Photographs/proudness children etc
Bit of a strange question I suppose, but definately bought up uncomfortable feelings so I feel those with blends may have best opinions. I've always felt more emphasis on relationship preservation from my partner to his previous children than ours baby quality time. Always put it down to the drama with ex's etc causing conflict and jealousy alienation panics etc. But now I'm looking more within the relationship as I've taken a step back and began to look inward and try to work through anything that comes up.
one of the things I always felt is that partner will say he can't be bothered with or rarely uses social media but then first chance he has posts his children from first relationship. Our son is 2 and half. I'm not particularly bothered if he uses social media but it more feels like he avoids posting our own sons achievements and moments unless his kids are included. His teenager is usually sending messages he's a rubbish dad etc to me so I had to disconnect from her so that she wasn't being triggered by trivial life things. It was so much an issue last year on a couple days away where I had surgery and partner came to support me with our son in tow cause I didn't want to be without him and we had no babysitter to cover. He lost his temper when I mentioned he never shares nice things about our son... and then he put one photo up of him. At the time my own mum commented where are all the photos as she just of noticed he doesn't share anything.
Yesterday was our sons first time trick or treating and I was super excited. I sent him his cute photos etc and he just opened them. Today his other son he took to his first football game. I anticipates it and low and behold a proud square declaring the moment....
this made me scroll back to see if I'm really paranoid or it's actually true. I counted how many posts he dedicated to our son for anything at all. He had 4 in 2021 including his birth announcement, 1 in 2022 and 1 so far this year. His other son 7 times this year and the other children in similar doses. I'm not imagining it, what I don't understand is if this is normal in blended families. I'm receiving it as a lack of care for our son and his experience with 5 half brother and sisters coming in and out his life. Like is he only important when one of the other children are there?
thanks for getting to here!!
You are not immagining this. Your DH is fully failed family &
SKid centric. Enmeshed is an extreme understatement regarding this guy and his infatuation with his failed family.
You and your son, are also rans at best, if you are considered at all.
My condolences.
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You and your joint children with DH are not equal priorities to
his prior family progeny. Or even his XW.
The term "also ran" is in reference to the losing positions in a race. As in "they also ran" but did not win or even make the podium.
IMHO, it is neither second wife territory nor is it you being too lenient territory. It is failed father and failed mate territory when it applies to your DH. He is failing his wife, he is failing your joint children, and he is even failing his failed first family progeny. He is not demonstrating confident man behavior, he is not demonstrating confident behavior as a father, and he is not modeling the behaviors of a quality husband.
About the only person he isn't failing is ilikely his XW since he isn't keeping her firmly in her place.
You are his now and his future. All BM has, is his past. You need to keep his nose firmly scrubbed in that truth and make damned sure your own children are experiencing a quality father and not the trainwreck that has raised the Skids.
IMHO.
My guess (going off the
My guess (going off the limited knowledge I have from this post) is he's afraid to post pictures of your kid together. He's afraid if he does skids will act up, act jealous, retaliate in some way. Maybe BM is encouraging that behavior too.
It's very common for BMs to pit their kids against their father "Oh look at your POS dad he's got a NEW family. I feel so sorry for you! He doesn't care about you, but don't worry because MOMMY has always got your back" Even if the pictures of skids outnumber your baby 10 to 1, they'll pick out that one picture and use it to their advantage.
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Pfft
Even if this is the reason, it is a terrible one. Sacrificing your shared child for his other ones. Not cool. And your child might not notice the difference now, but eventually they will. Perhaps you need to spell that $hit out to your husband.
Yeah not saying it's OK...
Yeah not saying it's OK... don't misunderstand me. Just a guess as to his reasoning... but again, not defending it.
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How sad
Time to have another talk with DH. Explaning you expect to see BS Halloween pictures on his social media account by the end of the day. That you expect.... like his marriage depends on it.... one social media posting of BS ever other week. You expect that you get " Happy Family " time with only. Him, you,and BS. As weekend away at Santa workshop. Christmas stuff. This is BS first Christmas he's going to remember.
'This may suck for SK. But SK also have a BM doing for them.
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do you post about your child?
do you post about your child? Maybe he feels that if you already have.. that he doesn't have to double up? Because he sees you as a joint entity... but since his isn't "joint" with his EX.. he posts more on his other kids?
It could also be a bit of compensating because he is in your and his son's daily life.. but not in his older kids? Also.. maybe he doesn't see what a toddler does as as "interesting".. as a sports team participation?
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I would just point out that
I would just point out that social media is not love. How many Posts.. the idea that life didn't happen if you don't put it on your page are in my own personal viewpoint.. stupid. Life happens.. we don't have to brag about it on social media. We can post or not post.. we still had the experience. We can take pictures for our own personal mementos.. what or how we post publicly.. it can be taken with a grain of salt..the fact that he used to do more with his other kids.. may have been more to the novelty of the platforms.. vs loving kids more.
You absolutely should not in any way align his social media with loving a kid more or less. What matters is how he treats you and his child.. whether he shows his child love.. not in some comparison way with some other time in his life.. honestly.. it's not fruitful and you are sowing your garden with resentment at this point.
If you need him to post more of your child on social media.. just point blank tell him.. so he doesn't mess up in your mind.
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If you feel your child is not
If you feel your child is not being treated the same (allowing for age appropriate differences.. aka.. if he takes the older kids ice skating and your child is an infant.. I can see why the baby might not go.. or clothing for an infant is generally cheaper than for a teen.. so you might not expect absolutely equal dollars spent).. you point THAT out.. pictures are a poor example of that for him.. he can explain that away.. but actual treatment.. if he doesn't show your child affection... etc... that is a problem
My husband is private so its only family and close friends
On Facebook. When he does post on Facebook its of me and our kids, his profile pic on whatsapp is always me and our kids.
his kids from exwife are sd27.5, ss25 and sd17.5 are never posted not since we married. Sd's because they cut off contact for 5 plus yrs and ss caused many issues first few yrs of our marriage. So its been a struggle. Sd's had 5 yrs ago called my husband and guilted him for marrying me and having 2 kids with me whilst they had cut off all contact and my husband was expected to pine for them
It's so strange how some of
It's so strange how some of these men treat their children with their second wife like they're step children instead of biochildren. It's like they're just not as important or something. (Although in some cases, step children ARE treated like bio children by step parents).
Maybe it's also just that your DH can relate more to the older kids' activities?
My DH posts more about our DD
My DH posts more about our DD than about the skids. This is natural, because he's with DD 100% of the time and with skids only part time. Also, skids are too young to be on social media and DH is not friends or followed by BM on any social media, so he doesn't need to worry about any of them seeing what he posts. He and BM have mutual friends, but BM would have to expend effort to find out what DH is posting, and she does not care - she's moved on and is in a much better spot with her 2nd husband than she ever was with DH.
Maybe your husband needs to block BM on all social media and cut back on his contact with her. How much need is there really for them to communicate? We literally go weeks without contact with BM, even with fairly young (8 and 11) skids.
You must put your foot down
"' Our son is waking up alone Christmas this year and all he's worried about is the lists that his kids are demanding "'You have to make it perfectly clear. Your family comes first. His first kids have a BM..GP. To help them. Your bio child needs his family. Your Bio child will not wake up alone. Or he can take his stuff with him. As not coming home after. You don't need a 1/2 of a DH Or 1/2 of a bio DD. THIS sh*t stops now, he choose what he going to do. Have a happy family or another failed marriage. You don't need this. It really does you no good. He the one who divorced and started a new family.