Health Issues and Depression
The day before yesterday I ended up in the ER. My heart started racing in the morning when I went to take a shower and I ended up on the floor because I almost fainted. I've had heart issues for quite some time now. It's just recently gotten worse. I get shooting pains in the left side of my chest, my heart skips a beat sometimes, starts to race at others, and sometimes it feels like someone is crushing it and it's strugling to beat.
They ran all sorts of tests on me at the hospital but couldn't find anything wrong so I am being referred to another doctor. They said that they know something is wrong but they just don't have the test for it. Gotta love modern medicine.
DH and I have been fighting a lot recently. I said some things that I shouldn't have said out of anger but of course he is perfect and has done no wrong.
Last night I had another heart episode where my chest felt really tight, I was having a hard time breathing, and my heart rate was up to 120 beats per minute while I was just sitting. This lasted for about 15 to 20 minutes.
DH of course wanted to talk about all of the fighting recently. He was upset about what I had said, told me that he's stressed and listed all of the issues that were stressing him out, none of which was related to me being in the hospital, told me that he feels like he can't spend anytime with his kids because of me, and the he feels like he is walking on egg shells around me.
I told him that my heart issues worsening could be due to anxiety because of all of the drama to which apparently made him feel that his eggshell comment was justified because he said it again.I told him that I've never told him not to spend time with his kids, that when I first moved in things were out of control. That he was doing things like passing out in his son's bed with him all of the time, catering to his kids to the point that he was so worn out by 7:45 that he just passed out, would allow his son to climb in bed with us and then would roll over and spoon him all of the time. (I basically got no time with him.) The only thing that I asked from him was for him to find a balance so that I could be included in his life and I have done nothing but encourage him to bond better with his kids. Especially SD, since BM has pulled her PAS BS on her.
I tried to explain to him that I wanted another child but I can't have one because BM and him decided that they were going to fix their marriage by having another child which means that now we can't have one. (We don't have the space and DH can't manage to stop racking up debt on his credit card. I know, not the smartest things to say, but it's how I feel.) DH told me to go and get a job making six figures and then we can have another kid. (He knows this isn't possible. We live in a right to work state and those jobs aren't avaiable.) He told me that he doesn't see us making it and that I will resent him and his son for forever.
I'm just tiered. So very tiered. I don't want to get up and go to work anymore. I find it hard to concentrate when I do. I feel detached and I just don't care anymore. I'm supposed to interview for a better job that pays more but I just don't care enough to do it. DH is constantly riding me about it. "Did you call him today?" But I just don't. I just don't care anymore. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep.
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Comments
The higher paying job was so
The higher paying job was so that we can pay off our debt faster so that we can have a child together. Since that's not going to happen what's the point. He's putting $1000 dollars a month on the credit card in debt. He told me last night that he's not spending it on him or his kids. I know he's not spending it on me or my BD. So where is all of this money going? I just don't get it.
He's always talking about needing to get caught up first, but in my eyes, actions speak louder then words. If that were the case then if you can't afford it, don't buy it. I'm expected to get a better a paying job so that we can pay our debts off faster while he is racking up more debt. The credit card was paid off last May and now there's almost 8K worth of debt on it again. I just don't understand. If he wanted it, he would try for it.
$1000 a month piling
$1000 a month piling month-after-month is excessive. He can tell you he's not spending it on him or his kids. Can he not tell you where he IS spending it? Is this card in his name alone, or are you on it as well?
You should be able to look at statements & see where it's going.
I agree with you. If he wanted it, he'd make an effort. I'm sorry.
He offered to let me look at
He offered to let me look at it last night but with my heart acting up I didn't really want to have to sit there and look through the online credit card statements. I was more concerned with just breathing. Maybe I'll do it tonight but I don't really see a point to it. He can do whatever he wants to do. At this point having another child is off of the table and I told him that last night. He can't handle having three kids alone at home let alone a new born or an infant too. Don't get me worng, he does a lot while I'm still at work. He picks the kids up from school, makes them take showers, cooks dinner, and helps them with their homework. That's why he's usually in freak out mode by the time I get home.
I think it's something you
I think it's something you should take the time to do. You don't have to do it today, but do it sometime in the near future.
If your household spending is creating $1000 debt every month, obviously the two of you need to make cuts somewhere.
If he's just spending like a madman on things that aren't necessary, that needs to be addressed as well. Even if the card is in his name alone, clearly, it's still affecting you & your household.
If it's a joint account, you need to be concerned with what he's doing to your credit.
If he simply can't control his spending, perhaps he needs to start leaving his card at home.
Please do take the time to look it over sometime soon. More debt will only cause you more grief & stress.
^^. This! when a credit card
^^. This!
when a credit card gets paid off you should close it if you know he'll charge it back up again.
what a disaster
I don't know about you, but I
I don't know about you, but I have found that even though my job can be a royal PITA more than 50% of the time, it has been a sort of safe haven for me when things go to shit at home. When I found out that my ExH was cheating and kicked his ass out and then had to deal with divorce crap for almost 2 years, work was my sanity. I could go to work and be preoccupied with it and NOT so occupied on my crappy home life.
