You are exactly the age you are supposed to be. You will be the same age if he stays or if he goes. If he stays, you will just be this age dealing with his crap and his daughter's crap. I don't know if you want biological children, but you don't have any with him so if he leaves, you have lost nothing as far as that goes.

I was lying awake last night wondering why it feels like such a loss to become single, even if the relationship you are in sucks. I think it's programmed into us, either by society or biology. But some relationships are BAD for us. We are worse in them. Worse than single!

Also, about that - no matter how old you are, you can still find a partner. People find love at all ages. I read a story about a couple who met and married after both were over 100. It is hard to break up, and insulting when you are the one broken up with, but you are so miserable with this guy. Reading your previous posts, could being single be any worse than what you describe in your posts? 

Also, please don't take the meds in the fridge. Please don't do anything to harm yourself. I'm probably decades older than you and i have learned that the best medicine for the way you feel now is time. Let time pass. Take deep breaths. You WILL feel better than you feel now, i promise! 

PB, that man has dulled your shine with his narcissistic ways. Life will improve without him and his terrible treatment of you. He has been using you. You deserve so much better!

At my lowest point (or one of the lowest points), I remember lying in bed and thinking, "What can I do right now? What do I have the energy for?" My answer at that moment was, "Breathe." And I thought, "Ok. I can breathe. I'll do that right now and let whatever it is --God, the Universe, whatever--guide me through my daily actions until I can put in more effort."  

Go home and BREATHE. Cry. Call a hotline. Reach out to family and friends. You have no idea what is in store for you in one week, one month, one year, one decade. Don't give up on that!

I am living proof that you can put the light back in your eyes after a breakup. I was nearly destroyed by my second ex husband. I was an anxious shell of a person after 4 years with him and his troubled teen/young adult sons. My hair was falling out. I had no joy. It took me a few months of healing, journaling, therapy, bawling my eyes out, drinking way too much wine and then pursuing the things I knew would make me happy to reignite the fire inside of me. I'm just out of ANOTHER relationship (the end of my third serious relationship) and it was hard, but I thankfully never lost my spark in this last relationship.

You can channel what you're feeling and use it to find a way back to yourself.

I know the pain is so great that you think the only solution is not being around, but you'd be missing on out on your comeback, and I'll wager there are a lot of people who would be devastated if you weren't around. Stay around, because you don't want other people to be heartbroken. If you can't do it for yourself, then stay because you don't want to break their hearts.

It may be hard to believe right now, but this pain you're feeling is temporary. Don't make a permanent mistake because of temporary pain.

((Hugs))

PS - I'm almost 60 and a gray-haired "old" woman. I KNOW I will find love again because I see people WAY older than me finding love.

Please call an emergency helpline and an ambulance! Your life is worth so much more than this!

Hope you're okay. 
 

You may want to have someone take you to the ER. 

Pick up the phone and call emergency services. You will not regret it. 

I know! Cliche but its true.

As horrible as you feel right now, Im here to tell you that where theres life there is still hope.

Please call medics! Please stay with us!!! Call someone call anyone.

You can't know if you were a good wife or not because you didn't have a good husband. And I guarantee your parents and siblings don't feel that way about you. Please pick up the phone and call emergency services. Time can heal so, so much. But you have to give time the opportunity to work.

PB is in Turkey. I'll message Dawn with her location, but have no idea how that country handles things. *sorry2*

I reached out to a couple of places with the info I have. Pray.

Thank you for letting us know. I'm very glad you're still with us!

Fortunately​​​​, you are still with us. We care about you, PB.

We were so worried. We are here for you to vent or seek advice. Things will get better. 

I am so relieved that you're still with us. I woke up several times in the night worrying about you. I hope and pray that you can use this time to seek support. You deserve to move on and have a wonderful life. Please keep posting here so we'll know that you're okay, we can help you through the hard days. 

Good news! Now for a plan to be put in place for you to get back to being who you really are!