Just married less than a month and the skids are coming for 6 weeks..advice?
The love of my life, and I just got married last month. We are now all under one roof. We did not live together the 4 1/2 years we dated.
The skids are coming for 6 weeks starting June 28th, right now we have them every other weekend and Wednesdays.
We have already told them that Crazo is not allowed in the house under any circumstances.
Advice from those of you that are in my shoes. Do you spend much time with your skids when they come for long visits? I am thinking of just continuing my regular routine. They are nice kids and I actually like spending some time with them, but I don't want to be consumed with kid stuff.
What do you all do?
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I have read Stepmonster and
I have read Stepmonster and about 10 other books on the step world over the last almost 5 yrs. It is a great book.
I have learned so much from everyone here and have kept my world mostly separate from his, and his kids. Because of this site I have dodged the bullet in so many step situations. The summer visit thing is confusing for me.
Thankfully I have raised my
Thankfully I have raised my daughter so I am way past the needing to have infulence thing and this site taught me quickly, some very valuable lessons such as they have a mom and dad and I am neither. You are so right 6 weeks is a long time.
Just remember no matter how
Just remember no matter how close you think you are with them over the visitation...it won't last...the next time you see them you will have to start all over again. They forget everything you have ever done for them!
Who is taking care of them?
Who is taking care of them? Is this the FIRST time they come for such an extended period of time? Here is what I suggest:
1. if they have been there bofore for 6 weeks or similar, they should continue to stay with whoever they stayed before...even if that means DAYCARE
2. if they have NOT been there before, it's because your DH could not afford it, so they should NOT use you now as a baby sitter...very typical of BMs...wonderful tactic on their part
3. Good luck
Thankfully they don't need to
Thankfully they don't need to be taken care of, they are 12 and 15. My husband has had them for 6 weeks many times but we were not married then and we didn't live together before we were married a month ago.
They are pretty easy kids. I dated my now husband 4 1/2 years before we married. Theythey know my house rules, and they follow them for the most part.
We just haven't ever been under the same roof before for that period of time.
do not allow ANYONE to try
do not allow ANYONE to try and guilt you into doing things for the skids. give and do what you want to do without becoming resentful. sounds like you're off to a good start and have your eyes wide open. it's better to be slightly dis-engaged from the beginning and adding things in as you and the skids become comfortable with each other than going in full-hog, being primary care-taker and changing your life to conform to them and becoming resentful have to step back (and possibly damage your marriage) later. remember, you are NOT their parent, but a person who someday may come to care for them very much. let the skids come to you, allow them to pace the relationship and don't let your dh try to force ANYTHING.