Likewise, home is the same variable.... in that when I have a craptastic day at work, it's nice to go home to DH and our BS3 and forget about the work-day nonsense. You've got to give yourself SOMEPLACE to go that is for you (preferably not your bed.) Do you have a hobby? I've also found that exercise helps relieve a TON of stress. Can you exercise with your heart condition?
Please take care of YOURSELF first and foremost! I know it's easier said than done sometimes, but you have to do it!
With my schedule it's
With my schedule it's impossible for me to have a hobby. DH would freak out if I just left him with all three kids and disappeared back to the bedroom to read. When I got home last night he was in one of his moods where he was p!ssed off about everything, slamming cupboard doors in the kitchen, telling me that my BD had the worst day ever, and yelling at his kids. I think that's what set my heart off again. When I explained that to him his response was, "you see, I have to walk on eggshells around you."
No there isn't. My family
No there isn't. My family sucks. I love them but they still suck. They never call. I'm the only one who makes any effort to maintain some sort of relationship with them. I'm tiered of being the only one trying with them.
As for friends, I don't have time. Nor do I have the energy or care anymore whether or not I have any friends. I just don't care to make an effort.
I just wanted to give you
I just wanted to give you some support. I also am going through something very similar. Just this last weekend I got back from a MUCH needed vacation. I went (without my DH) to see my parents & my siblings for Thanksgiving.
I had somewhat of a meltdown a week or two before I left. We also live in a right-to-work state. My DH has been laid off 5 times in the last 4 years, so we have really struggled financially. I keep the checkbook, so it was always me having to look at our money in the red & try to juggle the bills & figure out how to keep us afloat.
I hate my job, which makes me feel guilty, as I know I'm fortunate just to have one. The stress of all of it put me in meltdown-mode.
I stayed tired. I didn't care about my job. I didn't care about my home. I felt like it took every ounce of everything in me just to get through a day.
Take a break. Take a break from work. Take a break from your home. Do you have a family member you could spend a few days with? A good friend? You have to take some time for yourself. Get away from the people & the places that cause your stress. Put yourself in a place you can relax & just do things you want to do.
I broke down out of the blue one day when my DH asked me how my day went. I lost it. I was sobbing & once I started telling him about all of it, I couldn't stop. I cried so hard & it all spilled over like water breaking through a dam. I had expressed my frustrations & stress with my DH here & there before this, but I never sat him down & really addressed it as a serious issue. He was clearly taken back by all of it, but has been incredibly supportive of me & trying to take some of the stress off of me since.
My first week back at work...I still don't like my job, but I'm in a better place, mentally & emotionally, to deal with it. I'm able to get motivated enough to get my resume in order to start applying for other things, where before I couldn't focus enough & couldn't make myself even care enough to get such a small task done.
YOU need to take care of you. With "Unhappy" as your name, perhaps it would be in your best interest to re-evaluate your situation. It sounds like your DH is unwilling to accept his share of the issues in your marriage.
I'm gonna say the same as I
I'm gonna say the same as I said to Unhappy - I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I get it but can only sympathize and hope things get better for you!
I just try to support everyone as best as I can and hope some good vibes get sent your way and things improve.
Hang in there -
When you say "heart issues,"
When you say "heart issues," have you been diagnosed with an actual heart condition? With an EEG or EKG or something?
The reason I ask is because all of your symptoms sound EXACTLY like a panic attack. You almost feel like you're having a heart attack, but it's really your body reacting to the stress.
Perhaps that's something to ask the doctor, especially if they "can't find anything."
They did an EKG, blood tests,
They did an EKG, blood tests, urine tests, and took x-rays of my heart and lungs and couldn't find anything. I've also wondered if it could be a panic attack because of anxiety from all of the stress but I won't know until I go into my doctors appointment. I have had similar issues with this this for the last 13 years. It's just gotten really bad recently.
They only thing they were able to find is that I have enlarged blood red blood cells (macrocytes) which from the reading that I have done online, they are pretty much useless and aren't able to fucntion properly. Depending on the amount present this can cause anemia. Anemia depending on how sever can cause issues with my heart because it has to work much hard to pump oxygen rich blood throughout my body.
I'm so sorry you're going
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you get better soon!!!!!!!!
Thanks RedWingsFan. I really
Thanks RedWingsFan. I really appreciate that.
I wish I had more to say, you
I wish I had more to say, you know, some magical cure or words of wisdom but since I don't, all I can do is sympathize and hope you get to feeling better soon.
Sorry
I really just want out what
I really just want out what it is. If it's harmless then that's great. If not then I'd like to know what I can do to make it better. Whether it be medication, diet change, exercise. Anything to give me a piece of mind would nice. It's freaking scary when your heart just freaks out and you end up on the floor thinking that you're dying. Or even last night. Just the feeling of your heart messing up is horrible. Especailly when you don't know what's going on. The last time I checked I needed my heart.