Should DH respond to this love letter
BM sent this email to DH and he doesn't know if he should respond or ignore.
BM: DH I know this might sound weird but I have to get it off my chest. I still love you and I always will. I still dream about you. I just want to know why you gave up fighting for our marriage. Is there anything I could have done? Please tell me why you married WWSMD out of all people. Why her? What is it about her? What do you see in her you didn't see in me. Its been years but it feels like just yesterday you were holding me in the bath and telling me you love me. How did you move on so easily? I know its to late for us but a part of my heart holds out hope against all hope. Please email me back so I know where you stand. I don't want it to be all awkward when you drop off the kids tonight.
DH showed the email because he doesn't hide anything from me. He thinks maybe he should just ignore her but on second thought he thinks he should make it loud and clear that there is no hope he has moved on.
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Ick, ick, ick, do you have to
Ick, ick, ick, do you have to scrub your brain of your DH holding BM in the bath?!
I would respond, but I would be short and to the point, not address her points but make it clear he is not interested in her:
BM, you're crazy. I love WWSMD. Don't email me messages like this again.
I would do this!!! There's my
I would do this!!! There's my vote...how dare she!!!
IGNORE. She's baiting him
IGNORE. She's baiting him into conflict! He'll say something, she'll twist it or argue with it, he'll respond to that because he'll want get the truth across and around in circles they'll go till your DH's head is spinning! She needs to go see a therapist, it's not your DH's job to help her figure out her emotions and past mistakes.
Just want to add, I had to laugh at her expense, goh, I'm embarrassed for her lol "holding me in the bath" haha *barf*!
I would prefer my DH to make
I would prefer my DH to make it LOUD AND CLEAR. Maybe not hash out why their marriage failed. I am sure she was aware that her marriage sucked, doubt it slipped her mind. Maybe he could go into great detail about why he does love you and why your marriage is working out splendidly. She did ask!
"Please do not send me emails
"Please do not send me emails that are unrelated to the children. Our marriage is long over. I am happily remarried. There is nothing for us ever to discuss other than the direct needs of the children".
DH chose this response
DH chose this response although he was tempted to write worse. He added
" I am with my wife because with her I finally know what true love coming from a real beautiful respectful woman is like. A wooman that would rather give than take take take. I only hope one day you find somone you makes you half as happy as she makes me."
He says thank you Marie.
she sounds like my ex. he
she sounds like my ex. he told me that no one was ever going to love me as much as he did. if the way he was meant he loved me so much, then i certainly hope no one ever loves me that much again! he also said that he knew i would always love him because "we have a child together". i set him straight on that immediately. i told him that my daughter is not an extension of him and my love for her has nothing to do with him. i said "i love HER, not you". nevermind that he has never had anything at all to do with her. apparently i am supposed to love him just because he provided sperm. and this ALL he did. i also told him "i had a child BY you, not WITH you." idiots. it's infuriating to have someone else telling you how you feel. and they are always wrong. always.
Self respect is not a concept
Self respect is not a concept most of these BMs understand.
The other two questions.....I've got nothing.
This email screams desperate, lonely loser. }:)
My DH would gouge his eyes
My DH would gouge his eyes out after reading that pathetic mess, and then ignore ignore ignore.
I know that if that was my bm
I know that if that was my bm that did that ignoring would lead her to believe dh still wants her but can't send anything b/c of me. So she will continue to send things like that. I advice would be to send a mess similar to what ann said, "Please do not send me emails that are unrelated to the children. Our marriage is long over. I am happily remarried. There is nothing for us ever to discuss other than the direct needs of the children".
It took dh to finally send a text to bm to stop talking about me and my kids and to keep her opinions to herself before she shut up. We thought that ignoring her would work but nope.
I would ignore it too. And
I would ignore it too. And when she asks if he got the email, I would have him say "What email? Is it about the kids? Because you know that's the only kind of email I will respond to."
Let her make a fool out of herself.
She should not compose emails
She should not compose emails when she's drunk. How pathetic.
I am torn between not responding or making it short and to the point, definitely not sweet.
I typically go with ignore because any response will mean something in her mind BUT not responding to a love letter like this might make her think he is mulling things over, which might make her think she just needs to keep trying. So, maybe he should just shut her down now.
Just going to pick my jaw up
Just going to pick my jaw up off the floor and make myself a cuppa!!
