Finding it hard to be settled
Ex has created bad feeling about me with skids(14 & 17), so much so that they won't ever speak to me and come to stay.
Apparantly I have "brainwashed" their father into selling the former marital home where they grew up and have memories.
He explained to them that the selling of the house is part of the divorce settlement which he has had to wait 13 years for, and it's his money. He told his daughter to look it up online and she will see it's part of what happens and it has to be "fair" on both parties involved.
My partner has driven 3 hours this morning(leaving at 3am) to collect and take his son fishing. His son came up to ours a couple of months ago and stayed overnight on a fishing trip, but seems he has been manipulated by ex as she thought they were staying in a cabin and not with us.(with me)
So every time my partner wants to see the kids it's for a few hours/a day because they won't come here.(3 hours there and same back) So he has very limited time and not a proper relationship.
Up until about 5 years ago they came more or less every other weekend.
Step Daughter is 18 next February. No doubt there will be a grand party and I won't be invited. Not sure how to handle this anymore as I had a really good relationship with them before. The rejection and hurt is very real, and when I ask my partner how the kids are or catch a picture of them he gets defensive. I don't know what they look like now they're more grown up as I'm banned from any contact on social media too.
What makes this all worse is my partner works away all week, so only see him for the weekends.
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DH needs stop playing BM's and the SKids' game.
He should go pick them up for his COd visitation, then bring them to his home. If BM wants them back, she can come get them when DH's COd visitation time is over. BM does not get to say where DH will take his visitation. Her mistaken assumption that they were going to a cabin... has unveiled how to put her in her place. DH needs to do just that.
Many, if not most, COs require each parent to transport the child to that parent's location. If not required tby the CO do all transportation for his visitation, DH should NOT transport the children to BM following his COd visitation.
IMHO of course.
Court order violated
Thank you for your response.
Court order was trashed years ago.
Don't know when this is ever going to end!?
Partner desperately wants kids in his life so he does the running around....
Though the CO is not being followed, it still has teeth.
DIg it out of the waste bin, roll it up in a nice tube, and start beating BM with it. (Figurately of course) First... daddy needs to sit his BM pawn Spawn down and do a read through on the divorce decree/CO. Every word. They need to understand that the CO/Divorce Decree is THE law that governs the failed family. They need to know exactly what is says.
BM will lose what is left of her batshit crazy mind when DH starts rubbing her nose in the CO, firmly and regularly. The CO is also the best and often the only tool to start dragging the spawn into some semblance of rationality when it comes to their mommy and the toxic PASing guilt inducing manipulation.
Good luck.
BM
Probably would be happier if he just quit claimed the marital home over to her like the naive Chef did!
Do you really want to be involved with a guy who caters to his ex and kids? And you come dead last? Believe me it never ends Chef actually works with a guy who is afraid to date, is in his early 60s and is still catering to his ex and grown kids.
(No subject)
Correct
He letting his EX control his and your life. He not standing up to her but jumping through hoops. "" ITS ALL ABOUT CONTROL "". Ex wife is winning. He should pick up his kids it's his time. He can take the kids where he wants. Ie.. your home.
BM is. Destroying your and SO relationships. He letting her do it. You are coming in last. I would nit want to live in a house he shared with the ex and kids. Your relationship is a new relationship not a extension of his old one.. New relationship...New home...new furniture..new dishes... Are you are going to use the ex wife tooth past. ? Hell no..
Kids must understand that what happens..
Ive read through
Ive read through your past blogs and it seems like you pushed really hard for different things to happen - the divorce, fighting to see the kids.
Your partner being defensive, the kids being alienated against YOU. What happened with your partners mother? Is that situation still really bad, is she still in camp BM?
If you were an affair partner that caused the split, then you will always be seen as the home-wrecker that caused the breakup of a family. If you were not, but still pushed for divorce then you are going to be presented as the home wrecker.
It sounds like youve had a tough row to hoe, but consider that your partners lack of spine with kids and bm is also the cause of this. He is an emotional hostage to them, and willingly doesnt step up and insist that the CO be followed. Thats not much for you to work with. Time to have a discussion with your partner. He is explaining the division of marital assetts to his kids? Are the kids being inconvenienced by sale of the ex marital home? Is he paying child support and/or alimony? He can explain that stuff, he can explain all he wants, the kids wont care. All they care about is themselves and BM.
Thank you for your advice
CLove thank you for replying.
Mother in law is still communicating with ex and skids.
She has contacted 3 separate people to ask my partner and myself to get in touch with her. According g to my stepdaughter, she told my partner that nanna is very ill and can hardly walk. My partner and myself had a discussion about visiting her and I said he may regret it if he doesn't see her before she passes. We made the effort to visit. It was ok. She seemed happy we were there and said she'd love to visit us.She said she wanted to put the past behind us and look forward.I texted her the following week to say it was lovely to see her and look forward to more times together. I was blanked again. She did not reply(message was read)
My partner has explained to the kids that his money is tied in the house and it has to be fair. He's got to wait 13 years for it.
The ex can cash in her pension, or borrow from parents when the time is due, so no need to sell the house. But obviously the kids have been told a very distorted view of it.