Social Services — How worried should I be?
BM has informed partner today that her health visitor will be speaking to the social services and that they’re going to want to make a house visit round ours.
She claims the HV said there’s nothing wrong with her parenting or how she is coping with things, the reason she’s apparently wanting the social services involved is due to BM’s partners dog being in the home and BM and my partner not getting on (they don’t argue in front of the kids and he has never weaponised the children either). Sounds like half a story to me, I had social in and out of my life as a child and when they were acting on concerns round my mothers house, they never once asked for a home visit at my fathers.
My concern, while with the skids and the potential of being rehomed, is obviously my 14 week old daughter also. Will they look into her or just the older two? I keep asking why they would be making a visit to our home if the issue, as BM claims, is with a dog and how they get along? What has she said, and what isn’t she telling him?
Do I keep my mouth shut when they inevitably ask why I stopped helping BM with child care when my partner is at work? Or do I tell them, well actually she has said multiple times she doesn’t trust me around the kids (despite how many times I have had them for her), tells the children that she hates me and I’m a nasty person, and made de*th wishes about myself and my daughter.
Do I bring up the list of times she has neglected skids hygiene, used them as weapon, put her wants before their needs?
How do I prepare for something like this?
Do not give BM's delusions
Do not give BM's delusions more credence than they warrant. Have your information clearly documented and organized, call your lawyer.
If you have documentation, pics, etc... regarding hygiene issues, health issues, abandonment issues, etc... perpetrated by BM, then yes, bring it up. Make sure you have supporting information and not just blather and verbal diarhea whining. No doubt, that is what BM will do. Don't do that.
Do it right.
This smells like bullshit to me. However, do not fail to be prepared just in case.
BM's doggy drama related crap with the Skid in her home, is not your issue. Make sure your home is clean, safe, and always ready for a drop in by CPS/etc since you know BM is who she is. Make sure the documented facts are readily available to reference and show just in case BM can actually motivate an official visit.
We owned the SpermClan's idiot asses for the 16+ years we lived under the Custody/Visitation/Support CO because we had it all documented and organized. They had crap for nothing. When we went to court, we submitted reems of information as supoenaed by the courts. They came in with two weeks worth of spay stubs at most and a bunch of whining and tears. Part of what we brought was comprehensive public records on the Spermidiot and the SpermClan (Arrest records, marriage records, divorce records, employer information, pay scales for plumbers in his county of residence, plumbers licensing information from the State, etc.....). We knew they would not bring shit. So we used that as an opportunity to bare their asses and provide to the DA and Court information on the SpermClan that the SpermClan did not want brought forward. Or maybe they were just that stupid and lazy. But for sure, we told the story we wanted told which highlighted their bullshit. We also brought every bit of our own information (redacted to not provide the SpermClan with anything we did not want them to have while complying with the requests by the DA and Court).
This is a long term campaign. Make sure you are documenting and managing it all as a long term campaign. What you document on day one will one day have a big impact on something they try to pull. If the DA/Courts do not know, they cannot consider it. So, make sure you force it all into consideration.
Being prepared is a huge reducer of anxiety and stress.
It worked wonders for us in protecting the best interests of my SS and our family.
Good luck.
Stupidly, neither of us ever
Stupidly, neither of us ever kept photo evidence of things, and partner deleted his texts when he blocked BM's number number so any proof of him pulling her up on things is gone... I have a written lists of things, dated, that have happened and things she's neglected to do like put SS eczema cream on, make sure SD is wiping after the toilet, making sure they're leaving the house with underwear on, brushing SDs hair and not just sending her into school with the same messy plaits from the night before that I had done... the list is endless just now there's just no proof so it's all he said she said
BM's health visitor? What is
BM's health visitor? What is a health visitor?
I'm confused. I've heard of children's services workers, case workers, etc. Those might visit the other home. I've never heard of a health visitor unless it was a visiting nurse or an aide sent by a doctor for serious illness. Neither of these would have the authority visit the other home.
Of course some people word things to not let you know what is going on. OSD told us the baby was with 'the nurse' when in reality children's services had taken custody.
Health Visitor is someone who
Health Visitor is someone who comes round to check on baby and mum! BM is pregnant... She has had a woman checking in on her who has been reporting back to the health visiting team who are now involving the social services
Thank you for the
Thank you for the clarification. If I had checked your location, it would have cleared up my confusion.
