What Does BM Mean: "I'll file a motion"
DH has a restraining order against BM. It allows her to call him on Mon and Wed night at 7 pm to speak with SS. All custody was finalized about 3 weeks ago in court.
Anyway, last night at about 7:30 DH came in from working in the yard as we just did the time change so he was taking advantage of the daylight. He went to where his cel phone was plugged in after a long stream of texts from BM asking where SS13 was, her final text read, "you keep breaking your order. I'll add it to my file. Do it three times and I'll file a motion."
Anyway, we called SS13 and told him it was time for him to call his mom. He usually just calls his mom directly from the house phone at 7 on those nights anyway. He USUALLY asks way ahead of time, but because of the time change, he hadn't thought of it either.
So SS13 calls BM and they have their usual 4 minute conversation but he starts off with apologizing for not calling on time.
My question: what is she talking about? Also, since the norm is for SS to call her, is it really DH breaking any order?
She's gone to the police may times before and filed incident reports when DH ended their call early. She states that their call is for one hour, but the order just says she can call DH at the designated time. The first time she did it, the officer called DH and DH called him right back. The officer told him he hadn't done anything wrong (but that never stops her from filing those reports).
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Comments
She's really a nut case isn't
She's really a nut case isn't she? I'd be willing to be that most of the population has made a mistake on a Sunday when the time changes. Even though that wasn't your reason it would be perfectly understandable.
Um yes. The really crazy
Um yes. The really crazy thing is that she doesn't even want custody of the child, or more time or anything else. She just likes to fight with DH.
Did I mention that she was
Did I mention that she was also recording the phone calls between her and SS13 to prove... who knows! She's nuts and paranoid.
Again, she doesn't even want additional visitation with her son.
Depending on your state, that
Depending on your state, that may be illegal.
I highly doubt she can do
I highly doubt she can do anything if the order states SHE is to call. If all she did was send texts and not call herself? I don't think she has a tree to piss up.
THere may have been a missed
THere may have been a missed call from her on his cell also, but I'm not 100% sure. What's been happening lately is that SS will just call her at the designated time or a bit earlier. At 7:01, she will text and say, "Hey, it's 7 where's SS".
If there was a missed call, do you think that changes things?
It always depends on the
It always depends on the state you are in and the judge you get.
In our state, we brought a Contempt motion against BM. We had two PAGES of missed visitations - one instance per line. All they did was fined BM $500 For Contempt of Court (Willful Interference with Visitation) and told her not to do it again.
She wasn't even required to pay our attorney's fees and she never had to make up the visits my DH missed.
Unless your DH makes it a habit of breaking the CO left and right, I doubt they'd do more than just tell him "naughty, naughty. Don't do it again"
I think if it's one instance,
I think if it's one instance, it's not a big deal. No judge is going to reprimand DH for missing a phone call, especially when it occurs on daylight savings and it's clearly just an oversight. SS was still able to talk to BM.
Usually, the kid just has to be made available for the call. It doesn't mean SS has to call her. It means he has to be available to talk to her .. the responsibility for maintaining communication between a child and his parent does not rest with the child.
By filing a motion, she probably means she will file a Motion to Show Cause for the violation of the agreement. If she has documented proof DH has violated the agreement, she can file this motion and a judge will review the case to determine if there is in fact a violation. If there is, he will be held in contempt. This alone will not change the custody situation, but helps build grounds for a custody modification. It sounds like most of her "proof" is fabricated out of her own compulsive and harassing behavior though .. so I think you and DH are probably just fine
wtf, crazy knows no
wtf, crazy knows no bounds!
He needs to save those texts because she's using it as an excuse to break that RO and contact him to harrass him. HE is the one who can file a motion to send her ass to jail for breaking a no contact order!
If SHE doesn't exercise her right to call SS at 7pm on those nights, oh well.
The Restraining Order allows
The Restraining Order allows for peaceful contact in regards to SS. She uses that ALL the time as her "out". We save all texts and have called the police to discuss, but they said there is a fine line since the "peaceful contact" is in there.
