More of a concept than anything. All BM wants to do is the dance of engagement with DH. It's taken years but he finally sees it.

He sent her three messages on three topics and the only one she responded to was to blame blame blame him. The ones about the kids, silence. The one about her blaming him for not attending an appt, which he responded with neutrality (defending himself not blaming her), she responded with more blame.

It's taken so many years for DH not to do the same thing but more importantly to recognize that's exactly what he was doing. And now that he does he sees so much clearer her doing it and how counterproductive it is. It's a dance, of engagement she wants and he's decided he's out.