed (sp?) toilet lol
Can your DH STOP her somehow from running after you 1st thing in the morning??? its ridiculous...I'm not sure if i could Ignore That tbh....Im not much of a morning person and until I have my morning coffee in peace and quiet DO NOT talk to me or ask me anything...So I feel for ya
^^^^^^^^I almost did this method over the weekend. SD12 was grounded from all things electronic, so she's hanging out in the kitchen. SO is watching the ball game and I'm playing on my ipad next to him. First she's singing, which i get after her. Then she's humming! ARGH! I almost got up to get my headphones, however, it's my house. So I told SO he needed to shut her up, which he did, but I shouldn't have to tell him every time. She started humming again later.
Comments
I love this forum. I've been
I love this forum. I've been a quiet reader for many months and this site has saved my sanity. I'm sure without the advice on this site, I would of surely had a nervous breakdown and been sent to the looney bin, only half joking!
I have a SD who is 8, attention seeker, daddy's princess, manipulative and sneaky and a narcissist in the making
I've learned to slowly disengage from her after being a full time SM to her for over 4 years. I've done it all including rides to school, shopping trips, cooking favorite meals, putting up with temper tantrums in public, constant embarrassments in front of family and friends due to SD's rude behavior, and suffered serious marital neglect and even emotional abuse by DH because he's too busy catering to his princess and being guilty daddy!
I am done!
In order to save my marriage, i'm slowly disengaging. SD doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. She knows fully well how much I dislike her. It's like she got the emotional maturity of a 30 year old and the drama of a 3 year old. I used to feel bad for her and want to help her be a child again and all that jazz. I've given up because all my efforts in raising this child went unappreciated and even criticized.
I've learned to create boundaries in order to save my sanity. I need to take care of myself before I lose my mind. It's been hard getting over the guilt that comes with leaving DH with 100% of the responsibility but I keep telling myself, it's his child, he is responsible for her. He wanted her.
My question is to how do I get this kid to leave me alone? She is smart to say the least so she knows what everyone's hot buttons are and when to push them for a response. I have tried really hard to hide my annoyances from her and give her emotionless responses and have distanced myself from her. She is toxic, that's for sure.
I try to be out of the house as much as possible before she goes to bed so I don't have to deal with her much. Mornings are a challenge with her constant drama over breakfast and the back and forth bickering between dh and sd. I hate starting my mornings with drama! I start off my day with a bad taste in my mouth.
So I started going to the gym in the morning just to be physically away with the drama. DH and I have talked about ignoring her negative behavior but of course he remembers one day, forgets the next so i've stopped reminding him. I feel bad that his day starts off with SD's tantrums and crying but that's his problem now. I won't let it be mine anymore! The anxiety was slowly eating away at me and I needed to be on medication just to get through the day.
Weekends are the real problem now! I work like 80 hours a week and like to sleep in on sundays. When I do get up and try to make a cup of coffee, I have to deal with her annoying ass following me around non stop, trying to engage me in nonsense. The stupid questions for shameless attention is driving me up the wall! I want to tell her to shut up and leave me alone!
I don't want to deal with her selfish ass first thing in the morning. Can't a woman drink a cup of coffee without being interrupted???
DH is trying his best now that he sees me disengaging from his princess. He'll ask her to keep it down when i'm sleeping and stuff so I don't want to piss him off because he is trying. But I mean how do I get her to leave me alone. ASking her politely isn't working and neither are ultimatums like "kids who interrupt are sent to their room." I mean do I have to listen to her story about some stupid cartoon movie she saw first thing on a sunday morning?
It sounds silly I realize but after 4 years of being used and abused, I can't stand the sound of her voice! Especially NOT first thing in the morning.
I gently told DH this weekend to tell her I need my space in the mornings. He made sure to tell her not to follow me around first thing in the morning and to get whatever she needs in the evenings. Sure enough, as soon as I get out of my bedroom to go to the kitchen, she runs out of her room to ask me something. I wanted to smack her but refrained of course }:)
Luckily DH heard her and told her not to bother me. But it started me off angry. I know it sounds silly and inconsequential but when it's non stop for the past 4 years, it just drives me insane now. Especially when she KNOWS she isn't supposed to do it.
