When I first started dating my now DH--me at 21, him 12 years older. I have the world in front of me, his just came crashing down (the paternity test came back positive), I broke up with him after lurking on this site for a while, because I didn't want to play out the story I knew that was going to occur, that I had my own life to live. I wasn't going to be instant mommy, or even a stepparent, when the world was literally my oyster. He agreed, and knew it was the best thing for me.

He spoke with his SIL and brother, and told them "Since you guys were there from the beginning, I just wanted to let you know that not2sure broke up with me because she didn't want to sacrifice her happiness. The best relationship of my life is now over. I guess some things aren't worth it."

SIL responded "I think not2sure is a very nice person, but honestly you need someone who can accept everything about you unconditionally. I wouldn't want anything to come between you and your son."

When we got back together after that, he told me that someone said (I didn't know it was SIL at the time and it was only after I saw the messages that I knew) I needed to accept his baggage unconditionally if I really loved him (I think he was hoping I would agree and see things that way). I looked him square in the eye and said "there is no such thing as unconditional love--no matter how much I may love someone, the condition of staying with someone is contingent upon whether or not I am happy. If a situation is abusive or toxic, no amount of love can make me stay, nor should it make me stay. If you are saying that I should be happy with everything, not have an opinion as to how things should be done, and just accept it regardless of how unhappy I am or how much I am suffering because I 'love you', tell me now, because this conversation is going to be over, as is this relationship."

He never brought it up to me again, and he used my argument with SIL and his brother the next time they brought it up and told them he never wants to hear that again because he knows it's naive and not right. After that, no one has had the guts to say anything about me, at least in earshot of either me or DH.

I am the bad SM when I tell the skids that they need to be responsible for their things. I am the bad SM when I punish the skids with time outs. I am the bad SM for not putting up with their bs when BM forgets to send their ADHD meds. I am the bad SM when BM calls and wants us to drop our plans to run asthma meds to their house. I am the bad SM when they talk back and they lose their TV, XBOX and computer time. I swear I am the bad SM whenever I breathe. Oh well!! }:)

I was accused of telling SD14 (then 12) that her mother caused their divorce, I locked her in the bathroom because she yelled at me (the bathroom door doesn't lock from the OUTSIDE), I slammed her up against the wall and screamed at her (never happened) and that I was the only reason her parents weren't getting back together (DH would NEVER go back to BM, whether I existed or not).

Oh and she told her therapist and BM that DH and I "made out" in front of her, watched XXX movies when she was over for visitation and that I called her a slut. Again, none of that happened...but SD had to lie to get what she wanted!

I am the golden vagina that keeps FDH from the skids. He would rather be with me than the kids....

The reason FDH takes the skids the minimum, is because she was using visitation as a weapon. FDH planned birthday parties, she took them out of town. She kept them three years ago Easter Sunday and told the kids she didn't know when she was going to let them see their dad because she wanted to hurt him, she actually told the kids that storey. She even had enough nerve to walk into church on Christmas eve three years ago and demand they go with her because she decided she wanted them with her that night.

FDH took her sorry butt to court and the judge told her she had to give him the kids on his days, no exceptions, and no changing the schedule unless it is put in writing and both people sign off on it. This took all the power away from her and she has been crazier ever since.

But she still tells the kids, their dad doesn't want to spend time with them.

A mom who hurts her own children just to hurt her EX. What a "Crazo".

I was accused of "picking on a small diabetic child" fortell her she needed to answer my question of whether or not she wanted a tuna sandwhich.

I had my own children.

I am not married to SO and probably never will be (by choice). I am a bad person because the BM passed away, and I am not wanted or welcomed by two entitled adult SK as though it was my fault she died. The SS had a background check done on me and it was very embarrassing. He made me feel like a gold digger. SD confronted me and basically told me I was not welcome on our first meeting and it's been an awkward relationship ever since. You are judged guilty until proven innocent.

Truth be told they take advantage of their father, became co-owners in his small business ventures immediately after the mother died. They take quarterly draws from the business accounts and purchased a $$$ boat, new cars and new houses. Take vacations and cruises multiple times per year. SD has a maid, too. My SO has sold his marital home because he could no longer afford it after splitting the income/profits with his adult kids. We live in a fixer upper grandpa house and struggle along and we are getting old and tired. We drive a minivan with high milage. We don't take vacations.

The SD does the books but often neglects to pay his gas card and his cell phone, but it's okay. He rants at me about it and then talks to her in a little baby voice. One time she forced him to take on her FIL as an employee and pulled the part owner card when he balked.

I felt sorry for him at first (because of the tragedy) but now not so much. I feel more sorry for myself for having gotten myself into this situation.

