So most of you know that ss15 resides with my mil. He last lived with us-last year from February to June. He was caught stealing my panties, my daughters panties during this time. He has a hx of drug use, is incredibly blatantly oppositional, has a hx of aggression, has made plans to murder my ds, and has in the past crawled up next to my dd15 while she was asleep and "spooned" her on at least 2 different occasions. So essentially it just got to the point in which it no longer felt safe for the other children for him to reside here.

Their contact since then has been extremely sporadic. A few phone conversations here and there and that's about it. I will not allow ss at the house. Dh does not drive due to his brain injury. He lives with inlaws whom dh no longer speaks to. And ss has only expressed an interest in seeing dh if he would do something such as take him camping, meet him at the local amusement park, etc-dh did meet him at the amusement park on one occasion and they spent the day together-but he brought along dd and ss and i'm not sure but I think it pissed ss off. After that day LAST july, ss has not ever mentioned a desire to see dh and in January, randomly texted dh and told him he was done with him, he no longer had a father, dh was crazy. This was random, came just a couple weeks after having a pleasant conversation on the phone. So they didn't talk for 8 months. Dh did try once to speak to ss, but ss would not respond. So fast forward to late July, early this month. SS calls out of the blue. Surprise! Asks dh why he hasn't been calling him. Um, well, ss you told me not to-ss told him that he should have anyway. Anyway they go on to have a fairly pleasant conversation. SS calls again a few days later and asks dh to buy him a moped. Dh says no, but we do have an extra one here, so maybe we could work something out. SS calls a week later and leaves a message about when can he get the moped. (the moped was not actually here-dh was selling it to a friend who then decided he didn't want it, but then it ended up breaking down-so it is actually like 3 hours away, broken down now). Dh did not return the call as at this point he was beginning to feel used. Then ss15 texts the neighbor kid. The neighbor kid comes over and says, "hey, ss texted me and wants to know if you are going to give him that moped". WTF? So dh finally gets mad at this point and says, "No, you can let him know that I am not giving him the moped-its broke down and not even here". So this goes back and forth for a bit.

Then today-while ss is at school he texts dh and tells him AGAIN that he is done with him. That he never wants to see him again unless it is in the court room while he is signing over his rights to my mil. He brought up a bunch of crap that he felt dh did wrong in the 4 months he lived here last year (dh did have sort of a mini mental breakdown in about May of that year-the first two months ss resided here dh did a good job with ss-was on top of things, encouraging, involving him in Church and positive activities, disciplining)-but then dh for what ever reason stopped taking his meds-again he has a mild tbi and ptsd and is rather ocd. Dh was certainly not abusive during that time, but just rather wrapped up in himself, spending a lot of time alone, and spending obsessive amounts of time on the computer, and became even kind of paranoid)-dh got back into the VA the actual day ss moved out, back on his meds and quite frankly I am super proud of what a kind and giving person he is now. So ss throws all this in dh's face essentially and ends it with-never contact me again.

Um, ok. To complicate all this my inlaws are VERY angry with dh, despise me-because my sil stole dh's identify and wracked up credit card debt in his name. After asking her to pay it back and her refusal, dh felt he had no choice but to file a police report to clear his credit. This was last year-if finally goes to court next month. My sil has told everyone all sorts of crazy things about dh and they have dh that they believe her (we have actual print outs of things she bought and had shipped to her house-its a pretty open and close type of case)but they have decided dh is a big piece of shit for turning in his sister and quite frankly they are the most dysfunctional bunch of people I've ever spoken to in my life.

I didn't even know what to say to him. Dh's response was that he wished he was rich so he could send the kid to military school and get him out of inlaws and in an environment which may help him. SS15, himself, is also awaiting his court hearing to see if his probation (for possessing paraphinilia)is going to be revoked since he got in a fight with someone while doing community service. There is a good chance he will be going to detention at least for a few weeks. He did not respond to ss's texts at all. Which in some ways I think is a positive. But on the other hand I feel like he should confront ss with the truth. That he'd be living right here in our home and we probably would've bought him a damn moped if he hadn't made the choices he did and chosen to disrespect and violate everyone in this household.

My dh is trying so hard to be a good person. he devotes hours and hours of work a week to volunteer activities-he is involved with the homeless program at Churhc-delivers food to the homeless and feeds them every Monday, he volunteers for all youth activities at Church, went to FL as a youth chaperone this year, went to Honduras this summer on a mission trip, he gets up every single morning, gets the kids up, attends their dr's appts, cleans the house (he could do better here) and has plans to begin helping remodel a womens' drug treatment facility starting next month. Alljust to try and give back. He is imperfect for sure, he can get grouchy, he drives me nuts sometimes, but he is trying so so hard to be a good person. This takes him back to square one. He knows his son has problems. He knows he's in a bad environment. He knows the kid can't come back here because there are other kids to think of. He does not want to leave me and the other kids to spend the next 2.5 years with a kid who is certainly not going to appreciate it and might not even be able to stay out detention long enough for it to really matter. His bm is unwilling to take him back-because he grew pot in her front yard at 13 and almost caused cps to take HER other kids-she does visit with him-typically every 3 months or so for a day-although she visited with him like 10 days over the month of July. She does nothing to assist in his financial support. SS does get part of dh's VA pay and we pay for health, dental insurance, and all copays for him.

So sorry for this very long winded post-but what do you all advise dh to do?