Stunned speechless
Less than 2 years ago I posted about SD and her dangerous. life-threatening family-building efforts. (See that post below.)
I am absolutely stunned and could not believe my ears when my SO told me that SD is now pregnant again. There are simply no words to describe this situation, nor is there any sanity in it.
Just wanted to VENT here since I cannot discuss this with my SO. What else could I say except, "Congratulations!"
Thankfully I am disengaged so i don't have to deal with it directly nor with SD since she lives several states away.
Just want to reiterate that distressing skid situations NEVER EVER go away. No matter how old they get, no matter how good things may seem. God forbid, if SD gets to the point where she continues with these pregnancies and becomes severely disabled or worse, dies, she will be leaving behind children who will undoubtedly need attention and care from their grandfather, my SO.
I sure didn't sign up for that but it could happen. Food for thought when you believe it's over at 18. Nope.
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"Nov 2022: If you read my post back in June, you will see that SD is expecting and the background behind it. She is a VERY high-risk patient. The first nearly killed her and the fetus didn't survive. The second almost did kill her AND the baby wound up in NICU for months and has physical and developmental challenges. This is her third. All her pregnancies were calculated and significantly medically-assisted despite her high-risk. BM (by way of family money) helps SD financially with all this as SD could not afford it otherwise.
Well, no surprise she contacts SO and lets him know she is now hospitalized. The baby may have to be delivered early to save SD's life and they are hoping they can hold off long enough for baby to have a better outcome.
I am so speechless by all of this I just can't even comprehend it anymore. Of course my SO is beyond worried, once again, and TBH I really don't have much to say to him other than "I am hoping and praying for a good outcome."
Over the years, I've read so many stories and nightmare scenarios about skids but I honestly don't even know how to respond to this situation, other than to remain disengaged and when needed express a brief "Best wishes." So often people think it all ends when skids are 18 but it doesn't.
This goes to show that when they are young, skids bring small heartaches but when they get older, they can often bring much more serious and lifelong heartaches."
Wow, wow, wow
So how many kids does she already have? How does she manage them?
Currently, three kids 5 years and younger.
Child I discussed in Nov 22 was also born a few months premature and spent considerable time in NICU. As of now no apparent physical or developmental problems (thankfully)
From what So has told me, SD and her DH are able to adjust their work schedules (both work full time) so that one of them is always home with the kids. Supposedly they have never had to use childcare, not even BM. (Which I think is crap -- I'd bet BM is over there all the time.)
I think this kind of b.s. answer on something as innocuous as childcare is just a small indicator of how much SD lies to her father, especially if BM may be involved. And for no good reason. Why not just say, "Mom watches the kids."
Oh wow. I remember this. It's
Oh wow. I remember this. It's crazy what she is doing. I can't believe it's happening again.
Seams like
BD her SO and her BM. Have everything handled, But there always rim for money and gifts. Sure BM will take. The kids if something happens . Your SO is basically out of the loop.in her life
Good point.
BM has made it clear that she is the ONE AND ONLY parent who matters. And yes, my SO is definitely out of the loop.
Good grief. It's almost like
Good grief. It's almost like some sick, long-term adrenaline rush to risk these pregnancies.
It sure is something psychological.
Whether it's the rush or some twisted form of getting attention - Munchausen maybe? If she wanted to risk her own life that's her prerogative. But there are innocent children involved.
@2Tired4Drama, I dont hate to
@2Tired4Drama, I hate to say it, but I thought my SD29 was bad enough since she has also made her share of deliberatley making poor, irresponsible reproductive choices I am surprised that she hasnt gotten to the level of yours ( although she is capable)
These SDs are real "prizes" all right. What a Treasure they are ( eye roll)
I say your SD;s decisions are definitely driven by the need to fill some emotional void, most likey to get the attention she might have felt denied of and trying to compensate.
Just like you, I feel that its unfair and selfish to thoughtlessly bring children into it, to use as pawns to fulfill her own needs, especially when she is exposing herself and these kids to some serious risks and consequences. .
You just might win the prize
You just might win the prize for the most irresponsible adult skid. And it's a crowded field!
I don't get this kind of behavior. Is it an extreme form of "look-at-MMEEE?"
Can I refuse the prize, LOL?!
Merry, I agree - this whole situation is absolutely incomprehensible. I have done a bit of reading over the decades of stephood, trying to figure out what is wrong with this person. IMO, I believe she is a true, bona fide narcissist and these children are nothing more than narcissistic supply. (I know everyone throws around the term narcissist nowadays but I think SD is 100% genuine. Sure, there are a lot of selfish people in the world but when it reaches this stage, where innocent children suffer for YOUR wants, then it is pathological IMO.)