I am sure that in the privacy of their own home, the SDs and NPD BM talk about me as if I am the last demon in hell, however, they do not dare say stuff about me to my face, (usually!), or to my DH as they know they would get short shrift.

I have absolutely zero contact with NPD BM - in 10 years I have probably exchanged less than 10 words with her. What she thinks of me I neither know nor care. That's one of the best things about being a grumpy old woman who has disengaged! (I am 6 years older than my DH and 12 years older than NPD BM).

Just this weekend my mother in law said, "You treats the skids different than your own daughter and I'm not OK with that."

SDs have to listen to me and be respectful. BM claims they are afraid of me.

I'm trying to make her kids speak and act white. I had no idea that Girl Scouts was a private club for white girls. I wonder if she'll let me borrow her Right Way To Be Black handbook.

DF and I took the girls to Disney World. According to her, she I should have been there,not me.

LOL. I pick on my SS13 and I have too many rules. He's scared of me and BM loves to tell DH that.

In actuality, SS13 respects me and his behavior has improved greatly since he's moved in with me (we have primary custody and he sees BM EOW). Sure, he doesn't like my rules and he says he's "scared" but that's just cuz he knows his shit won't fly with me.

I can sum up my lead reason for being the evil step mom:

I breathe, every day. I wake up breathing

I breathe in.... and then I breathe out. That's what makes me BAD also (sorry above poster, I see we are disliked for the very same thing!)

For me it was when I wouldn't let her wear flip flops in November after a snowfall in GA....She brought it up every time she could that I was evil. When she brought it up in therapy in front of DH, the therapist laughed at her and said that is what mom's do, get over it.

Oh, I also made them take their shoes off before coming in the house, make their bed and eat breakfast. I was evil incarnate...

I'm mean because I correct their pronunciation, and speaking grammar. My grandmother beat it into me, we beat it into my kids and I will not listen to we seen a bunch of video gameses, or we has a big tv at home, or me and so and so had the goodest breakfast. Drives me nuts, SO and my own kids even correct it now and apparently I'm trying to teach the kids to be snobs and think they are better than her family.

My existence made me bad and sometimes my ss14 outright admits that he can think of nothing I've ever done wrong to him he just doesnt want his dad married.

However, there are times in which he has been more creative. I've also been accused of locking him in his room all day long, not allowing him out to go to the bathroom, and then standing outside the door with my children laughing at him when he shit his pants. Reality was that he was in a 5 minute time out, screamed to be let out to use the bathroom, and I told him he had to wait. Trust me I wasnt laughing after I saw he shit himself. he was 9. Other stories include him not liking me because he used to "roughhouse" with my ds yet only he, innocent victim ss, got in trouble for it while my ds got away with it. If by roughhouse, my ss meant "psychotically plot to kill, or bloody ds's nose, or bust his lip open" then perhaps he's got me on this one.

As I was watching SD then 3 I gave her a bath, her grandmother puts those little rubber bands in her hair and when I took it off it pulled a bit I apologized in the wrong words "I'm sorry I pulled your hair" SD threw a tantrum later that week and following step by step what DH wanted and him on the phone I picked SD up like a baby and sat her on my bed. Some how those 2 events got meshed by the old hag and I was accused of dragging SD by the ponytail threw in a cold dark room and locked the door poor SD sat and cried and looked at the moon her only light source. Yet SD now 7 loves ME this evil sm. How dare I cook,clean and teach her things.

BM thinks that I am a bad influence on her 27 year old son because I keep alcohol in my home.

She's a big church lady that does not ever drink. Now that's a good thing as her father was a horrible alcoholic and she knows it.

So BM your son is a drunk because of the bad genes you passed on to him along with your piss poor mothering skills. SS was a total sot at least a decade before I met him so don't blame his addiction issues on me. I've never once offered him a drink but he has confiscated some.

I am not a big drinker so some of the bottle of liquor in my home are at least a decade old. But you drunk son is doing a grand job of emptying them.

probably the same sort of total horseshit that all sm's are accused of. sd20 told me when she was 16 that i stole her dad from her, i win, i changed him and turned him into someone she doesn't even know anymore, they used to be SO close and he loved her SO much and now that's all gone because of ME. and the worst thing i did-i got pregnant by him for a 2nd time! someone shoot me now, i completely ruined her life by being her dad's SO. (eye roll)

I'm mean because I have rules and won't let skid act like a feral animal, won't tolerate lies, etc. Because I had my own child with DH. Because I won't clock 80 miles a day dragging my baby in the car to take her to and from school (we used to have her week-on, week-off). Because my son and I exist and that prevents SD from having Dadeeee all to herself. Because I ripped off DH's rose tinted glasses and he now sees her for who/what she really is. I could go on forever.