I was a step kid, my entire life. And I still am. The only issues I ever had was when I was 14. And I thought I was grown, and had a huge mutual physical fight with my mom long term bf. I was an ass.

But I grew up, and he actually helped me when I had my son, even though my mom moved on and married someone else.

The first real step dad I remebr was abusive. I was beat for having bad handwriting (im a left) , just to give you some perspective. I hated him. This was age 2nd grade to 7th grade. He was a a hole to me and mom. Luckily, she wised up. I still hate this man. He is also the only one who had a kid of his own. Who he didn't have a relationship with, and owed large sums of back support for. I guess there is some relation there to the fact that I have only dated one man with a kid, who is my current one.

I didn't know my dad. And haven't seen him since I was about 5 or 6.
Maybe a huge benefit was not having to be tossed around, or deal with any PAS.
I was a very angry child. But I was also very introverted, and kept to myself. I never really caused trouble, or asked for things, constantly. My childhood was pretty brutal at best, and I internalized everything. Took me until my 30s to realize that. I don't ever Remebr being hateful and spoiled and demanding of my moms bfs or current hubby. I was never told I was this way, and even as an adult, I remained friends with these guys, except for the abusive ones.

I guess that's why I have such short patience and have a hard time understanding the skid mentality. But we were also dirt poor, like convience store clerk poor, and never had the luxuries of these kids. Every kid, or teen I come across has a severe case of narcissim its seems. Even my own most days.

When I came into my skids lives they were 4,5 and 6. I had 3 bio's of my own and work with kids in the hospital. The skids liked me and we had fun. They were learning things from me that were different from their BM. Our relationship was growing and we were bonding. I made sure they knew they had two parents and that I would never replace their BM. They had one and only one BM.

BM became very jealous and insecure in her ability to their BM. BM began tearing away at my relationship SD because she and I were becoming very close. She was the only girl with two brothers and Dad. She was happy that we did girl things and she got some special time. Now that BM has successfully PAS'd SD and she no longer visits us, BM is now working on the boys, especially the younger one because he and I were close. He used to ask me why his BM doesn't like me. Over the past 2 years she has pretty much severed my relationship with him.

I do feel badly for skids who have to endure PAS. I try to put myself in their shoes but it's tough when you are angry at a BM who would deliberately do this to their child.

I think a lot has to do with the BM. If she isn't secure in knowing she is the mom and can let another woman into their children's lives to love and be loved, life will be rocky for skid, DH and SM. Unfortunately the one that gets scarred the most are the skids because they are robbed of being a child.

This is long, so, I apologize ^_^

I try to put myself in SD's shoes when things are ridiculous because I know that her situation is not an easy one. It's not the worst situation, but, it's not easy by any means. SO and GUBM didn't split amicably and GUBM still harbors hurt and anger towards SO, SD is a target of PAS from GUBM, and she has had very little stability in her life since GUBM and SO split outside of SO always being there for her and reaching out to her.

I wasn't a skid, but, I almost could have been. My mom had planned to kick my dad out in November of 1994, but, his mom went into the hospital the night she was going to do it, my mom chickened out, and he died a month later, so she never had to go through with it. I guess I experienced something like PAS growing up after he died, though (can a child be PASed against a deceased parent?). Starting at around 3 months after he died, my mom and sister went on a campaign to sully his good name and try to ruin any good memories that I had of him. They felt I was mourning too long. And, yes, they are assholes. I can say that after 30 years of dealing with them they don't just behave like assholes now and again, they are true assholes down to the core. They accused him of horrendous things that I will not repeat here because they were outrageous and so horrible that I'm still angry over the fact that they would accuse him of these things.

But, I guess since I had already gotten wise to my mom and sister's heinous f*ckery, it didn't change the way I felt about my dad one bit outside of missing him all that much more. It definitely changed the way I felt about my mom and my sister; I hated them for that and I am still very angry and hurt over it, I haven't been able to forgive them for denying me my grief, something that is so natural when you lose someone close to you, and for trying to get me to hate my own father. So, I'm not sure if that would have changed had he not died, divorced my mom, and remarried.

I know that one of the things that helped me grow wise to my mom and sister was the fact that I had other people in my life, solid adults, who showed me that I was generally an OK person, and once they started on the slander campaign, these same adults stuck by me and assured me that it was OK to still grieve over the loss of my father as long as I had and that what they were doing wasn't right or fair. While they were trying to hurt him, they were really hurting me (though, I still think that they were really trying to hurt me, whether they could recognize it or not, because they're assholes. And yea, I know, hurt people hurt people and all that jazz, but, really? To tell a child who is mourning the loss of her father that she is mourning him too long because he engaged in horrendous fictitious behavior and that she shouldn't be sad that he's dead? C'mon).

So, I use my own experiences in my interactions with SD, which is why we have let her known up front that she is 100% entitled to her own feelings, opinions, and beliefs, but, that she has to learn how to share them in a healthy manner that doesn't come at the expense of others.

It really amazes me sometimes the lengths that GUBM goes to and how similar her antics are to the antics my mom and sister pulled. I remember one day when I broke down and cried my eyes out because SO told me that SD told him GUBM was trying to slander him, trying to fill her head with false memories of how awful a person he really was in an attempt to convince her that moving in with us would be a bad idea. Like, we're talking I sobbed for hours because this woman was doing to her daughter what my mom did to me, and all the hurt came right to the surface instantly, like a burn that blisters moments after it happens. Much like when I was her age, SD was wise enough to know that her own memories are valid and that GUBM was trying to convince her over to her own way of seeing things, but, I knew how much that kind of nonsense still hurt me even though I didn't believe it; it's like, how can this human who birthed me and profess to love me want to hurt me?

Do I still get frustrated when she behaves in a manner that reflects the PAS? Yes, definitely. But, I find that my frustration is lessened by the fact that I can see what she's dealing with and I can relate on a certain level. My frustration has lessened over time as I've grown to know and understand GUBM for what kind of person she really is.

My mother is a PASer and my parents are still married and I am way too old to be dealing with this crap. It really is a sickness to need to hurt other people or make them look bad to make yourself feel good. My mother has tried to be the more loved parent for as long as I can remember. All she accomplished is having all of us kids having no respect for her and thinking she needs therapy. We love her as much as we love our dad, but we respect and like our dad.

I get that kids who are PASed feel the need to agree with the alienator for self-preservation while with that parent. What I do not agree with is them bringing into our homes.