I mean I let her use our bathroom this morning (because get this, she HAS to poop as soon as DH needs to shower in the main bathroom, without fail, every single damn morning). So I let her use the bathroom in our bedroom. No big deal. Then I go into the bathroom only to find a not so pleasant surprise. Miss Thang had pooped, stuffed the toilet with TP and NOT flushed her shit!
Great way to start a monday freaking morning.
Any suggestions? How do you protect your private space from being invaded?
Puke
My ss11 does this he never flushed the toilet. Pisses all over and leaves the seat up for all to see.
She is trying to get
She is trying to get attention from you. You have withdrawn so now she is full court press to get it.
Morning poop? Hold it. You lost the privilege of using my bathroom when you did not flush.
And hon, you need to learn how to ignore.
Have your DH give this kid a time be it 6am, 7am.. whatever. Anything she needs she is to go to him before that time. If she goes to you she will be grounded and have him name whatever she holds dearest to be grounded from.
As for your reaction: STOP giving her one that is what she is looking for. Keep walking, you did not hear her. Do not reply. Not even to give her a dirty look, a yea, nay or a leave me the fuck alone... Make your coffee, go outside sit on the porch enjoy it and shut the door in her face if necessary to keep her inside and away from you.
You're absolutely right! Love
You're absolutely right! Love your name by the way. It's exactly how i'm feeling nowadays
I know she's fishing for attention and also to piss me off. That's why she does the exact opposite of what I tell her...so i've stopped telling her anything. She is just one tough nut to crack. It's like nothing affects her. She is SO stubborn. We've tried taking things away from her but she seems unaffected. Silence does work because she craves the attention. I try to ignore her but when she reves up her behavior in front of DH telling me countless mind numbing stories, if I don't respond or listen, DH thinks i'm being "mean" to her. I don't care what he thinks anymore but I rather avoid the drama of DH asking me to listen to her, give her time blah blah :sick:
Now I make sure he listens to her endless stories while I go for a long walk, every chance I get }:)
I think disengagement is an art that needs to be perfected over time. I'm new at this so I just need to play with things and learn to anticipate what's next. Ugh why can't it be easier than this? LOL
Why did I fall for a man with kids? I ask myself this every damn day! I'm sure most of the women on here ask themselves the same thing.
If I didn't love my DH and if he didn't try so damn hard to make me happy, i'd be done. He is really getting his act together and working to make our relationship work so I don't want to give up so easily.
ha! she Doesnt Like it at all
ha! she Doesnt Like it at all that you've disengaged and no wants to get your attention back! Lil princess cant handle someone NOT giving her full attention....As hard as it is just Ignore her! It's eating her inside! }:)
Glad you found us and are
Glad you found us and are able to see that you are not alone. She is clearly looking for attention. Ignore her. Get yourself some headphones, plug into your ipod and go on your merry way.
Thank you guys for all your
Thank you guys for all your responses and support! The women (and men) on this site are amazing, brave souls!
It makes sense she's doing it for attention. She is an attention whore. Well all my efforts and attention towards her was a privilege that she no longer deserves! That's why I don't even respond anymore when she comes running to me FIRST thing in the morning. I mean it's ridiculous how intentional it is. As soon as she hears my door open in the morning and I walk out...she's running out of her room too, following me around. :sick:
I guess i'll have to continue to try and ignore her. It's just trying my patience.
Yeah I have to learn to ignore some things but after putting up with so much crap over the years, I feel like I don't even want to deal with an unflushed (sp?) toilet lol
Can your DH STOP her somehow
Can your DH STOP her somehow from running after you 1st thing in the morning??? its ridiculous...I'm not sure if i could Ignore That tbh....Im not much of a morning person and until I have my morning coffee in peace and quiet DO NOT talk to me or ask me anything...So I feel for ya
The dtzy method works
The dtzy method works wonders: ipod, ipod, ipod!
^^^^^^^^I almost did this
^^^^^^^^I almost did this method over the weekend. SD12 was grounded from all things electronic, so she's hanging out in the kitchen. SO is watching the ball game and I'm playing on my ipad next to him. First she's singing, which i get after her. Then she's humming! ARGH! I almost got up to get my headphones, however, it's my house. So I told SO he needed to shut her up, which he did, but I shouldn't have to tell him every time. She started humming again later.