DH doent want more babies and he didn't want BS8months
MY DH is being an ass! I'm not sure what got into him but I being crying my freaking eyes out. DH has been telling me for like a year even when I was pregnant with BS that once BS turns 1years old we can have another baby if we can afford it. I brought it up to him today that since I just got a promotion that we can afford another baby. He says.
DH: To be honest I don't want anymore kids I just said that to make you happy.
ME: Stop playing
DH: I'm serious
ME: WTF we have been talking about this for a year even before we got married I told you I wanted 2 kids and you said that was great because you wanted 4.
DH: I didn't really want any more kids I just wanted to make you happy
Me: So you didn't want BS
DH: He is here now and I love him. Its just... forget it
Me: *crying* you know what I'm tired of your crap
DH: Are you really going to start crying right now. *walks to door*
Me: Where r u going?
DH: I gotta go to work you can yell at me later.
I am really freaking hurt right now. WTF happened to my husband. He never acted like this. Well we fight but he is never this much of an ass. My heart is split into. I feel like a high school girl whose first love just dumped her. His words stung my heart. How could he say that my baby is my heart and soul and I wanted another one. The way he is acting makes me think about finding a new DH. 
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You probably do need another
You probably do need another DH. This one is a lying jackass.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this
I will say, though, that perhaps he feels overwhelmed with three kids. Some people relate better to kids than babies. Do I think this guy is being a jerk, you bet. But this may be an issue to seek marital counseling over to try and work out.
Yep, need to find a new DH,
Yep, need to find a new DH, this one can't handle a successful woman. There are lots of men out there who would love a successful financially independent woman who is also a great mother to her kids. You deserve better. What a jackass.
^^^exactly^^ can't handle a
^^^exactly^^ can't handle a successful woman. this will not get better. he will only fester worse.
Sweetnutz, that's what pisses
Sweetnutz, that's what pisses me off most about this guy, is his revision of history. I hate guys who play these sick twisted mind games that are just devastating. And then he callously says, what, you're crying now, and then leaves. to me that's almost worse than an affair.
Sorry OP, he's not worth any more of your energy. He totally sucks. But he knows you're better than he his and he's threatened by that and feels he must keep you down somehow.
Dang, SweetNutz, that's
Dang, SweetNutz, that's awful, that's why affairs are often just another form of abuse in my opinion.
Your DH may be a bit afraid
Your DH may be a bit afraid right now and was not expecting the question of babies on top of everything else. I'd give him a little time before you really sit down and discuss this again. You've 'hit' him with some pretty big life changers in a very short time. Let him digest it all. You have every right to want to continue the talk you started about another baby, but if you force this discussion or as you said 'yell at him tonight', it might not go well. IMO your timing was a bit off.
I understand you want another baby. You're excited about your promotion, higher income and you're full of planning your future. Rightfully so. Congrats on the promotion, by the way. You may be intimidating him too fast too soon. First the new job and with that of course more self income. That might have him feeling threatened or possibly inferior (remember men are big ego babies). Second, he was already having some doubts about the additional time and responsibility the work might cause and how it might affect the homefront and mothering. Lastly, you just requested to add a another child to the house. I think you may have blindsided him.
You know he loves your baby boy. You know he wanted the child. He loves baby, right? Perhaps slow down just a tad. Start your new promotion. Let him see indeed you can do it and be a great mother (you can take on the added work and be a great mommy, you know that). Baby is now 8 months old. You two discussed when baby was a year. Give him a bit to see the job is going to be fine (of course it is, you know it, but he's a doubting tom at the moment). Bring the desire to expand your family again after he's relaxed some. If he then says no, well then you have some serious talking to do with what you intend to do if he's still being an a$$.
I agree with this too, maybe
I agree with this too, maybe it was too much too soon. But the callous way he reacted is inexcusable and he needs to know that. He could have been a little nicer and shown a little more support for the promotion. I do understand if a guy hesitates at the thought of 4 kids, that's reasonable, but the total lack of support for the promotion is not cool.
He was an ass! I find men are
He was an ass! I find men are big babies...want there cake and eat it too. I think there is a lot of truth in the statement...The difference betweem men and boys and the price of their toys. I would wait until the baby is walking. It maybe he thought you were ready to get pregant again...ASAP. I would think you would a least wait until the baby is out of diapers before giving birth to a second child. It also rough on a woman's body to have kids so close together.
