How Does Your DH/SO Handle CS Payments?
As if it isn't bad enough...
My DH deposits it right into her account. Every first of the month. When I asked him about this, he said it is because he just couldn't handle physically writing out the check and handing it over to her every month.
I suppose it makes sense, in a way, but it just bugs me that there is this little bit of "familiarity", kwim? I don't want him doing her any favors! Ugh, he probably has a stack of deposit slips with her account number on them. Gross.
DH and I keep separate and joint accounts, so it's not like I am frequently exposed to this or any of the other spending he does on behalf of skids. Sometimes I will see the deposit receipts in his car or something, and it just bugs the shit out of me. Of course, I will make some comment like Oh, doing BM's banking again, hmmm? I know, childish.
That's all, Vent over.
Thanks!
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Comments
My DH does it via internet
My DH does it via internet banking - he has a standing order regarding the CS, as far as I know, so he doesn't do deposit slips.
I don't really see that your DH is doing the BM a favour, by doing this, it's not "her banking" its a transaction from him to her. It is just a fact of life.
I don't think you're childish, but why, specifically does it bug you so much?
My exH does an online
My exH does an online transfer into my account every Friday. Sometimes he'll forget and when I realize, i'll just send him a quick text and he'll fire it off from his phone.
We get along very well. Did our own divorce papers together, agreed on everything and filed them on our own. When we wanted to change what we originally agreed to, we just talked it out and adjusted accordingly.
Is he remarried?
Is he remarried?
DH used to send her a check
DH used to send her a check until she complained about getting it 12 milliseconds after she thought she should. He then had his Payroll department handle it. Hoo boy was she mad, because they wouldn't put up with her crap, either!
DH sends BM a check even
DH sends BM a check even though we only live 5 miles away from her. He used to drop it off to her on his way home from work (since he passes by her home) but I told him it's well worth the cost of an envelope and stamp to have NOTHING to do with her.
if he is doing it and you
if he is doing it and you dont have to deal with it just ignore it and let it go. I dont blame him for not wanting the responsibility of writing the check, probably makes him want spit nails
My DH used to use bill pay
My DH used to use bill pay thru our bank. When he was writing a traditional check his ex would take FOREVER to cash it and I told him I really don't need to know how little she obviously needs your money so just use bill pay because that deducts the amount from our account right away, regardless of how long she holds on to the check. Made it much easier.
CS is deducted from my DH's
CS is deducted from my DH's paycheck. So easy! But she still complains when she thinks its late.
Had DH put "child support" in
Had DH put "child support" in the memo line of each check, it would've been allocated as child support and not deemed a "gift". Sorry that happened! I make sure DH fills in this memo line before I mail her checks out and if he misses it *I* fill it in to be sure.
me?
me?
yeah, ALWAYS document as
yeah, ALWAYS document as child support-so many people get riffed doing it any other way. even if it's documented as 'child support' the COURT can still deem it a gift. thus DON'T PAY SUPPORT UNTIL ORDERED! that may put a person behind with interest. just put what you would pay in savings so when it IS ordered, you can take it right out of savings and pay the lump sum
SO has it come right out of
SO has it come right out of his check. BM sent the company we work for a wage assignment that shows her as the payee. So it is a private agreement with a wage assignment. The payroll dept has 10 working days from the pay date to pay her. She calls the day after payroll wanting her money almost every pay period. Now she is going to wait 10 working days before the check gets mailed out because the office manager got tired of dealing with her.
my x is required (by me) to
my x is required (by me) to go through child support enforcement. his checks are garnished. bm1 used to give cash and it was a mutual "you're paid up" between them until she lost all rights to all her kids. Now she HAS to pay through child support enforcement-per state. Same with dh to ss (until that is resolved).
personally, i perfer this method. that way there is a neutral party verifying amounts are correct. the receiver can still have the funds direct deposited into their checking account or get the state card.
In our state, paychecks are
In our state, paychecks are automatically garnished by CSE and they deal with payments etc.
I am kind of glad because there was no chance of BM getting cash and claiming she never got paid. And she WOULD.