So, is that what we need to do - file an order to show cause? to get her to actually leave us alone?
BM has even filed streams of texts during the custody case (both hers and his/mine) stating "I just want to be left alone". THis was while the order was in place. Again, she doesn't want custody, she just likes to argue with DH.
If she doesn't want custody
If she doesn't want custody what can she sue for? This is not a civil matter where there are fines to be assessed.
EXACTLY! She does NOT want
EXACTLY! She does NOT want custody! She barely wants the responsibility she has now on EOWE. She only asked for Sat-Sun but DH wanted her to have more time since SS wanted to spend time with her.
Again, she JUST likes fighting with DH. She sits at home and smokes pot all day, and thinks about ways to mess with him.
She is ALWAYS saying that the
She is ALWAYS saying that the restraining order "goes both ways" and that he is breaking it. So maybe it has something to do with her thinking that.
But it is clearly an order that is AGAINST her. She tried to ask for one against DH (for no reason) but they wouldn't even grant her a hearing.
But again, she is nuts, so who knows. All through the custody "case" she filed the dumbest stuff that she thought supported her, but it usually just made her look dumber and incompetent. Again, she does not want custody, so who knows.
If she's calling or texting
If she's calling or texting any time other than 7pm or for any reason other than to talk to the skid, DH needs to call the police and press charges for her violation. As long as he permits these little violations, she will continue to harass him and take every bit of leverage she can.
WE tried that once during one
WE tried that once during one of her days she wouldn't leave him alone. The police officer told us to ignore her and that since "peaceful contact regarding the child" was written in the order, it is a grey area and they did nothing.
Is there anything else that we can do?
DH hates even dealing with her. He just ignores her for the most part, but then she will text him 8 more times in 4 minutes. He'll even tell her, "I'm at work, I'll text you after 6" and she'll start back, "I don't know why you don't just talk now"
Again, DH thinks it will go away if he ignores her and it will work for a while, but then she gets bored and starts bugging us again.
Continue to document and call
Continue to document and call the police if it's clearly outside the terms of the order. Take her back to court if you have to. Be sure to have phone records in hand. Do you have an attorney? If not, I would at least consult with one.
And DH should not be replying to her if she's outside of her alloted time frame. Even if he's just responding to her, it should stop. He should compile his responses and send them at 7pm. Only legitimate emergencies require immediate responses.
yes, apparently she is going
yes, apparently she is going to take it very literally is right. We meet at a half way point for exchanges sometimes and last friday at 6:01 when we were pulling into the parking lot, DH gets a text, "It's 6. where are you?"
I thinks "allows" is the key
I thinks "allows" is the key word. She's allowed to call despite the restraining order your DH has against HER. All that really means, is that he cannot press charges against her for calling at the allowed times.
So, the restraining order says she's allowed to call, what exactly does the custody order state about phone contact with SS? Her call going unanswered is not necessarily in contempt of the CO. Your DH was not purposely keeping SS from her.
I thinks she's talking out of her ass, like a lot of people do when they don't really understand things or want to be difficult.
The original RO stated that
The original RO stated that she may call DH on Monday nights at 7 to discuss matters pertaining to SS and that she may speak to SS during that call. During one of her mommy moments in court, she asked for an extra phone call to SS so they granted her an additional call on Wednesdays.
I think the way it is written that there is a lot of room for interpretation. I don't think she should be contacting DH any time other than mon and wed at that time for anything at all. But because of the peaceful contact in regards to SS clause, there is also additional room for interpretation.
For example, maybe she thinks when she states, "thought that you'd try putting your son first for once" in a text message, that she is being peaceful.
The kid is 13. I would buy
The kid is 13. I would buy him a cell phone and block BM from your phones. She can call him directly (or remind him to call her!!) and quit harassing you guys with stupid nonsense.
SS had a cell phone but then
SS had a cell phone but then BM called him constantly and at all hours and usually the conversations were about me and DH - oh and how much she loved him and how much she wants to be with him.