Good Luck.
What a butthead. I would have
What a butthead. I would have freaked out at your DH if I was in your shoes.
I think he might also be a bit threatened by your promotion. He might think it's not what "he signed up for." Some men, even though they profess to like women who are independent and successful, secretly still want a "housewife" who depends on them. Now that his world is being shaken up, he's being a dick to try and fix some of his fragile ego.
THIS When i met DH, he
THIS
When i met DH, he thought me being smart and successful was so cool. He is also very smart and successful. It was part of the attraction.
I have learned over the last 6 years now that he secretly wants me to be a housewife providing a clean home, a hot meal and wear an apron...
He repeatedly tells me, you know, if we are careful, you can quit your job and just stay home.... huh? I have never ever in my life said that is something I wanted, or ever even indicated that it was something I would consider.
I have told him point blank that I will never NOT work - I would be bored out of my mind - besides, not like if I quit we'd have tons of income for me to just go about and feel like I could spend money - activities aren't free you know....
Anyway, he usually sighs loudly when I proclaim he is nuts if he thinks I will stop working, and a few months go by until he brings it up again. I am simply not housewife material, I have always worked, I also have 2 daughters of my own aged 13\9 which I support 100% financially because their dad doesn't contribute - I will always work because I will always support my children myself - I do not ask anything of DH financially. We split all bills 50-50 and I intend to keep it that way.
idk - I think sometimes he is now threatened. He used to make more than me. Usually still does, I now have a more variable income, but if I am on up times - I pull in a lot more than him, on down times, I pull in just a little less - and it seems to bother him - that was unexpected....
Men are silly about that stuff.
At least your DH goes in a
At least your DH goes in a round about way of saying that. Mine just says outright, "I would love it if you could depend on me and just stay at at home... like a traditional housewife." I usually give him the "Do you wish to die?" look when he musters up the balls to tell me that and he sheepishly slinks off.
Sir, have you seen the state of my kitchen? When was the last time I did laundry? I can cook but that's about it.
I am also not housewife material and as if we can live on his salary alone.
I just told you that to make
I just told you that to make you happy?
What a douchebag!
Thanks guys I'm trying to
Thanks guys I'm trying to read your advice but I'm so freaking upset just been holding baby and crying all damn day and baby is upset cause he knows mommy is upset and the stepkids kip bothering me and I really just want to be left alone.
Tell those freaking skids to
Tell those freaking skids to leave you alone! you need time to be pissed off and process all this. It's a lot. So sorry.
You don't say his age but my
You don't say his age but my husband struggles with our baby at 44 after having all his others younger with his ex. Maybe he's finding tiredness etc hard but hasn't said? Does your baby sleep well. If he's generally a good man I suspect the thought of another child so soon was a bit overwhelming. Some men are not very good at explaining how they feel. Maybe look on it that he's being responsible admitting that another child at the moment may be too much? Also just a thought but how much couple time do you get. Maybe he wants some time for you two? And hope you won't take offence but his comment that " you can yell at me later" would have me thinking is that what I do? If he thinks that he may wind himself up all day. Maybe send him a nice text saying no yelling, and you will talk later so he doesn't feel he's coming home to hostility. I find with my husband that if I mention something just once, then leave it, he come back to me in a week or so and often agrees. If I keep on he just gets nasty. Hope that may help.
you poor thing! i'm SO
you poor thing! i'm SO sorry. maybe you don't want to take care of skids? you're only doing it to make him happy. it was nice of him for finally being honest. your whole marriage was a sham?? he lied to get a live in babysitter/maid/sugar momma? i'm sure your promotion was GREAT as long as it benefitted skids, but there's a problem now that you want it diverted to your own family? what a dick. i'd immediately STOP doing anything for his preciousess and look for counseling, and begin looking for another place to live. do not allow him to backtrack on this. he said "it's just...forget it". sounds like he chickened out, wouldn't tell you the rest of his feelings. major counseling needed here.
I'm sorry. Some things just
I'm sorry. Some things just can't be unsaid.