FUCK NO. NEVER.

My BF loathes his XW ( ) so thankfully that will NEVER be an issue for us. And if we are ever anywhere she is that involves skid, we will either leave or be on the opposite side of wherever she is. (As far away as possible)

It depends on the relationships. I know of several instances where the bio mom and step mom get along very well (dtzy and her boys' SM). There is no issue with both being present at the same events.

Unfortunately most of us here are not dealing with a situation like that

For any event that can be celebrated separately - like a birthday it would be ridiculous to have people that are hostile to each other together. Weddings, baptisms, and graduations are one time events so everyone is going to have to grin and bear being at least in the same vicinity. That does not mean they have to chit chat and socialize.

Now I'm referring to the actual event - not parties. Parties can be separate.

Births - what ever the pregnant lady wants. No one else gets a vote not even the husband. The woman pushing out the baby is the only person entitled to make those decisions. She doesn't even have to let the dad be there if she doesn't want him.

Showers - separate unless all are best friends.

Now for all of these events I am assuming that they are for the children of the ex couple. The ex does not need to be invited to my third cousin's baby shower (neither do I).

Of course with my SS27 I never have to worry about a graduation. Probably not a marriage either. Any little spawn he might create I would ignore.

Do you mean EX's being involved in the skids weddings, birthdays, showeres ect? Or just other people in the family?

NO WAY

I think every situation is different. In our case, bm1 does her visits(few and far between) in our home. She pops back in every couple years for a visit or two. Not going to let a relative stranger just take him out of the blue...so she visits in our loving room for an hour or so until she gets bored.

But in a normal...kid sees both parents on a regular situation....no icdont think things should be joint once one of the parents moves on.

I think every situation is different. In our case, bm1 does her visits(few and far between) in our home. She pops back in every couple years for a visit or two. Not going to let a relative stranger just take him out of the blue...so she visits in our loving room for an hour or so until she gets bored.

But in a normal...kid sees both parents on a regular situation....no icdont think things should be joint once one of the parents moves on.

You have a loving room? Cool. LOL!

I had to spend a horrible Sat once with BM while my SD14 was in the hospital and she needed a ride home(DH was at his boys weekend). Never freakin again will I spend any extra time with her when its not needed for an emergency. I am not looking forward to the day SD14 gets married.

As far as birthdays we have always done our own thing with SD14. Not that BM would ever plan a party that would take her getting out of bed, dressed and showered.

I will let SD14 take the lead on wedding, shower, and births. Hopefully, she will be in her late 40's when all of this happens and I wouldn't have to deal with the BM for 20 years before that.

Here's the rule with my husband, "If you want me there, BM better not be".

Bm is invited to all dhs family crap. I and dh have been ostracised by bitch mil. That old hag is even attending bm's upcoming wedding. So I in turn have cut them out of Our lives. They are not welcome in my home or my life.

We avoid BM as much as possible. College graduation is coming up, and thank goodness we will not need to sit near her like we did at SD's high school graduation. (Me between the two of them bickering. Ugh! She held the tickets, so we didn't have much choice.) Anyway, DH decided not to throw a party for SD because he doesn't want BM or her family at our home. He's never been one to throw parties in the past, so it's not like he's acting out of character. He is upset that in the future, we won't be able to avoid BM at things like SD's wedding or birth of her children, etc. As someone else pointed out...those are only one-off type events, so it's something we'll have to suck up and just stay at the other side of the room.

I know that it's probably a pain for SD having separate everything, but isn't it better if the BM and DH can't get along? Wouldn't it be better to have separate parties/visits when possible if DH and BM aren't civil? I have heard that while they were married, there was a lot of conflict between them, so everything separate sounds better than it ever was in their lives.

They've been divorced 10 years, SD is grown, so contact with BM should be very minimal. She does seem to like mailing crap to DH that he completely ignores (receipts to show how much she spends on SD and photocopies of things regarding SD's college that are readily available online...) but *maybe* this will end soon too???