Around the time we got the restraining order on her after she popped DH's tires several times and put sugar in his gas tank several times, we pulled the phone because it was her way of tracking us.
I truly feel that the less access that SS has to this woman the better. But I also think that the less access she has to us, the better.
I'm really torn on this one and perhaps it is a topic for an entirely seperate blog post. His birthday is coming up and this is one of the items I'm considering for him. I just don't want HER to be the one benefiting from it with all of her cookoo paranoid spy antics.
I agree with you about the
I agree with you about the cell phone.
My husband's ex had one way to call us (or SD when she was with us), and that was to call our house. We gave her no cell# and no e-mail address. SD did not have a cell phone back then and we only had her EOWE, anyway. By the time SD was 13, my husband rarely even talked to BM, he just talked to SD directly.
And why didn't she just call
And why didn't she just call the house phone anyway? The kid is 13, there is no reason to call DH's cell phone just to talk to SS. If she was not calling to "discuss matters", she could have just called SS directly, if she wanted to speak to him so badly.
We haven't provided her with
We haven't provided her with the number. There is a LOT of history with her calling, so we did not want to provide her with any new contact numbers. (She would call MIL, FIL, SIL - whoever she could to try and track down her son, cuss them out and then hang up on them).
Problem is that she wants to control the situation, but she can't and it kills her. She doesn't want to spend time with her son, she just wants to know what's going on when she gets a wild hair up her butt and then she goes crack-head crazy till she gets what she's looking for. She has no control over DH and a very minimal amount over SS - though she can still make him cry and get him to tell her how much he loves her when she needs a pick me up.
Oh, I see. That makes sense,
Oh, I see. That makes sense, now.
Finally got a temporary his &
Finally got a temporary his & hers restraining order against DH's ex, the BM. She does not want this to end. Before, we gave her permission to see her kid but she made up excuses to NOT see him but at 11PM or midnight she'd come banging on our door & calling cops that we have forbidden the kid to see her. She has lost all control & is desperate to make contact---no matter how stupid she looks. So now that she can't contact us, she has used her eldest son--legal age, to call on her behalf. That puts another kid in the middle of things. I have hired yet another lawyer to make sure this restraining order sticks without any glitches & he's putting in tons of restrictions so at least the judge can agree to some if not all & some very graphic video surveillance. But to top it off, the SS16 we have now is acting out so badly, I wish I just left them all alone to drown in their own mess. Be careful what you ask for
I just reread the restraining
I just reread the restraining order and it says:
Both parents shall have a scheduled telephone conversation with the child Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-8 pm when the child is not in their custody. Calls to last as long as child wishes. Neither parent is to interfere with scheduled conversations"
This Permanent RO was granted during the summer prior to a two week visit she was scheduled to have.
I am mixing up this permanent order with the temporary order where it stated that she could call DH during a specified time frame to speak with DH for 5 min and then with SS.
The RO also states that there is an exception for "peaceful contact regarding the child's visitation".
So I would assume that:
... her texts are breaking the order: parenting advice, "concerns", "accidental" texts she meant to send to her bf, etc
and that since it does not specifically state that she is to call at a specific time, but rather between a certain time, then DH is doing nothing wrong.
I'll admit that we have asked him to make it quick when he has tons of homework that he still needs to finish before he calls her so that looks like it could be breaking the order. But we also talk to him about choices and that when he chooses to goof around and play after school, knowing he has hw then it is his choice to cut the phone time down with his mom. (Homework, responsibilities and choices are constant topics in our home).
Again, I just want to follow the orders, call her on it when she breaks the RO so that she stops bugging us all the time, and live as peacefully as possible knowing that we have a crazy nut we are contending with.
To clarify on homework, he
To clarify on homework, he actually stays at school for the after school program while we work. He SHOULD be doing his homework, but elects to play around instead. We pick him up around 5.
Yes, she is breaking the
Yes, she is breaking the order of protection. BM did that & we got her arrested. There is justice after all.