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Warning...anger is a feeling reserved strictly for SO's/DH's.... apparently

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:04pm

So, just reading an email from SO regarding problem with 20 year SD and he states "I need your support and understanding. The situation makes me sad and angry and I need your support not greater anger than my own".

So wise up ladies...despite all the shit thrown at us and unsupportive/non-understanding SO's/DH's, we are not "allowed" to feel angry...just need to give them "support"...LMFAO Smile Smile Smile

Comments

Sunflower1's picture

Submitted by Sunflower1 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 1:48pm

You know dtzy, I haven't thought of that before. I think you're right though, excellent insight.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:27pm

Here's some "support": }:) }:) }:)

"Dear SO

I am soooo sorry that you are having to deal with these problems. I know it hurts you very much to have a SD who makes such bad decisions in life. You deserved to have had a nice, kind daughter with high morals. It is sad that SD brings none of that to the table.

I know you would have liked SD to get an education and be able to support herself and be a positive influence on those around her. I so feel for you as she has not come close to achieving any of those things.

The latest things she is doing bring you great pain and anger. I wish I could make it all better for you. I wish I could just kiss you and make all of the problems go away."

states75

See now there's an example of being there for him and not being angry.

Translation - You poor schmuck. Your daughter is one worthless POS. }:) }:) }:)

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:27pm

Hey dtzyblnd,

Yes 100% agree at the lashing out at us.....he wouldn't DARE address the actual 'cause' of the problem.....Little Miss Princess...lol

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:43pm

Yep....boggles the mind and then some!!!!

Oh yes....definitely easier for them to get mad at us, as unfortunately all these men want is a 'quiet life'....blah, blah, blah....urggghhhhh }:)

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:43pm

Yep....boggles the mind and then some!!!!

Oh yes....definitely easier for them to get mad at us, as unfortunately all these men want is a 'quiet life'....blah, blah, blah....urggghhhhh }:)

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 12:59pm

LOL...that'll be why my shoes need replacing so often....all that spinning on my heels and walking away.

It was wanting a quiet life, I.e. by not parenting, that got you into this mess.....yawn.... Moron !!

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 1:39pm

Haha Myspoon...LMFAO...couldn't have put it better myself Smile

MommaSaSa's picture

Submitted by MommaSaSa on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 2:46pm

I don't get this dumb shit.

YOU were the one who couldn't control your penis and decided to knock up a POS and have a POS child, and have me carry that baggage for YOU!!?!?!?!? And I should feel bad for you and your bad decisions???

I think not. Efffff offfffff! DISENGAGE!

States75's picture

Submitted by States75 on Sun, 05/05/2013 - 5:52am

Hi chokinonlemons

Thank you for your comments. I’ve read your comments & your blog & I can fully understand why you would not need your DH to be ‘angry’ with you, you have a lot on your plate & I can imagine things are not easy for you.

However, I am only human. This ‘kid’ is actually a 20 year old woman, who has done everything she can think of to split us up. So yes, I am sometimes angry SO because amongst other things:

1. He has been the Disney Dad, not only after the divorce, but before as well. His ego needs ‘unconditional love’...what easier source than his own children. He does not see that. He does not think the situation is of his making.

2. He has recognised the pattern of his daughter’s behaviour with his 2nd wife & then subsequent GF yet has always chosen to ignore it, blame the other woman…NEVER have I heard him say it is his/his daughter’s fault. He only recently told me there had been such issues, although I had my suspicions about his 2nd marriage.

3. His ‘kids’ (17 & 20 females) have never received any punishment or suffered consequences for their actions. I can honestly say I have NEVER seen any, nor have I have heard him talk of them receiving any. However, he likes to ‘punish’ me….he gave my WEDDING DRESS to his YSD friend b/c “she’s a good kid & her parents can’t afford it.” WFT. B/c I said I wasn’t ready to marry him yet?!?! (The dress is not a traditional wedding dress, but nor is she getting married). He got so mad about the whole situation, that that was my ‘punishment’. He also transferred by gym/spa membership to YSD (yes he did pay for it but it was ALL HIS IDEA for me to join etc.). The reason he gave me, was that YSD she was stressed & had a skin complaint (there is a salt water pool at the spa). This only after 2 days of me saying I needed to go to the gym as I had developed a skin condition myself, attributed to stress by my GP...due to this whole situation. Thing is YSD lives in another town 20 minute drive away. She can’t drive, doesn’t work (has college 2/3 times a week) & has an ‘aversion’ to public transport, so she won’t actually use the gym unless daddy picks her up & takes her there & then takes her back….PATHETIC ….LMFAO. But that’s OK bc States75 is being punished. I have several more examples of this but you get the picture.

4. He created this situation all on his own. But literally my whole life is taken over by this situation. Every conversation somehow turns to ‘the girls’ & the situation with OSD. Every vacation, dinner, even when we are in bed OSD calls/texts for no actual reason (at all times of the day & night), he says nothing, takes the call, replies…etc. etc. Every conversation, shopping trip, weekend plans….OSD, OSD, OSD. But I am not ‘allowed’ to ‘bad mouth’ her!!! This from a man who once told me to stop keep talking about my mum who has serious physical & mental health issues bc it was boring.

So I understand the need for your partner not to be angry, but he is angry towards me even though I have done everything possible to become part of HIS family & have to deal with the continuing, boring saga day in day out. I now try my hardest to change the conversation, walk away do something else etc. etc. & keeping my cool about things, but at the moment he is getting mad at me for doing that…I believe he needs anger management classes together with a very good counsellor….LOL.

As dtzyblnd said “This whole 'support me, don't have your own feelings' thing smacks of lashing out at us because they don't dare to express their feelings TO the people that cause them, for whatever reason. UGH.” So yes, I am angry at him for misdirecting his anger.

He is scared of being angry with & disciplining his ‘little girls’ oh sorry…young women…in case he ‘loses’ them….pleeeaaasssseeee…you are their ATM…you won’t be losing them any time soon….LOL!!!!

I wish you luck with your situation, everyone’s is different & of course it is very different being in it than being an onlooker/outsider.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Sat, 06/22/2013 - 3:56am

Too funny. They defend their daughters to the hilt, no matter how badly we are treated by their daughters, no matter how hard these women try to rip apart our marriages, daddy defends and supports them. He's daddy first, and just some guy who shacks up with us second, cause he sure as hell is never a husband. Marriages are made of a husband and a wife who support each other. Not a wife supporting some man who sees himself as nothing but a daddy, usually to a grown woman or women. What a joke. They never give us an ounce of support, but the sure as hell are quick to try and make us feel guilty by writing emails like that. See, he still thinks you are at fault here, hence the email. They NEVER change. I'd support him alright, nail him to a stake in the yard that'd support him.