Starting to suspect that my skids cant be taught...nor can dh
Since the last blow up over showering dh has been relatively on the ball. He has been making sure they shower at least twice a week. Not what I call enough, but not too bad.
But he's apparently gotten comfortable again because he stopped being on them. They haven't bathed in 10 days and they stink. They see me getting in and out of the shower everyday and they see my bathing bs3 and the baby every other day.... Yet that doesn't spark a reminder for them to shower apparently. And, quite frankly, the only reason they even bathed the last time was because they were in trouble sitting on their beds. So they took their showers rather than sit and think about their behavior. Curious to see how far it goes this time before dh says something to them or they remember....
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Does you husband have poor
Does you husband have poor hygiene also? How can he stand them?
I had to just simply teach
I had to just simply teach ss10 ( 6 at the time) that every morning regardless of which home he is in he has to take a shower. I was sick of getting him back dirty. DH was just a BF at the time but, he was of no help. It just became my rule or no fun stuff and I am the fun one out of DH and BM. Best of luck
You hit the nail on the
You hit the nail on the head...he doesn't think like a parent. Its not that he doesn't care....it just doesn't occur to him to check. When he remember and finds out that they haven't done xxx task in xxx days he's furious and gets on them hardcore.....but after a few days of compliance he just forgets about it.
And honestly....the thought of my boys being in his care without me for a weekend visitation scares the crap out of me. One of the main reasons I haven't made many waves or steps to leave. Not only the lack of attention to details from dh(cause honestly a weekend of not bathing or brushing teeth won't kill them) but being around SS and SD without me there as a buffer is terrifying to me.
My SD, when she was in 7th
My SD, when she was in 7th grade, had BOTH her parents called because kids in her classes were complaining about her stinking. She lived with BM then, and it was the first indication of how dysfunctional the situation was there. There was not much we could do at the time, with only EOWE. For the two years she lived with us after that, DH made sure she bathed and used deodorant. We don't know what the situation is now, since we haven't seen her face to face since August.
Absolutely disgusting. And
Absolutely disgusting. And here I was all grossed out that fat-ass SS16 would only shower every 4 days and you could smell his hair from 6 feet away. Ewww eewww eewwwww! I said how disgusting it was about a year ago and he has been showering every day since.
SICK!
BUT My DH has never once in almost 10 years gotten on his boys to brush their teeth .... and they don't. They also both had braces. My DH will even go days without brushing his teeth and I gag.
I shower every day and brush my teeth 2 times a day. I think poor hygiene is disgusting.
YOUR POOR THING!
EEEWWW. That is borderline
EEEWWW. That is borderline abuse as far as I am concerned. I am surprised that they are not sick all the time just from being so unsanitary.
How old are they? Actually it does not matter …someone needs to have those kids bath on a regular basis. Perhaps DH should give up custody since he really does not want to parent at all.
And no…the skids cannot be taught because no one will teach them.
I was teaching them for
I was teaching them for years. I only disengaged on their hygiene issues about 2.5 months ago. They are 10 and 11 and I had them bathing every other day, clipping their nails, putting on lotion, cleaning their ears etc. But the instant that they aren't being led step by step every time its like they have no concept of what's expected.
I disenged from the constant battle after I was yelled at for them not bathing or changing their underwear while I was away for a week hurrying my grandmother. Dh needs to step up and handle it..... But he's very inconsistent.
dh got on you for what they
dh got on you for what they didn't do when you weren't home? oh hell no. he would have been punched. he doesn't even care enough to notice the shit on his own, but when you aren't there, it's suddenly your fault that things aren't getting done? please tell me you handed him his ass.
even as a child, i was
even as a child, i was insistent on being clean. i would not leave the house if i did not have a bath first. bd18 was nothing like me when she was younger. she was gross. she smelled horrible. i tried talking to her senstively about taking care of herself and it didn't work. so i quit worrying about her feelings and told her straight up that she stinks. i didn't care if other people were around. when she smelled, i bitched at her for it. i forced her into the shower immediately. when she came out smelling as bad as when she went in, i made her bathe in front of me so i could see what the hell she was not doing. i even did everything for her that she wasn't doing as a means to humiliate her into doing it. (except her private parts, i made her do that, but to my standards). yeah, i was a bitch about it and i am unapologetic about it. i don't give a shit. as long as she was under my care, she was going to do what needed to be done.
we were at my friends house on getting ready for the beach and i could smell her disgusting pits a mile away. i marched her dirty ass into the bathroom and scrubbed the shit out of them at the sink. she wanted to whine that she was just getting into the water anyway, so what did it matter. all that did was make me come unglued on her. when i teach her what she needs to do and do it sensitively and that doesn't work, i will become mean about it. whatever it takes to get it done.
she doesn't have a hygiene issue anymore. she takes very good care of herself, and at 18, she damn well should! but it was an irritating, infuriating road to get to this point. i just don't understand why she or any other kids are like that. especially when they aren't raised to be nasty (mine sure wasn't) and i was almost OCD about hygiene when i was a kid.
That's the problem with these
That's the problem with these kids. They don't learn anything the easy way. Every little thing comes down to a "come to Jesus" wake up call and the instant you let up on it they go back to their old ways. Doesn't matter how intensive or long you focus on a problem...the second you let up even slightly its like groundhog day and its the first time they've heard it.
Maybe because if "come to
Maybe because if "come to Jesus" has become their standard of normal, anything less doesn't register. I have a friend who yells and screams and cusses at her daughter because she claims it is all she will respond to. Kid listens to me just fine. I asked the kid why I can ask her to do something once and she will, but Mom has to holler, scream, and call names. Her answer? Oh, my mom yells so much that I figure if she isn't cussing at me it isn't important.