So now you show up . . .
SD13 is showing up this weekend after a month 1/2 break from DH. Limited phone calls, no show visits . ..the whole nine. Why is she coming this weekend? Well it's her B-day of course.
DH already spent one day with her this week . . .I sent my very small gift with him hoping she'd be satisfied }:) Didn't work . .she's coming this weekend anyway.
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Problem: I have spent the
Problem: I have spent the past few years going all out for this kids B-day just like I would for my own BS13. Does she appreciate it? Hell no . . .she picks up her gifts and then goes back to her room and shuts the door. DH and BM both sat back and watched me do this crap for her and neither one of them did anything. No party, no gifts. . .me and my family did it all. I have had enough and I don't intend on doing anything. Then I get the call from DH yesterday asking what I thought about getting her cake . . .WTH! You see he's noticed me pulling away from all of this crap and I think that he thinks if we do this stuff she'll want to come visit more often. I really don't care if she never comes back myself. I'm tired of the attitude and anti-social behavior. So what do you guys think? How can I keep the peace in my marriage (it's been so peaceful since she's not coming around)but still show this kid that I'm not playing a game with her?
i told fdh straight to his
i told fdh straight to his face when i decided i was done with it all that if he wanted sd to have a cake, card, gift, whatever, he was going to have to do it himself because i had been disrespected and dismissed by her for the last time. guess what? she never got a cake again! he did give her money, but the extras were overwith. i don't think he took me seriously when i told him i was done. but i meant it. and he figured out after her bday and a couple of holidays went by with no recognition from me at all. i don't care. i don't do anything for ingrates.
"i don't care. i don't do
"i don't care. i don't do anything for ingrates."
AMEN TO THAT SISTER!!!!
Tasha surely he knows that
Tasha surely he knows that she's only showing up now for the b-day right???? I mean surely he knows he doesn't need to feed this monster right??? He can continue to be treated poorly but I won't!
I feel the same way BI. I'm
I feel the same way BI. I'm tired and it's disrespectful. He tried to play it off by saying we could just do something for both kids since they did so well in school this year, but he kept calling the cake a birthday cake. My son knows that he's expected to do well . . .I don't pay him for this. I did the same thing for the past couple of holidays . . .I don't even mention her. He's trying to have her a party under the pretense that it's an end of the school year party. I'll do that at the end of the school year next week.
If she was 5 years old I'd
If she was 5 years old I'd say get her a cake - but at 13 she knows what she is doing.
Tell your husband you think it would be nice if HE got her a cake. Be pleasant and civil to her but don't lift a finger to do anything special for her.
I'm a bitch so I'd probably fix liver for dinner. (something I love but everyone else hates)
Liver! You just made me
Liver! You just made me smile
You are right at 13 she's knows the deal. I really don't want to cater to her any longer. He can do that all by himself. I've got a pool to open and yard work to do. She can suck eggs!
What do I think about getting
What do I think about getting a cake? Response: /shrug Sure honey, you can get her a cake if you want to.
Then move on. You have no committed to doing anything for this birthday, you already gave your gift, so just let it go. Anything he asks (within reason of course) "Sure honey, you can do that if you want to." and then change the subject.
When it comes to them actually having to DO something (like visit a store), suddenly it's not that big a deal, not that pressing.
If he actually gets up the nerve to say anything to you about the stepping back or get shitty with you about not doing it, shrug and tell him that he and the kid's mom didn't seem to think her birthdays were a big deal since neither of them did anything and you didn't want to over step. You're going to leave all that fun party, birthday stuff right where it belongs - on his shoulders.
If SD can't make the effort
If SD can't make the effort to show up on days other than her birthday and Christmas, she gets NOTHING but a card.
That's what we had to do to get the point across to Stepdevil14. If you make zero effort, you get zero back. Get what you give. Period.
I hear ya Red. . . I had to
I hear ya Red. . . I had to vent cause I know ya'll have my back
I think this weekend will be full of yard work and planting flowers }:)
Vent away sweetie. And yes,
Vent away sweetie.
And yes, avoid any and all contact with the little twit.
I hate this shit. I can't
I hate this shit. I can't count the number of times DH has been in tears or on the verge of tears because one skid or another has treated him like a piece of crap... only coming around when they want something, not coming around at all, ignoring him on Father's Day, birthday, etc. But as upset as he'll get when it's happening.. when they do grace us eventually with their presence they go right back up to king and queen status with him... I don't get it