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ExSS Nastygram (Blocked 2022 text msg)

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 3:52pm

Got a new phone yesterday, and while customizing settings this morning, saw that I had 9 blocked text msgs from exH that transferred over, and 2 blocked text msgs from exSS, now almost 24. Stupid me, I read'em.

The msgs from exH were all "I miss you" flavor. The two from exSS23, who got kicked out from my home in late August 2018 (as documented here) were:

  • February 2022: "Is any of my mail at your house?"
  • March 2022: "Just found out I have to pay an extra $200 on a ticket because the notice was sent to your house. Its my fault for not changing that sooner, but your still a CUNT. [Happy face blowing kiss emojee + flip-off finger emojee] Have a nice life you lonly, sad fucking person. [Hand waving emojee]"

Well bless his little heart. So glad I had them blocked & never read (or knew they'd texted) until today. Documenting it here because I'm not gonna lie - reading that from exSS made me cry & brought back a lot of memories. However, I decided I will pray for exSS every day when I clean the kitten litter boxes, since the literal sh*t will serve as a reminder. My tears were sadness for exSS, who I love in my heart and grieve that caring people are just tools for him to use, abuse, and discard... just like his bioparents. It wasn't surprising, just sad. 

Also posted this for the newer STers who may, like I did, hope things get better after 18 & that your love, sacrifices, efforts, and kindness to manipulative user skids will one day be appreciated. Nope. 

Status: BLOCKED on my new phone too.

Comments

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Submitted by 1st3rd5thWEInHell on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 4:22pm

I followed your blogs and Im glad you were able to get out unscathed and without too much lost financially despite your ex money grab attempts

You are better than me because it would have taken everything in me not to reply to your SS that he is still an mf loser so it balances out!

Keep ignoring to avoid drawing back attention to yourself, they are probably on the prowl for their next victim...

I wouldnt pray for a person like that unless its for them to go to hell or have their payback for what they did to me but again thats just me, maybe you are more mature and understanding

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 10:07pm

that she didn't say to whom she was praying...

Diablo

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 11:18pm

Winterglow you are hilarious!

I'm praying for exSS what I want for myself: wisdom, peace, growth, happiness, maturity, abundance. I'd tried to teach him about the benefits of honesty, owning your part, kindness, making amends for our own wrongdoings, etc. My sadness was in reading him blame-shifting & using his failure as a reason to write something nasty & disrespectful to me; acting just like his nasty bio-mom.

At the time he wrote that, exSS was six months into living with my now-exH in a small apartment (and the divorce was more than a year from being final), two months after I cut all communication with his dad via my divorce attorney, so I guarantee they were talking MAJOR sh*t about me on the daily (=alllll their struggles & discomfort = StepUltimate's fault!). Both exH & exSS are hot-heads so the nastygram was his misery wanting my company. 

INVITATION DECLINED!

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Submitted by 1st3rd5thWEInHell on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 11:55pm

Lmao @ winterglow thats right who knows!!

@stepultimate thats really sweet of you for your SS....I dont have that level of maturity and hold silent grudges lol although i heard that keeping hate inside for someone makes you age and die faster so perhaps i should work on it like you and be more mature about it

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 5:26pm

More proof that you are so much better off without them around. Imagine still living with that no good a-hole. Both of them probably. Every day. (Shudder.) 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 02/06/2024 - 3:10am

Super validating! 

Reactivate blocking.

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 7:07pm

Sorry, StepUltimate, that the little shithead made you cry. Nevertheless, your remark:

~ However, I decided I will pray for exSS every day when I clean the kitten litter boxes, since the literal sh*t will serve as a reminder. ~

Made me laugh heartily. I've also followed your blogs from the get-go and join with the others in congratulating you for escaping from a hopeless domestic situation. You are, truly, an inspiration to other steppers who need to free themselves.

Give rose

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 7:17pm

The beauty of flushing the shit is... it is gone. Though upon occassion some stench of their sewer gas lives will waft through.

I am sorry they wafted through.

Take care of you.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 02/03/2024 - 8:44pm

Thanks for the comments. I am okay, having processed this and talked to good friends about it today. I actually started counseling two weeks ago for the 1st time in 12 years (the three pre-divorce marriage counselors don't count) so I can improve myself and move forward. 

I forgive exSS, regardless if he's even sorry (wouldn't hold my breath). Becaue I am a real person, with genuine kindness, and sensitive feelings. I don't want to hold grudges, hang onto resentments, get even, or enjoy the suffering of others.

One way I'm different from 12 years ago when I met exH is that I have more discernment and boundaries - I am not here to rescue or fix anyone. I can be generous or charitable or encouraging without taking on another person's problems (like I did with my exH by moving him in 3 months into the relationship, when he was 2 months behind on his rent AND on his child support). Ways I'm still feeling broken from the relationship with my exH and exSS is in being hyper-jaded and wary - very untrusting of others but primarily myself. Why did I fall for someone who had blown up his two prior marriiages, his career, his prior jobs, and the business he'd started... all of which he blamed on others? Why didn't I see his past as prologue to my future with him? Why did I buy his line about "You make me want to be a better man"? Why did I not file for divorce the 1st time he raged at me & told me to divorce him, instead if 3 years later? Why did I get involved with and married to a man with two failed marriages under his belt and a raging temper plus selfish, foolish entitlement spending similar to my raging alcoholic father had? How did I go through years and years of counseling and 12-step eating disorder recovery plus several years of Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings yet still get myself into this mess?

Lots to work on. 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sun, 02/04/2024 - 5:01am

Since I'd done so much work, why did I still connect with this person? He is not an alcoholic but the rage, selfishness, manipulation to get what he wants... different style but same b.s. antics of my dad. Covert/Vulnerable Narcissists. 

I'm super jaded now. I've had nightmares nearly every night the past few years; grind my teeth during sleep. The stress of the failed marriage, lengthy divorce (still paying off & my only debt) has impacted my health,  The most recent blocked text from exH was December & he still drives by; its like I will never stop being punished for involving myself with exH. I have PTSD & am hypervigilsnt about checking all gray trucks to make sure it's not him (=exH traded in the 2019 midlife crisis car in 2022 for a brand new truck of the same make). I am planning to move out of state later this year. I started counseling recently because I'm still not okay. I'm relieved but still feel stunned at how I got into and stayied in a sick situation for three years - from the 1st "Eff you, get a divorce" from exH (August 2018) until I filed for divorce (late September 2019). The lengthy divorce was final April 2023. I had to pay exH and am still paying off my divorce attorney & forensic accountant debt. I don't feel free yet due to that...[although glad THEY got way more $$ than my exH did] yet this dude still driving by & texting me. 

Hence the lack of trust in myself. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 02/04/2024 - 1:13pm

Thats a tough one.

I am seeing that forgiveness is for me, not anyone else. You have to learn to forgive yourself, for jumping into something that is detrimental to your health and well being.

Im still reviewing things over here. Im getting stronger, but there is still a LOT of work to do. You are much stronger than you were 12 years ago...

And your ex still doing drive by - is there something you can do in the meantime of moving? No wonder you are feeling anxious!

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 05/25/2024 - 11:39pm

Last month (April 2024) I paid off the last $3,204 on the credit card I'd used for my divorce attorney & forensic accountant. Can't remember if I'd posted that update, but it is healing and freeing to have that over with. Now I'm 100% DEBT. FREE! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 02/04/2024 - 8:23am

It does something to your life to hold a grudge.  Disengagement / disengaging. As I really don't think about these people anymore. They are out of my life for good or better for you. 
You can't change them. You are not going to change .  Basic cross roads.   Hope things go well for you.  You got out. That a start a big start