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Told DH I was jealous of his ex-wife

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 10:09am

So since last week when I finally had it out with DH about not wanting to be a stepparent any more, I have totally disengaged from his daughter. DH has a totally different idea of parenting that myself and anything I have managed to teach his daughter in the last year or so, he has totally wipped away by doing everything for her instead of making her do it. Thus I have become the bad guy.

Anyways, this week coming up, there is no school and I asked DH if SD was going to be going any where for part of this vacation or all of it, as I needed a break. DH says that he is trying to farm her out. I of course ask who he was "farming" her out to. His response was either SD maternal grandparents or SD mother. At this point I said I was jealous of his ex-wife's life. She managed to spit out 4 children but isn't held accountable for any of them. (2 are on their own after being raised by someone else, 1 is with us and the other is with her bio father) She has no financial or emotional obligation to any of them, no one holds her accountable to raise her own children and she gets to choose if and when she wants to be a part of their life. Lets just say he didn't have a response and walked away,when I went inside to see him, he was texting BM hopefully telling her not asking her that she has to parent her own daughter for once. By the way the bitch lives in the same city as us and has no job.

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Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:06am

It is not necesarily of her, but the fact that she doesn't have to look after a child full time that she gave birth to that she and DH planned, that thinks that she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. SD mother gets to be the hero even though she doesn't have to do shit emotionally or finacially. If she wants to go away for a week she doesn't have to try and find some where for her daughter to stay or how her daughter is going to get to school. If she wants to move she doesn't have to think about the school her daughter will be going to. I was the one who didn't have any children so why is it that I am the one who everyone expects to thing more about my SD than myself. No one holds BM accountable because she is such a piece of shit, it just get frustrating.

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:26am

I agree with you on the responsibility and obligations, that is what has allowed me to have a life style that I want in the sence of a nice house, to entertain friends and family, the ability to travel and just be a productive member of society.

Normally I would agree with you also about DH, but it is him who does not push the visitation with the BM and allows SD to decide when she wants to visit. BM just doesn't care so she won't fight it. If DH tells BM that SD is coming over then it is usually fine. We were suppose to do every second weekend with BM but DH didn't feel like fighting with SD about it so they both just let it go. The parents were fine with it but not SD so I guess that is who makes the decisions. I just miss being the EOW and being the fun person because two people who chose to have a child don't want to put the effort into raising said child.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:28am

I understand where you are coming from.

I have to arrange my weekends around her kids. I have to financially plan to buy her kids clothes for start of school and now for summer. I have to spend my days off of work picking up her daughter and taing her to cheerleading.

I spent 23 years raising kids and I'm still doing it for some other lazy ass bitch.

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:42am

That is exactly it.
I am also just pissed that no one, and I mean no one expects her to have to look after her child/children. However everyone thinks that I should including her fucked up family, I am just tired of it all. I am a firm believer that how can we expect people to rise if we don't have any expectations of them. I guess I shot myself in the foot by being the responsible one.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 11:43am

I do understand where you are coming from. When DH and I first got together I made it very clear that SS (the adult long-term alcoholic) and his problems were NOT my problem.

DH had been living out of state and when he moved to be with me (same city as SS and BM) BM thought all of SS's issues from jail to medical should be dumped on our house. I had a hissy fit to put it mildly.

I am not the one who was too stupid to use birth control (late 20s not a teen - she'd been having sex since she was 15). I did not produce this spawn with a total lack of responsibility ranging from his birth to his neglect during childhood.

BM though I was going to be the great new savior. It made me furious. I did not make him, break him nor will I fix him.

I'd never have married DH if SS was a minor.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:01pm

I sooo feel your pain and you sincerely have my deepest sympathy about how you feel and all of the BS that you have to deal with because some POS doesn't want to step up and parent HER KID!!!

