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Holy Sh&T- FDH Just Sent an Email to BM Outlining the New Boundaries

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:01pm

I guess he realized I was dead serious.He just sent her an email and BCC'd me.

The email basically said:
- i told the kids this morning that from now on, I will not be coming in your house. I will drop off/pick up kids from the driveway.
- Going forward, barring a medical emergency, I will not enter your house.
- I expect you to make sure they are packed and ready when I arrive to pick them up.
- I will communicate directly with the kids what days they will be with me and when I will arrive
- I realize that not having this boundary has been unfair and often enabling to our kids. They are old enough to get themselves ready.
- If YSd refuses to come out of the house, I will not go in and get her (She does this). I will leave without her. I refuse to let her hold us all hostage anymore. You can feel free to drive her to my house later if this happens
- Not having this bounadry has also been unfair to Anne. We are divorced people and involved with other people.
- I clearly realize now that you and I should not be spending time together in your home. that is your private world and I should not be there.
- We are business partners whose business and only common interest now is raising our kids in a respectful cooperative way. Our communication should only be about the kids.
- As I've said before, unless there is an emergency, we can contact one another 8-8 M-F and 12-8 Sat-Sun.

I am blown away. He DID IT!!

Man is she gonna give him an earful. I hope he's braced himself.

Comments

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:07pm

I can't wait to hear the updates on this one .. good for him for finally standing his ground!!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:08pm

Yeah, I am emailing him back thanking him for doing this. I am telling him to prepare for the backlash. It will be bad. But that he needs to keep in mind that he's improving everyone's lives (me, him, kids) by doing this.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:16pm

They know what days we have them unless there is a schedule change. He will alert/coordinate with BM if there is a change in schedule needed. What he's trying to say is that he will do things like text them (they are aged ST12-19) that he's on his way, what his ETA is etc... His pick up times sometimes vary due to work. That's all. Not as bad as it sounds.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:16pm

OMG SO happy for you! I do hope he's ready for the BM backlash cuz it's a brewin...

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:39pm

LOL. I can envision her face reading that email. Smoke and flames coming out of her eyes, ears and nostrils.

In my email back to him I said "The backlash will come—brace yourself , stick to your guns and ignore the hurtful thing she will say and avoid the inevitable attempts at manipulation. Just keep in mind that you will be improving the quality of life for you, me and the kids because of this. And you’ve just shown me that you love and respect me in a very meaningful way. And the amount of respect I have for you just multiplied a million times."

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:18pm

This happened to us. BM's lost her freaking mind and amped up the crazy 1000% but SO remained strong. It took about 6 months for her to get the picture.

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:28pm

Thats great! It shows that your DH really does care about you and doesn't want to lose you!

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:33pm

Good for your DH making the right choice. I had to spell it out this clear for my DH too. Want to be friends with BM - then kiss me good bye.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:43pm

Sometimes the simplest terms are the easiest to understand. I tried every other way first and it did nothing.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:34pm

Oh please,please,please copy her reply to us!!! She is going to flip.

And not to be a Debbie downer...but lets hop this is real and not just something that he told BM he was going to do, just to get you off his case.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:41pm

I have no doubt that it's real. He knows damn well that I will find out immediately if he breaks these boundaries. I have a sixth sense. I also know exactly how long it takes for him to drive from one house to the other.

And I will definitely be posting about her replies and crazy town that's coming. This will be the fun part.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:41pm

He's been advised that he will be receiving some extra special attention this weekend!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:45pm

Ok, so who wants to place bets on BM's upcoming craziness. What will she do next? What shiould I expect beyond a very nasty email reply? Fake emergencies? Blowing up his phone with texts at 6 AM or 10 PM? What else?

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:48pm

All of the above and then some! Just think of how a crazy ex girlfriend acts when her boyfriend starts seeing a new girl...and multiply it by a thousand.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:51pm

I bet the next move will be to ensure the kids are not packed and ready when he goes to pick them up tonight.

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:19pm

Yep she will make sure they aren't ready then have them go tell him she "needs" to talk to him in the house.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:32pm

I bet she will "need" him to come in and handle some diabetes related issue with SD. Seriously, this medical exception is going to be her way to get at him and manipulate him.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:27pm

I'd be surprised if she did that. She values her kid-free time too much. But you never know.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:47pm

Let's just hope that BM self explodes and does herself further damage over this.

Sometimes by being so horrible they actually help our cause

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:50pm

That's a very good point. Maybe he'll see her for who she really is when she starts acting like a jealous lunatic.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:53pm

Just like any other bad behavior that you are trying to extinguish, she is going to get VERY much worse to begin with because she will be testing exactly how serious he is going to be with this.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 3:59pm

I agree completely. I will tell him to remember what happened when enforced boundaries with SD11. She fought hard at first, got worse, and tried to stop coming over. He stuck to his guns and now she's 1000% better.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:19pm

Did he come up with this on the fly by himself? Wow, it looks like he really took what the therapist said to heart! Good on him for taking action!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 4:29pm

I told him last night that he still hadn't answered the question that was posed "Her or me?" He said he'd make it obvious.

Almost everything he said were words out of my mouth like "business relationship".

Last night when he went to pick the kids up the youngest wasn't ready and was causing issues. So I told him that next time he should just leave her for her mom to deal with. So he got that idea from me. He said he'd email her mom and tell her that. I had no idea this email with all of this was coming.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 5:12pm

I just asked him how the kids reacted when he told them. He said Sd17 was confused and asked why and said "this is your kids' house". He briefly explained that it is their house but not his.

He said BM hasn't responded. I said "Whatever you do, don't let her con you into coming ino her house tonight to discuss this. You won't go in there and this isn't a negotiation". I totally realized this is exactly her next move if she's going to do something tonight. And there is a monsoon here so she can't talk to him outside. Can't wait to hear how this goes.

In other news, I am going to a party at a friend's house and will be home tomorrow!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 6:19pm

LOL. He is probably pulling in her driveway right about now. I bet he will be floored she does exactly as I predicted and tries to get him to come inside to discuss this.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 6:16pm

Right? I keep checking out the window for a mushroom cloud. Lol. But seriously, yeah, he needed to grow a pair of balls other than the ones in BM's purse.

snowdrop's picture

Submitted by snowdrop on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 10:28pm

I can't wait to hear how this unfolds!

she's going to try other tactics. and he's going to slip up, at least a little. it takes time to create new habits. but this is an excellent first step.

after how everything went with therapy, I'm so glad that he did something positive.

hope you're enjoying your night with your hubby!

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 1:10pm

I have no idea what you're talking about. This is a good thing and you're being nasty. That's neither nice nor neccessary.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 2:08pm

I agree with Hypovic.

I don't understand why the email was necessary. It just shows that once again he is looking out for BM's feelings. Instead of just doing what he needs to do, he warned her about what was ahead. That way she won't be hurt when he suddenly changes his ways.

He continues to go out if his way to protect his exwife. Nothing he wrote or plans to do changes what is in his heart.He still loves that women.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Sat, 05/04/2013 - 4:59pm

I'm so happy for you. Once these boundaries were in play with my relationship - things were SO much better. First, I knew he respected me. And 2. It was proof that he was willing to completely cut ties (minus their parenting discussion) to move forward into a future with me.

BM did go crazy. 70 text messages in 9 minutes crazy. But he stuck to his guns. And continues to and she is slowly, painfully realizing that she has to leg to stand on any more. It's been fabulous for me because I was able to let go of a lot of resentment.

I'm dying to know what happened!