I've always wondered (but am too polite to ask LOL) where the BM was - I knew she was a waste of space but seriously? OMFG....
The elderly man bit just has me OMFG and shaking my head.
love the PS too
Ok, OP - love his response -
Ok, OP - love his response - well done Anne for the basics - perfect put down.
BM actually messaged my OH the other night (Tuesday) and told him he "has to have the kids til 10.30pm Wednesday night as she has a date, she realises it will be a shock to him but he needs to understand that she has to move on with her life, it's time and she hopes he will be supportive and not cause problems, she means to cause him no pain."
LMFAO over and over and over abd then rolling on the floor laughing some more.
WE were highly amused. We have been together 3 years, living together for 2. He replied "no worries"
LOL
He did wonder if it was all an act again (like last time she claimed to be seeing someone) Wednesday night rolls around. He gets the kids from school, we're here, have tea, are all prepared to put them all to bed and for him to get his up later to drop them off when he gets a text from BM -
"can you drop the kids off at the normal time please I am sick and didn't go out...."
Again, reply was "no worries"
}:) But he did say that when he dropped them she didn't seem sick at all....
WE are thinking it was just a ploy to try and make him jealous - in her own warped mind.
I am still struggling with the "held me in the bath" I think I would vomit everywhere if BM ever sent OH anything like that. Psycho.
why oh why don't people who
why oh why don't people who play these games realize how badly they are embarassing themselves? my ex used to try to pull crap when he thought i cared, too. eventually he realized that i don't care and stopped, but it was ridiculous. he is 42, i am 35. he got with me when he was 22 and i was 15 because he's disgusting. about 10 years ago, he told me that he can't keep the 20 year olds off of him. i guess i was supposed to be jealous. i suppose he expected me to envision supple, beautiful young supermodels crawling all over him.
1. he is ugly and so skinny he looks like an AIDS patient.
2. he never has a job. has no home of his own, no car, no money, no education, nothing.
3. he has a record a mile long.
4. he is always high on pot and who knows what else.
yeah, i'm sure he's attracting real high quality people. he didn't bother to mention, but i saw for myself, that these 20 year olds looked like they were older than me, had no teeth, no jobs, no nothing. they were just as worthless and unattractive as him! i don't care either way. i just think it's funny that he wanted me to care so much. he used to play nice quite a bit. since whatever it is that made him realize i do not care and never will happened, he is nothing but a total dick anytime i have to see him, which thank God, is next to never.
I don't know.... some of
I don't know.... some of these chicks are so batshit crazy they take no response as an invitation to continue. BM here is one such loon..... last year she got a bug up her ass about me and decided she needed to text FDH. Incessantly for about two hours, with such drivel as "You know you're the only one I can ever love," "My BF is just a friend to me because you'll always have my heart," etc. She literally sent about 150 texts like that, and he tried to ignore them. It didn't stop until FDH finally replied "You really need therapy, and to focus on your relationship with your BF before you end up homeless. Again." And that was that. Oddly enough, she hasn't pulled any more crap since then.
I think you really need to know what kind of crazy you're dealing with, to shut it down appropriately. In most cases ignoring is the way to go, but some of the special nutjobs require a little more.
And here I go with an
And here I go with an opposing overly fair opinion.
I can understand anyone as we are getting older trying to put the pieces of our past together. I could certainly understand her asking questions in reference to why their marriage broke down, why her husband at the time stopped fighting for it and her asking if there was anything she could have done differently. I also understand trying to resolve internal conflict about how quickly he may have moved on.
I believe it is important for all of us to understand these fundemental things to be able to move on, and also alot of times to be able to forgive any wrong doing to us as well as being forgiven for any wrong doing we may have done to the other person.
If this was poised as simply closure inquiry, I would have not an issue in the world with my husband sending an email back.
However,that is not how this email is written. She goes on the question his spouse choice now and wants an explanation for his choice?
That is where I would draw the line.
Not knowing any history here
Not knowing any history here but I am responding if it where my ex sending me that...
BM,
I wish I could give you the answers you seek, but it is not my place to make you feel any better about any unresolved issues you have about us. The only thing I will say is that there is no more "us". We had our shot, it didn't work and I have moved on. I am very happy in my new life. Perhaps, in time, once you have gone through this grieving process, you will find happiness as well, but I cannot help you in this regard. Please do not email me again on this matter as I have nothing further to say.
Regards, DH