Sounds to me that BM is telling a tale to both health visitor and you. Thus social service involvement. There has to be more than BM is letting on for social services to be involved.
Easy to say, but don't stress too much. BM may say they are coming to your home, but that does not mean they are. I would not take her word as gospel.
I'm not up on these thing but
I'm not up on these thing but how does a health visitor to her house, because of her pregnancy, become a social searvices visit to yours?
This was the first thing I
This was the first thing I asked my partner when he mentioned it to me this afternoon. The reasonings she's given do not warrant a social call to our home. Unless she had made him out to be an unfit parent, which she's adamant she hasn't. She was in care when she was younger so wouldn't risk saying anything to prevent the kids from being able to be rehomed with us and ending up in the system.
He dropped skids home at bed time this evening and BM has turned around and said well actually they haven't said they're going to make a visit to yours... I'm left just as confused as I was before. I'm not taking any chances though--it's been said so I'll be getting myself prepared just in case.
I'm thinking the health
I'm thinking the health visitor found something concerning at her house. or she's just chock full of crap.
Yep, the health visitor is a
Yep, the health visitor is a mandated reporter. Maybe the dog bit or almost bit a child or something else concerning happened during a visit. Social workers don't visit because mom & dad (who are divorced) don't get along. They visit because of abuse and neglect.
This is what i keep telling
This is what i keep telling my partner, there's something she's not saying
I'm not sure how things go in
I'm not sure how things go in the UK, but in the US the expectation is that the home is clean and orderly, fridge and cupboards stocked with nutritious food, no alcohol, tobacco, or drugs, and the children are clean and well fed.
That's generally how it is
That's generally how it is over here also! Alcohol and tobacco out of sight and reach, full fridge and cupboards, clothes on their backs and a place to sleep
Why would they be coming to your home.
You did nothing wrong. There's no complaint about you. I would NOT let these people in with out some paperwork explaining what they want. Since there is no complaint against you, or how your house is run. No one enters my home. Do not give them ammunition against you. BM Problems are BM problems, what I don't believe any nonsense about a dog. If BM is picking a diog instead of her kids. She needs more help then you get here.
"Do I keep my mouth shut when
"Do I keep my mouth shut when they inevitably ask why I stopped helping BM with child care when my partner is at work?"
There's nothing inevitable about that question at all. You are under absolutely no obligation to "help" BM on her time. You are her ex's wife, not her unpaid babysitter. This question should not be raised and if it is, ask why they think it's your job to do her any favours. If she needs help, she should be looking towards her own family and friends.
The advice I got when we
The advice I got when we thought we were going to have a visit (in USA but maybe it still applies generally..) was to be cooperative and polite. I think this is key.
The time when a social worker did visit we got a phone call that day to set up the visit then she came over and spoke to us about the situation, read a statement that the school nurse who contacted them had written and gave us an opportunity to respond. She talked to sd in her room on her own.
Our house was clean and tidy (not that I think that is vital I think safe is the what they are checking for, clean and tidy just makes the situation look better) except for sd's room but we just told the social worker that sd was a teen who didn't tidy and didn't wash herself frequently.
I think we handled things pretty well. Things I'd do differently next time are to ask to read the statement as well as have it read to me as I think I misunderstood what we were being accused of and thought that there were accused of physical abuse. I would also try very hard to only answer the question asked and not go on a tangent and potentially open up more questions.
As it was the process was followed and they found no evidence of neglect (we were accused of not having taken sd to see any medical proefessonal for two years...complete nonsense soon confirmed by doctor, dentist, optometrist, pshychologyist and psychiatrist...).
Sounds like an empty threat
made by an unstable person. None of this makes sense, don't even pay any attention to it.
Keeping your house relatively clean and tidy is a good idea anyway, and if anyone ever contacts arranging a visit, ask to send you details for you to consider in writing so that you can ensure to be at home at the time of their visit. Don't allow anyone to put you under pressure to agree to anything on the spot. Only police with a search warrant can expect to be allowed in immediately, everyone else knows very well that people work, have appointments and obligations to attend and can't be receiving visitors at the drop of a hat.
The fact that the health visitor is getting social services involved with the BM tells me that they're considering removing baby at birth, which isn't done easily (no government has spare money for raising irresponsible people's children), and only happens where they believe the baby is at serious risk of harm due to either abuse or neglect at even the first months of its life. That's BM and her associate, not you.