I'm sorry you're feeling that way and I'm with you. BM just took DH to court for 100% parenting time and full CS. They have been in negotiations over the past week and her attorney is saying now today that she won't settle for $535 (she used to get $250 per month in CS when they shared 50/50) and wants the full amount of $576, PLUS DH to pay all of SD14's medical insurance ($250 per month) AND to claim her on her taxes every year.

She'll be living high on the hog (because she has her live in brother and boyfriend paying for everything anyway) and we're going to be HURTING massively now. I feel like crying today too.

I'm sorry honey. I wish I could ease your sadness and pain, but at least I can say I know how you feel.

The 2nd (etc) family has to suffer and scrape by while the 1st family (bm & skids) get to live high off the hog on OUR MAN'S money & guilt...in alot of cases, as I have read about on ST, BM lives off of CS or the Govt or both and doesn't have to work or CHOOSES not to work BUT in OUR case since we get "sloppy 2nds" if we want to stay with the man we love we have to 1) Suck it up and scrape by or 2) Work our tails off so OUR family can have a decent life while he still supports his past fuck up!...either way being with a man with kids & and ex(s) in the picture IS THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read my recent blog. It's basically about that very issue. It's so frustrating. What's mine is theirs and what's theirs is theirs. Not fair at all.

I think 3 skids is a lot.

I read your bio. Fiance is a family law attorney? Have you thought about how things might be down the road if things don't work out? Your fiancé has an advantage of professional experience with divorce. And I think family law is one of the most stressful areas in which to practice. So your fiancé has a potentially high stress demanding job and he also has to take care of at least 2 kids who don't pick up
After themselves. He may be feeling the financial strain of alimony and child support for 3 kids.

Three kids are expensive. My ex- bf had three kids and he flat out told me he wanted to have the benefit of a second income to take away some of the financial pressure on him. He also said he really needed some help
Around the house. At least he was honest. His kids could be overwhelming and would trash the place and treat him like a man servant. He was overly permissive with his kids.

ended things with him and now am with current SO who no longer pays alimony or child support, and has 1 16 yo son living with us. Current SO cooks and cleans, does not need extra money, although he does like sharing expenses. SO likes having adult companionship. Of course we have problems but I'm much better off than I was with ex-bf.

I think youve made some really good points, and if you're simply looking for some validation, you got it. Your concerns are valid. What does your fiancé get out of the deal vs. how much do you benefit from getting married?

Well let me add to the rant: I want a divorce. There I said it. I do. I'm miserable and life is too short. I cannot give Any more. I get nothing back and dh is too much of an emotional fuckwit to wake up and do anything about it.

I don't blame you. I try to remind my SO that sometimes love just isn't enough. Sorry, I know this is tough for you.

OP, with all the sexual stuff between him and his daughter, how can you stand to have him around your daughter?

If ur not married yet n u already feel this way u def. Need out of the relationship if u think things will change or the way u feel about the situation once married ur wrong, so save ur self from the drama! I love my husband but for the 10 yrs I've been with him I've always thought what if i would of married a guy with no kids? I wouldn't have to deal with the money situation, him giving her(sd13) special treatment and his fam. Butting in its as though everyone is his wife exept you.. i want out sooo bad but its not as easy when u have kids i dont know what to do to make the situation better at times i feel as though i have to compete with his daughter n that is something that drives me crazy!! I want n need to b his priority with us being good as a marriage then our kids n sd will also b good but sadly for us we fell in love with the wrong person (if u wanna c it that way) good luck n keep us posted

im sending hugs to all of you.....

Jeesh. Sorry I started a trend. Didn't mean to hijack the blog.

First, I'd split finances. When my DH and I did that it alleviated a lot of the tension in our household.

Sometimes I think I'm just crazy. Why do I stay? My ex-bf had to tell me he didn't want me living in his garbage filled house anymore and still it took me two weeks after that to finally break up with him. I'm so grateful he kicked me out. I was really coming down hard on his 3 trash monsters and said I was tired of them not doing chores and treating me like the maid. Oops. My bad. Ex-bf didn't like me saying that.

Anyway I totally relate to the difficulty of leaving, even if you are miserable. I need help!

As far as you being shallow, I don't think any of us are so shallow that it is just about the money.

The money is just the symbol.

So much of our energy, thoughts, time, blood, sweat, and tears goes into these relationships. It's hard not to be resentful of it all.

I have felt similiar to most of yall for about the last year. My dh has 3 kids and a crazy exwife. I have my kid to toss into the mix too. Its put alot of stress on us to be going through some legal matters. Sometimes I feel like it will never end and I wonder how long I can get by feeling this miserable most of the time. I want to be happy and I can remember a time I used to be happy. I was with Dh but it was before the pas, before the case, before all the bullshit. Sometimes I dont think I can make it another day like this but then I try to pick a date and say that I can make it that much longer. For now I am holding on till the end of the summer. I just dont know anymore. We seperated finances and I disenagaged a while ago. Dh is contantly trying to pull me in and then gets mad when I wont take care of his kids or put my life on hold because of them. I still over contribute sometimes but now he makes an effort to try and keep things equal and help me out. I try to tell myself when the case is over things will get better, but I have my doubts. There has been so many harsh words and ugliness in the last year that I am not sure our little blended mess of a family can make it. End of the summer. If something hasnt improved by then, then I am renting my own house with my son. We can go back to dating.

Our household: two adults that work FT, one minor who works PT and goes to school FT
BM's household: one adult and two minors, minors are in school, nobody works

Our household: live in 3 bdrm/2 bath fixer upper (heavy on the fixer part!), three cars all over 20 years old
BM's household: live in 5 bedroom/2.5 bath NEW house, 1 NEW car, 1 older van, 1 older car

Now how in the HELL can that be fair?? All CS should be based on the assumption that both parents can work FT (unless one is on disability) and NOT penalize the working parent if the other parent CHOOSES to not work!