My DH gets it taken out of
My DH gets it taken out of his paycheck and his job sends the check to Albany, who then deposits the money into some Eppi Card crap the state has for CS payments.
Whenever she calls bitching that she hasn't gotten the CS he tells her "Don't call me, call Albany, you're the one that wants THEM to send you the money so take it up with them."
One time, for some reason they hadn't sent her the CS for like 4 weeks. No idea what that was all about because the company had mailed it. We don't care.
Same here. In Canada we have
Same here. In Canada we have FRO (Family Responsibility Office/Organization) deal with the CS cheques. DH has a family business, so his mother used to write out the CS cheques for him (taken out of his wages) to hand deliver to BM. But BM started wanting her cheques early (which she would spend in that one wkend, then bitch that she had no money by the end of the month, so she would ask for the next month's cheque early, etc etc), and one time even demanded that he call up his mother to write her next month's cheque! I told him not to bother his mother with this. BM got her month's cheque and if she ran out before the end of the month, tough. It was up to her to manage her money. So then, BM got FRO to order DH to distribute next month's cheque (which fell only a few days after she received the previous cheque) :S You can bet she was laughing all the way to the bank!
After a few months using FRO, she didn't like that she couldn't get her cheques whenever she wanted (she only got them on the 10th of every month, no sooner), so she stopped using them. Then, we had the same problems again with the hand-delivered cheques, so she put FRO BACK on DH! :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
So far, DH has stayed with FRO. BM still complains when she doesn't get her cheque on time - like when there's a postal strike or statutory holiday...like HELLO?! - but DH just tells her to call FRO and deal with them. It's much better that he doesn't have to deal with her on that matter!
DH used to deposit it
DH used to deposit it directly into Uberskanks' account on the first day of every month.
Then she went after CS because youngest dad was not working and not paying CS.
For some reason this triggered the state to go after all three dads, even though DH and middle dad were paying on time and had no arrears.
So, with the exception of the time DH was NCP, he's been paying CS through the state.
His kid turns 18 in September, at the beginning of her senior year. She and Uberskank are butting heads in a big way right now. She's even been making rude comments about Uberskank not working, which is highly unusual for her to bad-mouth her mother.
I'll be grabbing my popcorn sometime around the end of October.
Thanks everyone. It boils
Thanks everyone.
It boils down to bugging me because she is very unreasonable and quite frankly a bitch and would no sooner do DH a solid than rot, so I have to wonder why he does it the way he does. (DH is a very super nice guy, btw).
Looking at it from his perspective, I can see where he would not want to have to hand it directly over to her, but I think I am going to see about getting the online bill pay thing done. I just hate thinking about him going out of his way to hit her bank's drive-thru (or whatever) on his time to make the deposit.
4 and 6 more years, 4 and 6 more years, 4 and 6 more years...
DH's ex has pulled the "You
DH's ex has pulled the "You never sent the check/I didn't receive it" BS a few times over the years, and EVERY TIME, I called the bank and sure enough, she had cashed the check! One time she called our house (which she was forbidden to do because she harassed us so DH told her she could call his cell only) and told me she needed him to bring his checkbook when he brought the kids back to her because she never got the check. I told her sorry, he's already on his way to your house and I KNEW we had sent the check. I called the bank, got the date she cashed it and called DH before he got there to tell him. He ripped her a new one for calling and said he'd never be dumb enough to just hand over another check without seeing what happened first. Another time she swore she didn't get it and I again confirmed the date of deposit into her account. Turns out her hubby had taken cash out of the deposit so instead of the exact amount of the CS it was $20 or whatever less and she just assumed she didn't get it from my DH. Ugh dumb bitch, so glad we are done with the CS crap!!!
DH transfers money to BM's
DH transfers money to BM's mom. BM probably doesn't even have a bank account, she was always overdrawn. He used to have it garnished from his paycheck but he changed jobs and the company he works for is out of state. He pays it on paydays, when she gets it, I don't know. She has sent texts looking for it earlier but he isn't playing her games, he pays it on paydays only.
On his transfer he always designates it Child Support for Skids names and dates. He isn't going to get caught up in the "gift" crap. She has tried it before.
DH does send a copy of the transfers to the state every 6 months, so they have record of it.