Your SO needs to understand that you don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to do. You have set boundaries, and those are non-negotiable. 

I'd actually PRINT out that event and hand it to him. "Know about this? Of course not. But YOU want ME to do stuff for these kids??"

Listen loud and clear, SO....NO! Then leave the room.

He's treating YOU as the child by telling you what you MUST do. Will he punish you if you don't obey? Because that's messed up.

If my DH told me that I had to do something, that would be the one thing I would not do, argument or not. But I'm that kind of stubborn. 

Seriously, who does he think he is?

If only he parented his kids like he's trying to parent you.

Eff him.

I think he is grasping now.. Because he's already lost his kids and wants to hang on even tighter? Just a guess. I think he wants the family to all be together but how he goes about it does not work. He needs more boundaries with the kids and less with you. 

giving me an uneasy feeling. His refusal to listen to what you're saying and going right on telling you what you're going to do smacks of a control freak. I honestly think he sounds crazed. He can't control anyone else in his life so he's bullying you.

I know you don't think he would ever physically hurt you but be careful. And keep a packed overnight bag in your car. 

the high school is having the meet the players celebration tonight for the community

Are you in a town that values school sports? Some places have articles about things like this in the local paper. My town is not particularly sport crazy, but we have a weekly free paper that covers things like this. There would at the very least be a picture or two of the celebration. If there is, I'd pick up a copy and leave it where he'd find it. 

Wow, just wow. He's projecting on you for sure.

My suggestion is to just keep your cool. No arguing back to him. Simply state "No, I am not doing that." Repeat and repeat. No explanation. An argument will feed his frustration. Keep stone cold.

As for the event. Don't say ONE word or drop any hints at all. It's 100% on him, not you to track this stuff.

Just tell him no and then don't discuss it anymore. Don't try and justify your reasons, that will just lead to an arguement. As far as the banquet, either tell him about it ahead of time or don't ever tell him. It would mean to bring it up later to hurt his feelings when you knew about it before.

I would remind him of your agreement. Be firm. Remind him what he told you. Ask what's up. Why he isn't honoring what he said or doing the things he promised... Ask where to go from there. He's not living up to what he promised you 

I agree that this is Ridiculous and I am infuriated on your behalf. Who the hell is HE to order you around like that with HIS creations like you are the wayward child instead. IIsnt is just so awesome when they still think that your involvement is HIS decision to make? How they will ignore or stomp all over your boundaries yet still except You to bow down to their wishes? Talk about delusions which you dont have to feed into.  I dont think so, It doesnt work out that way.  know its easier said than done, but its time to keep digging your heels in even deeper and don't back down. IM sorry but when you directly tell someone that you are uncomforable about something , especially if you have more than once, then They dont get to tell you to feel differently or pressure you to change your mind,,it becomes manipulative at that stage

The BM will fully PAS out the skids, and once that completes he will turn around and blame YOU for it, possibly getting physical.  Please tell me that he doesn't have a short fuse or a temper.  Because if he does you will most definitely be the scapegoat as you can see signs of it right now.  Ask me how I know this.

You are an adult. He doesn't get to decide what you do.

I agree. Don't let him control you. Tell him your boundary stands. He created this

Guess what- no one has told my SO. He doesn't even know this is going on. I won't tell him, but why would I want to be around kids who have no respect to tell their dad these things. 
 

Narcissistic types and Disney parents (idk if your SO is one or not I'm just saying)  see their kids as "extensions" and so if you don't want to (rightfully so) be around their kids they internalize it as "she hates my kids and hates me" (instead of realizing their lackadaisical parenting style creates poorly behaved spawns that eff up every shred of peace we have in our homes and lives so naturally we'd want to avoid people like that --- but logically the people to avoid would be the bio parents bc the kids are simply doing as they've been taught)

I wouldn't even try to explain my standpoint if I were you (unless y'all attend therapy or have open communication) .... and simply say NO!!!

The more you try to rationalize, debate, or argue the more he will dig his heels in 

Something about like 90% of men pretend not to understand the word NO (final answer) 

This is in part why I am not a supporter of disengagement. I find full envolved confrontation of toxic a far better model.  

I make it clear what the requirements for compliance to behavioral and performance standards are for those in my life.  I would have gone full "pull your head out of your ass and listen" on DH if I were you.

He does not dictate what you will do and not do and his attempt to dictate should result in him living with your foot firmly up his ass regarding his controling his spawn and his X to your standards.  No interface and controlled boundaries are not disengagement. 

For some reason disengagement seems to far more often than it should include ignoring the opposition rather than managing the opposition effectively. Or holding the prior breeder partner with the failed family baggage accountable for managing their failed faily baggage to prevent invasion of the quality of life of their mate. 

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