I found a couple of excerpts from an article which is interesting:
"...But it's not always quite so simple, psychologists say. Some women may like that pregancy feeling a little too much, often driven to rapidly reproduce out of insecurity, a craving for attention, or feelings of abandonment by their own parents.
Having babies isn't addictive in the way that alcohol and narcotics can be. But [women] can feel compelled to procreate for many of the same reasons that substance abusers turn to booze or drugs.
"Women who are obsessed with being pregnant are literally filling an emptiness inside of them, just as alcoholics and drug addicts use substances to fill a psychological void," says psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M. D.
Boston psychiatrist Keith Ablow, M. D., says some women seem to view having more children as an alternative to addressing their own personal problems. "Bearing another child can sometimes provide a substitute for deciding on a career path, making a marriage work, or even wrestling with questions of self-worth," Ablow says.
And the baby fix can become a cycle. When an infant becomes a more independent toddler, "the mom may feel abandoned and act quickly to fill the void again with a new baby who will rely upon her and her partner and define their lives," Lieberman says.
Then there's the constant attention you garner from others when you're bursting with child. ...It's not hard to understand why: People smile at you, throw you baby showers, buy you lots of gifts. ....Spouses and partners dote on you, gladly delivering soup at 10 a. m. or antacids at 11 p. m.
BINGO! I have also diagnosed
BINGO! I have also diagnosed SD and hits the nail on the head since she fits the bill. You cant tell me that she also didnt drag innocent kids for her own selfish agenda, to fulfull her needs, which, guess what, are never met, yet these kids are used as some of leverage. Its just sick
Kids are true victims, IMO.
How in the world can anyone of sound mind make these kinds of choices? No one, that's who.
Sound mind means contemplating your choices & actions, considering the results of those actions, and selflessly thinking about who it may affect and how.
True narcissists don't do any of those things.
They certainly dont do any of
They certainly dont do any of those things. The problem is that people like our SD's always just explain away and justify their shit choices thinking its going to convince any one else with half a brain. Always can be counted on to skirt the issue , come up with a "reason" for everything. They can spin Anything in the name of accepting complete and true accountability.
No doubt if SD passes, her
No dout if SD passes, her mommy will gnash her teeth and tear her hair blaming daddy for the demise of the Skid. With no recognition that this young woman has made every effort to unalive herself.
BM is just as bad if not worse, Rags.
BM is the one who had "baby fever" into her 50s and married a guy 25 years her junior, with ideations of having another kid. (According to SD anyway.) That didn't happen.
IMO, BM and SD are so enmeshed that BM was probably VERY encouraging that SD has a bunch of kids. BM undoubtedly funded all the fertility treatments and adoption costs. BM has dangled funds encouraging SD to get a larger house and larger vehicles needed for a big family. So she is funding it.
Why any mother would be doing this when her kid has such health issues and risks boggles the mind. I think the only explanation is that BM and SD are both narcissists and feed off each other.
Who knows? Maybe BM is so twisted she thinks she will get to raise SD's kids if she has an untimely demise. She certainly made it clear that SHE was the ultimate and only parent with her own kids, maybe she thinks that's transferrable to the next generation.
I wouldn't put anything past these two twisted f'cks.
Nobody has mentioned the
Nobody has mentioned the father in all this. He's just as guilty. And he's the one who will be raising the kids should the worst happen. How can he be ok with this?
It does take two to tango!
Yes Merry, there is a whole 'nother story there.
SD's DH is a box of rocks. Truly. He came from an extremely dysfunctional family with substance abuse and neglect. He did not finish high school and was living in a relative's spare room when he met SD. He was working for a retail outlet and was paid a bit above minimum wage. He was in his late 20s.
He can be attractive when he cleans up and dresses up (which isn't often) but the minute he opens his mouth he is loud, obnoxious and dim witted. He doesn't even know basic U.S. geography let alone countries in the world, nor is his vocabulary in-line with an adult.
I'm not faulting him for any of this, to be clear. He is a product of his environment and that is not his fault. He does try to cover it all up with a lot of false bravado and blustery b.s. which is tiring, because he assumes others (me and my SO?) are stupid and believe whatever he spews.
He is OK with all this baby-making risk because he was bought and paid for by SD and BM. And this was exactly their plan, IMO.
SD (and BM by proxy) got a guy she could manipulate with her trust money and her large professional salary, and she knew he'd toe the line. He is not going to go against whatever is demanded of him - he sure wouldn't want to go back to living in a spare room. Having a large suburban home, expensive cars, recreational vehicles, etc. has been like winning the lottery.
Being a sperm donor was part of the deal. I'm quite certain if something happens to SD, then BM will step in and take over the kids. He will just dance to her tune from then on.
Oh my g*d. That's all I've
Oh my g*d. That's all I've got.