FDH slept with BM after she left him
I started to make a comment on someone else's blog but I got to writing a lot and thought this might "take over" the blog so I thought I would give it its own space.
FDH told me aa while ago, something that happened right around the time of his divorce with BM.
I warn you, this is really messed up, and I still can't get my head around it,...maybe because I am a woman,... I don't know....
FDH and BM have been legally divorced since 2008, but BM moved out a while before that.
BM had an affair and LEFT FDH, FDH asked for counseling, wanted to work it out, but BM filed.
So, FDH had a period of time that he went "WHORE-ING" around depressed and sleeping with just about anything with a V,... that included BM one last time, either while the divorce was being finalized or after it was final. BM had long since moved out and was the mistress to the married man she left FDH for. This married man paid for her rent in an apartment right next to where he worked AT THE POLICE STATION AS A POLICE OFFICER.(remember this later)
FDH said to me, "Hell I didn't want to get back together with her, but we were at her place sitting at the kitchen table and talking about how we were going to handle things with the kids. And she put her hand on my knee, then started rubbing my leg. So I thought, sure what the hell."
He said it was a "HATE F#@K" and she got all pissed at him that afterwards he pulled up his pants and walked out without saying a word to her and never met her at her place to talk about anything ever again. Never spoke of it and very soon after that got a steady girlfriend (NOT ME, I came along much later)
I don't know if BM was trying to get him back RIGHT AFTER the divorce was filed,...or if she was just lonely or what.
But FDH said he loved seeing the look on her face when he left after, that he felt even. She crushed FDH by "bringing another man into my house and F#@KING him in our bed", and FDH could see the crushed look on BM face when she saw that "I didn't give a flying F#@K about her anymore. THere was not going to be any kissing or hugging or cuddling or talking. And I most certainly didn't want her anymore." and he said , "It also gave me tremendous satisfaction to know that I F#@Ked her in the apartment that sleazeball was paying for, and I bet he never even found out I did her under his nose."
He really felt like what he did was justified and got BM right in the jugular, right where he felt he had been stabbed,...and at the same time got back at the man who(was married himself) but that BM had the affair with.
I was kind of in shell shock when FDH told me this and all I could think of to say was, "Knowing what we know now about BM, you are very lucky that BM didn't run right next door to the police station after you left screaming rape."
BM must have been in shock too, I guess, and hurt,... I guess we all talk about ways we would want to get back at BM, or stick it to her, or show her the pain she is causing us,... but my FDH REALLY did,....
And she KNOWS he doesn't want her back and will never take her back,...
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He is lucky. Some BMs have
He is lucky. Some BMs have done even worse than cry rape for vengeance. And if he had gotten her pregnant...
This is the kind of thing I
This is the kind of thing I would NOT want to hear about.
Even if my DH did "do" BM after their separation...I wouldn't want to know. Think his filing for divorce was the only FU he needed to give to her.
She actually filed for
She actually filed for divorce. He wanted her to stay,... She wanted to be the mistress to this matured police officer...
But I do understand what you mean,... I really didn't want to know. FDH volunteered the information....
I'm sorry, I was talking
I'm sorry, I was talking about my DH filing.
I'm still sad you had to hear about this. The idea of sex with BM just has its own special "ick" factor, KWIM?
When my ex was waffling back
When my ex was waffling back and forth about us splitting up (and I was clinging to the remnants of our marriage for dear life) he would stay the night in the house when he was in the country. One night we had sex. I thought things were on the right path. His parting words as he walked out the door the next afternoon for the airport (I had asked him when we can make plans to get back together and he had told me he still hadn't made up his mind... I asked him "Well what was last night about?") he said and I quote "You wanted it, you got it. It meant nothing to me."
At that point death would have been easier. It hurt me to the core. It threw the last heap of shit on me that that man could ever throw. Inside I had turned and was totally done with him and waited for him to pay for the divorce. The lasyarse waited 2.5 more years until I forced him to file. And even THEN he waffled as to whether he REALLY wanted this. I knew inside I would NEVER go back to him because I had been used once too often. No one else on this earth knows this except him and me... and now my STalk posse. I would never tell my DH because even now he would probably kill him. And the next time ex came to town I told him he would have to rent a hotel room. He was not welcome at all to stay the night ever again.
Yeah,... I feel for
Yeah,... I feel for you...
This may be the only ONLY time I have ever felt sympathy for BM....
**hugs** That was cruel.
**hugs**
That was cruel.
I filed on my cheating exh
I filed on my cheating exh but just after it was final one thing led to another and well it felt awesome after to dress andbwalk out saying see ya. He asked me over a few days later and I said "I'm not intereated in revisiting that anymore." He went off called me all sorts of nasty things accused me of cheating (the divorce was final I was a single woman) I ignored him and have ever simce that was my payback make him feel what I felt for once.
that description of a "hate
that description of a "hate f*ck" sounds like how DH described having sex with BM even while they were married haha. He HATED and resented her, but felt like he was stuck with her... but men are men, and they still want sex. Sex can be so many different things can't it? So, does that make my skids "hate babies" rather than love babies?
Since he didn't do it while
Since he didn't do it while he was with you I don't find it a huge deal. Exes sleep together all the time.
I just think that it takes a real asshole to sleep with his ex when he is in another relationship.
I have had that happen to me,
I have had that happen to me, when I was much younger. It broke my heart and I could never do that to someone like they did.!!!
When I met DH, he was living
When I met DH, he was living in a low-rent very small place. He didn't have a parenting plan. Him and BM never married and he was convinced (by BM, of course) that he didn't have any rights over and above what she was so generous to give him (basically, if she needed a free babysitter, he had to get himself to her place and and then he could spend time with his kids).
We clicked instantly. We spent a lot of time together for a month. Then all of a sudden, he vanished.
I found out much later that he tried once more to make it work with BM after he started developing feelings for me. Obviously, she screwed that up. The main problem with that, as far as I am concerned, was it made it hard for her to have closure since they were always on-again, off-again pretty much breaking up every time they had an argument.
I don't remember how long it was, but all of a sudden, he was somewhere I was again and that spark just took right off again. I guess he had told a friend of his that he just couldn't stop thinking about me and that friend encouraged him to get back in touch with me. That was about 14 years ago.
I try not to dwell on it because of how happy we are and how compatible we are, but it does feel a little ishy that he must have had sex with BM after he met me and we had been intimate. :sick: