WTF
Since we told BM and FSD of our plans to marry, FDH has seen FSD once, on a Sunday, for four hours. Weirdly enough, BM has all these last minute plans that don’t allow FDH to see his daughter. Last night he gets a text telling him that he won’t get her this weekend the following weekend or the one after that, but he can have her the second to last weekend of August, because they have plans Labor day weekend. FDH, texted her back saying, so you are telling me you are going to keep my daughter from me for a month and a half because YOU have plans? She changed her tune a bit after that. I don’t know if she thought he would just lay down and take it or what. The last two weeks she has waited until an hour or so before he’s supposed to pick her up and then says, Oh sorry I told FSD she can go to a slumber party she’s already there or we decided last minute to go out of town. WTF. She said she would change her plans so that FSD and FDH will have their visitation. On a positive side, FSD was really chatty and happy on the Sunday we did see her, seems she is getting used to the idea of us getting married. What is wrong with these women that they think it’s ok to shorten Dads already small amount of time with their kids?
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Hi FormerAA, FDH and BM do
Hi FormerAA, FDH and BM do not have a CO, I blogged about it a bit back. We are backing up all texts and emails for when we do go to court whenever that may be.
FCT, He did a great job
FCT, He did a great job calling her out last night. She threatens all the time to take him to court, that she holds all the cards but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want this in the hands of a judge, that would take all her perceived power away. FDH stands his ground with her and that's when the mass texts come. He ignores them. I'm worried that until he gets a CO that she is telling FSD that FDH doesn't want to see her. While we never talk badly about her mother, it's not wrong for us to tell her that he wanted to see her and couldn't is it?
Echo, I hear what you are
Echo,
I hear what you are saying. And he agrees that this needs to go to court. He also wants to have all his ducks in a row, prior to going to court.
Since this is the first time
Since this is the first time visitation has been with held, he just started. She (BM) has been a bit cray the last year (texts and whatnot) but she hasn't tried to keep FSD from him until the last two weeks. I just got off the phone with him and he is going to fill the motion for parenting time next week. Thanks FormerAA, great idea.
You won't regret it, TRUST
You won't regret it, TRUST ME.
Having a CO vs not having a CO can make a world of difference. Not just for the kid but for your future marriage.
Almost 11.
Almost 11.
That's kind of like my DH.
That's kind of like my DH. When I met him, he was going TO BM's HOUSE to see his kids because that was the only way she would let him (conveniently enough, when she needed a babysitter!).
Luckily for him, they were young enough when we met and he LISTENED to me. He was under the impression (from BM, natch) that HE didn't have any rights because THEY were never married. I was the one who set him straight on that, that he had father's rights no matter if they were married or not.
He got a CO. Unfortunately, in this state, the COs are like Rottweilers with dentures. No bite. He did win a contempt case against her but didn't even get enough money to cover the lawyer's fees. He didn't even get awarded make-up time. ::sigh::
I am glad that some states are getting their acts together in regards to this disparity.
We live in a very pro BM
We live in a very pro BM state. There has been talk of mandatory 50/50 statute however it was put on hold this year and it's unlikely to pass next year.
No, they never married and it
No, they never married and it hasn't been too much of an issue. It will be happening now though.
PAS...it's a horrific issue
PAS...it's a horrific issue when BM's become jealous. I don't want to sound like a downer but it's reality. Read Divorce Poison from Dr. Richard Warshack.
The court has told BM to knock off the PASing but she is so narcissistic it's all about her.
I'll check that out.
I'll check that out.
Is it all possible that this
Is it all possible that this isn't about the new wedding but the news coincided with Summer plans and things will go back to status quo? How long has this been going on? Are we talking months or just a few weeks?
I only ask because you must weigh everything. If they have a history of working visitation out then Id say he just talks. At first anyway.
If in your state a CO is a paper dragon then at 11, it may not be worth the ensuing WAR that could erupt if you take her to court if these issues can be worked out between them.
I know that isn't a popular opinion, but Im putting it out there.
It's been two weeks. It
It's been two weeks. It shouldn't matter whether or not summer plans come into play, she should not keep his daughter from him for a month and a half. Her plans whatever they may be do not take precedence over his time with his daughter. I do agree with you that the last thing we want is a war. She has agreed to change her plans (for now) so that he gets to see his daughter, but it shouldn't have even come to that. This whole issue never should have been an issue in the first place.
Its just one of those
Its just one of those situations where you have to weigh everything. The personalities involved, the way the state even enforces CO, how much flexibility your spouse needs to see the kids and would amping the drama with court make her be likely to vindictive and not deviate from a CO if he needs flexibility ever. There is no right or wrong cookie cutter answer. We all have different circumstances to deal with.
She shouldn't withhold the child for that long and he definitely needs to let her know that he is not okay with that. If she is a high conflict person then he has a better shot if he just tells her that it really hurt him.to not see their daughter rather than anything that will get her defensive and aggressive.
As for CO, that's something you two will have to discuss and weigh the options for. Only you know all the variables in your story.
Tell her it hurts him? Her
Tell her it hurts him? Her point is to hurt him. I understand your point and thank you for posting your opinion but I think that if she knows it is hurting him she will continue to use that as a weapon.
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