I came into my relationship with BF knowing that he had a kid and at first things went seemingly well between SS11 and I, that was until the brat gave me an attitude JUST for asking him if he was OK because he was pouting in the backseat of my BF's truck over something stupid of course. Well, that brat had the nerve to give me attitude..then it was like a light switch went off inside of me and at that point right there that was thee finall straw for me!
I told BF how I felt about skid and he has been soo supportive etc about it all! I couldn't have asked or imagined for a better man in regards to dealing with skid/bm BS.
I said all of that to say this...I do NOTHING for his kid. And unless I want to..I NEVER will! My BF never asks/expects/demands a damn thing from/of me re: skid. And that is exactly how I want it and like it!
I know it is hard and sooo easy to feel that because on the outside it appears that BM has it made. But she is the one that has to live with the fact that she is a POS waste of skin. If I were you I wouldn't do a damn thing for his kid, let him do it all. He chose to get with that woman and whether it was planned or not he had a kid with her and that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM OR RESPONSIBILITY...AND NEVER WILL BE!!!

You do what is BEST & RIGHT for you to keep your sanity and happiness in tact. BM will get hers in the end...I know it is soo hard to just sit by and wait for people to get theres trust me, I loathe my BF'S XW with a passion. She just farts out kids and gets all kinds of govt assistance and 920.00 a month of my mans hard earned money for ONE KID!!! Thus my BF and I's financial situation SUCKS!!! And God only knows when we will have the money to ever start OUR future because of it! I hate that sooo much!!! This bitch gets a new car every 1-2 years, hair, nails, tanning etc and my BF drives a beat up truck, lives with a roomate, etc. so yeah I understand how you feel more than you know. The only GOOD thing about it all is that unlike your BM his XW has kids FT (BF only has skid EOWE and 2 hours every Wedn) but that is obviously only because she lives off of the backs of the money those kids get her.
At least you and I can hold our heads up high knowing that we are doing the right thing and the BM's are complete useless wastes of skin. Smile

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:36pm

Thanks Tasha and Oldone for the smile and laugh. I am finally coming to that realization that I just can't give anymore and no one has the right to ask. By the way love the tag line "My GIVE-A-FUCK is BUSTED" Smile

notagain2012's picture

Submitted by notagain2012 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:40pm

I totally get what you mean. BM is totally unaccountable, cannot be depended on to watch her kid, doesn't work or pay support. But yet, I'm going to be the biggest Jackass when all is said and done, because I don't feel I should have to take in these responsibilities, support her kid, feed him etc and she isn't expected to do anything.

I have raised my bs. I have worked, and made a home, and gotten him an education, and now my relationship is going to shit because I don't welcome the responsibility if raising someone else's kid, when I have no input, and BM is the MOM. I don't see any appreciation or respect from anyone of these people no matter the size sacrifices I make to help out.

I'm nearly over the crap. I'm going to be put into a position where I choose to either live without SO, or move and go into a lease on a 3 bedroom for this kid. SO can barely pay his 75 weekly at his roommates house, while I'm paying 820 for my apt. Who do you think is going to take the brunt of the bill, and make more sacrifices? And at the same time, not get any respect or a fing thank you? Yes. I'm not seeing it happen, so it will ne the end of my relationship, and the crackwhore will carry on her merry way and prob pop out a 3rd child she won't ever have custody of, and play big bad mommy and take none of the work that goes with it.

It pisses me off everytime I think about it. Yes, I am jealous that someone could be so fing worthless and not even think twice about it, and expect me to step up, and then harass me and make it harder for me.

Cdngirl's picture

Submitted by Cdngirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 12:51pm

I have lights going off and bells ringing over my head right now, that is exactly it.
I informed my DH, who is very supportive and the love of my life, that I would never make him choose and if I couldn't continue anymore then I would leave. I know I am forcing his hand in this, but I can't and won't support the bad behavour that all three of them have. I deserve to be as happy as any of them and right now I am the one who is getting the short end of the stick, yet I am the one who shouldn't have any of that responsibility.