What treatment do you want from your SKs? Do you want your sks to love or like you,

Or at this point, do you want them to treat you with respect? I just want mine to treat me respectfully and they are pretty good at that. Not perfect (but who is?) but pretty good. As good at that as teens can be.

We often talk about putting the marriage first, them accepting us into their lives, etc. And while I think that's all good, I think to biology and how no living creature on this planet is wired to want a sp. No other species has kids bouncing between two homes and has as many as four adults acting as parents to their offspring. Just us. And even we were not doing this so frequently until recently. I can see how these situations create a lot of room for emotions to take over for everyone involved. BMs, DHs, us and SKs. As a result of emotions taking over, treating others with respect is often thrown to the wind.

Most of these kids have been in their respective routines for so long in regards to their parents guilt parenting, being at BMs beck and call, etc., that it is possible for me to see how they can get really thrown off when a sp comes on the scene and dad/and/or sp start making changes, like no more joint birthday parties (I think most kids like seeing their parents in the same room on their birthdays and that is understandable), a new parent in their lives (we humans are only wired to want two and for those two to be in a relationship), etc. These changes are changes we aren't wired to want. These changes are even more difficult in situations where bm is a PASinator, the sm is the "other woman" and the sks are old enough to pick up on that, etc. All of the situations mentioned on this site require the bioparents to step up and help their kids and teach them good, healthy, RESPECTful ways of dealing with such strong feelings, and still treating the SPs with respect. Even if the SK despises them for what is a seemingly poor reason in our eyes.

Like I said before, I can see how these situations create room for strong emotions to take over. When that happens, treating others with respect is often thrown to the wind.

Given all the crap these situations hurl at every member of a blended/step family, what treatment do you want from your sks?

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I expect the same treatment

I expect the same treatment from my SS9 and SD5 that I would expect from any other child who was in my care. I want them to respect me and obey me. I am good to them and I expect them to be good to me. I just hope BM doesn't turn them against me as they get older. I think I would be heartbroken.

At this point, I want him to

At this point, I want him to do as I do. Disengage, leave me alone, nothing more. I have given up hope that he will respect me, so now all I want is for him to recognize that I am done and be done with me as well. He terrorizes me. I have ignored him for months, but he has not stopped.

I'm with fedup13. I want

I'm with fedup13. I want them to leave me alone. I was good to them When they were growing up and I am now vilified as a horrible controlling person because they were told by their father to say goodbye to me EOWE when they left to go home. The horror. I was told that im good enough to babysit grand step kids but I'm a horrible awful person all according to step adults and BM.

The irony there is that if I felt someone was an awful person I wouldn't want them around my children which is why I don't want my own bios around them. Guess they have no such concern in exchange for free babysitting.

Soooooooo I chose to not be anywhere around these people. H is free to have whatever relationship he wants . I do not care. I don't want to be a part of it. Instead I chose to get off the crazy train.

same with me. i don't need

same with me. i don't need her to love or like me. she doesn't even need to be respectful, as long as she isn't disrespectful. i just want her to leave me alone. stop stalking me at work, stop starting rumors about me in her family, stop worrying and caring about what is going on in MY life. just be indifferent to me. she could be civil when we have to see each other and forget about me when we don't. that would be great.

she would rather try to force herself on me and scream from the rooftops how horrible i am to not serve her. she wants to tell fdh and i how to live our lives and what we can and can't do. she's extremely nosy, she needs to worry about her own life and not what's going on in ours. she only wants to know because if it's good, she wants to bitch, if it's bad, she wants to gloat.

I agree with this. I tried at

I agree with this. I tried at first and was insulted and disrespected and the whole nine yards. Just to be left alone. Sadly the respect thing is out the window. The skids respect nobody.

Love!!!

Love!!! Haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats hilarious. I would rather love a death row inmate accused of killing ten people. And I am not kidding.

When I was first going into

When I was first going into this train wreck, I was wearing some pretty thick rose-colored glasses.

I thought we could be one blissfully blended family. I wanted the skids to love me. Nope. That didn't work out.

Ok, they don't have to love me. That's fine. I wanted them to like me. No? Well crap.

Alright, how about just respect me? Show some appreciation for the crap that I do for them that I DON'T have to do. All of the things that they NEED or just WANT & BM can't or won't provide for them, that I help to make sure they have . That's a great big NO too.

Now, I just want them to leave me the hell alone & stay out of my life. Impossible, I know, as my bios are their sibs and DH & I have a great relationship, but a girl can only take so much before she goes certifiably insane.

we all know you don't have to

we all know you don't have to do the things you do, but try to tell a skid you don't have to. see how much of that they believe. sd is 20 and has been nothing but a shitheaded bitch to me for 8 years, and she still thinks i owe her the sun, moon and stars, even after everything she has done to me. why? because i'm with HER dad. that's why. if anyone is with HER dad, they owe HER. :sick:

Well of course. In their

Well of course. In their minds, our money is DH's money and DH's money is THEIR money so therefor, OUR money is also THEIR money. Its a never-ending shitstorm.

I've been dealing with their bullshit for 8 years too. I've disengaged completely from SD19. I will never do another thing for her, unless of course she desperately needs someone to kick her in the teeth. THAT I will gladly help with. I'm partially disengaged from SS17 & SS8. Those two are a bit tricky because SS17 lives with us FT & SS8 is a decent kid, he's just been PASed so much that he's becoming a POS type of person. Its difficult for me because I KNOW there's a decent kid in there, BM, along with SD19 & MIL, have just buried his decency with tons and tons of bad behavior, poor manners, and a sense of entitlement.

You know your skids are shitty people when their own father admits that his kids are awful people...

Now, just stay the fuck away from me please. So far, that plan has worked!