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Under what circumstances do you think it's ok for BM to move with the kids

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 9:22am

This seems to come up on this board a lot.

I can understand BM moving to an area where she has family and/or a good job offer so she can work and do her part to provide for the kids. As long as she's not a PASinator. Having family nearby as a support system is always nice. And if she truly is moving for work reasons/a better job, I say good for her. My skids BM has never worked a day in her life. A lot of the BMs we blog about do not work. So if she is working and will likely find a better job in the area she is thinking about moving to, I fully support that. Also, perhaps she works at a job where one gets transferred. For these reasons, I can understand her needing to move and would fully support her taking the kids with her provided she does not bash the other parent to the kids. And in some situations, perhaps the other parent truly should not be taking care of the kids. It really, truly depends on the situation and both parents. But like I said, as long as the BM isn't a PASinator, I think it's ok to take the kids with her, and most courts (hopefully) would feel the same way.

However, I think some BMs move just to make things difficult for the ex. Many seem to move to areas where they have no family and have no intention of working at a better job (or any job). Those reasons seem to be valid ones for moving and taking the kids. Moving to make life harder on your ex, to me, is not good. Even worse is moving the kids without consulting with their other parent unless you have sole legal custody. Some of these women seem like they are on power trips and just want all the control.

If the BM truly has a valid reason to move (i.e. big support network of family in an area and/or the likelihood of a better job) and the ex is just being a pain in the a$$, she should talk with an attorney, not just take the kids and go. There are proper legal processes for that.

And I hope Dads with exes who move the kids for the sole purpose of making things difficult for them read up on Fathers Rights and can and do manage to get an attorney to help them.

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 9:23am

Oh at this juncture, I wish BM would move to Egypt with stepdevil never to be heard from or seen again!

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 9:34am

I think about my kids though. My husband and I have shared custody: 50/50. It will kill me if he moved with them. If she's not a horrible person, I would try to work out her staying close by. Now, our BM told SO she was leaving him on a Friday and had packed her bags by Monday to move 13 hrs away. SO was depressed for months so bad. He made trips when he could. Eventually left his home and family and followed his girls to where they were. 4 months later, BM says Ok this guy broke up with me- let's go back home." And he makes plans to move back here. It worked out because this is when I met him. But the point is, being without his kids made SO so miserable: he couldn't focus, sleep, and was so depressed.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 9:47am

I think every situation is soooo different its almost impossible to generalize. It all depends on the visitation schedule, how involved the nc parent is, how far the kids would he moving, differences between the areas, jobs, family support, school systems etc.

If dh and I were to divorce I would fully intend to move back to where I am from with them. And honestly I don't think dh would try and stop me. Our kids would have a far better life up north with me and my family and the great schools than down here being shuffled back and forth between us and two financially struggling homes in crappy school districts. I would doc everything I could to keep him involved and help him travel back and forth to visit. But I def wouldnt stay here until they were 18 and disadvantage them just to stay near their dad.

Note: we are currently trying to move to where I am from so eh would def agree with my assessment of where the boys are best off.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 10:05am

I feel horrible for saying it, but I'm glad BM fled the state and requested DH submit jurisdiction to IL. As big of a BM loving state IL is, it's roses compared to NY.

I think, with technology and skype these days, everyone should be able to move to where they want (provided they are not PASer's) but they have to fork over the travel costs for visitation.

I mean, I can't imagine being told, well, because you had a kid with him, you're not allowed to move unless he says so, even though you were never together or you've been divorced for 15 years. That's just crazy to me. An ex is an ex because I don't want him in my life or affecting it!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 02/07/2013 - 11:11am

For our situation, I can't think of any circumstances where it would be ok. DH is SS's primary parent. The time is 50/50, but DH is the one that takes care of EVERYTHING for SS (with my help). If BM tried to move away with him for ANY reason, we would fight it and most definately win. She can go where ever she would like.. but SS stays here.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 02/08/2013 - 12:58am

I know a woman who moved all over the country to try to keep the son away from his birth father. The father though outwitted her and got a job working one month on and one month off. So they have 50/50 by the month. Whenever she moves he changes where he goes for his month off. He's not a bad guy she just wanted her new husband to be the dad. The kid is about ready to go to college now.

I know another situation where the BM had an affair and wanted to move about 1500 miles away. The courts said no way and they have 50/50. She still thinks she is going to leave, but I know this judicial system and she will lose total custody if she leaves.