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The Accountant - Is this a better way to deal with spectrum people?

Rags's picture

I use this movie as a way to get my bride to walk away from her tax season Star Ship Enterprise  home office on the weekends. When it is on, I watch it, after a few minutes DW brings her laptop to the living room, sits with me, and does bean counter shit while getting into the movie. After not too long, the laptop times out and kicks her out of the work software, and she watches the movie.


Evil, I know.  Though my intentions are good.  She needs a mental break, and I get to crush on her while holding hands watching Ben Affleck get his accounting assassin on.

Which leads me to a question.  Is it better to estalish and enforce behavioral and performance standards on kids, even special needs kids, or is it better to cater to their stuff?

I know, a binary black and which question.  I am not looking for a binary this or that answer though.  I am interested in what needs to be done to support a special needs/spectrum kid/kidult to facilitate the best life for them and for their family.  Since most diseases and syndromes do not just impact the one who has them.

So, what are the answers?


Winterglow's picture

I firmly believe that if you cater to them that you are doing them a massive disservice. You should encourage them, nay push them, to aim high. Try to make their lives as "standard" as possible. Never decide that anything is too hard or complicated for them. Let THEM find their limits by striving to go beyond. 

I also believe that their independence should be cultivated. I have twin daughters, one of whom has Down Syndrome.  She lives in a group home where similar principles are applied and she adores the place. We have also ensured that her sister will not be her keeper. When we are gone, she will only have to sign permission papers every 5 years. They both have their lives to live. They are both  fond of each other and enjoy spending time together. I  don't want either to be a burden for the other, yes they're twins but they are individuals first and foremost. 

Rags's picture

You're choking me up Winterglow.  Yes, yes, yes.

Cray 2

Happy tears.

Your girls are blessed to have you as their mom.  The proof is in your example in parenting them successfully with their disparate needs and capabilities.

Thanks for amplifying my confirmation bias on this topic.


Though he was not Dx'd until in his late 20s, SS-31 is ADHD.  I like to think that even if he had been Dx'd as a minor we would have not changed the standards we held for behavior and performance when we were raising him.

He is doing well in his USAF career though he is about to have the standing hit we have out on him reactivated if he does not give his mom proof of life soon.  He is a call once every 2mos+/- person which drives everone who loves him nuckin futz.

Thanks for being you.

Give rose

AgedOut's picture

I don't have the personal experience to offer more than my opinion. I'll admit first that the title drew me in, it's a movie we own and occasionally watch because for some reason I like it and also like Ben Affleck as an actor and the Mr thinks that Pitch Perfect girl is cute. 

I think it's important to not baby or be so worried of the world scaring them that you never let them learn to live. Each one has a seperate potential and it's important most of all to accept that you too are human. You will make mistakes, if one thing doesn't work, try another. Ask for help if you need it, ask for time for yourself to think and breathe.

I think it's important to encourage our children to grow to their best potential, no matter their circumstances. This is kind of off topic but I raised two sons.

One with ADHD that caused him struggles, the other who is possibly the smartest person I've ever met or know and who soared from Kindergarten up through college..

And somehow we made it to where we are now, two opposites raised by a solo mom who struggled with how to encourage them to each reach their potential.

My older son, w/ ADHD, had it rough in school and was medicated for it. Te teachers were grateful.  But for HS he chose to stop meds and work with myself, his teachers, his doctor and his coaches and he managed to find the lane best suited for him. It took a damn village and a half. He's a Mailman now. Perfect job for him, like having several different jobs all in one day. He thrives with the changes. None of it would have happened if he'd been so protected that he never grew. He chose his route, we just helped him focus on it. Part of him succeeding was him trying, struggling, then trying again. 



Rags's picture

For us, it is all of those things... and .... DW is a CPA so a bad ass accountant adds some appeal. I agree with your Mr.  Pitch Perfect girl does have a thing....

Thanks for your perspective on parenting special needs kids.  My SS-31 is medicated which has done wonders for his focus and to minimize anxiety.

AgedOut's picture

To be honest, and maybe it's my age, but he was never considered special needs. I'm trying to think back and I don't think anyone was given that label/name back then. I wasn't sure about my son coming off meds, we just let him try to do it. I wish he had found the right mix of meds because I really think it would have helped him in the long run. His dad is still medicated at age 58 (I think) and I think it helped him succeed to the point he's at. I'm a big fan of using the medications if possible. 

ESMOD's picture

My perspective is that the world is unllikely to make many accomodations for people.  People should be encouraged to achieve as much as they are capable of doing.. and while I understand that there may be some level of support a person might need.. the real world is likely a crueler place to learn about reality than from your loving family. 

And.. I get that there are some people who may never have the ability to achieve independent living... and that there are programs and places that can best support them.. and it isn't necessarily in a completely mainstream life.. 

Unfortunately, many disabilities are not necessarily readily apparent.. so when a person is not acting as we would expect.. people can make judgements... like the kids who appear out of control and unparented.. who knows.. sometimes they are.. sometimes they are doing the best they can?

I recently flew on a plane.. and there was a toddler that decided to say "hello... HI".. in a really loud voice.. that was cute the first three people they said it to... but it got old.. and the parents said nothing.. no "Ok Honey.. we have said hello already"  " Ok.. time to use our inside voice".  nothing.. 

Elea's picture

As a parent to high-functioning spectrum individuals as well as having many close relatives on the spectrum I would say that their abilities are different than other's. Not better or worse, just different. They are highly gifted in certain areas, far higher than I or most other people could ever dream of being. If correctly harnessed they can offer abilities far beyond a typical-abled person's abilities. In areas where they excel, they will work harder, longer and faster than typical-abled people.

I would say that being on the spectrum is a gift but it comes with a lot of challenges.

The challenges are mostly in social areas. Things like correctly interpreting facial experessions, communication, envisioning and planning for the future, understanding tricky people, being too honest and trusting.

These things can be taught but if they are being taught the opposite by a trusted parent then that can really confuse a spectrum individual to the point that they may never learn or master these skills. In the worst case scenarios they can develop irrational phobias and radicalized views or harmful behaviors.

I believe people on the spectrum would benefit from being given certain protections. Many people have no clue what being on the spectrum looks like and will harshly judge them. Other people have some understanding of their ablities and will use them for their own personal gain or take advantage.

I am not sure how all of this applies to the work place. I am sure there are people who know a lot more about that than I do. This is only my view from my close interactions with high-functioning (asperger) people on the spectrum.