BM and GF Are Getting Married
BM and GF are getting married next weekend. We have known about their engagement for a year or so, but didn't get the actual wedding date until a month or so ago. In that email, DH asked about arrangements for SS, which BM responded back, but didn't actually answer the question.
This brings back terrible memories of BM using her no contact order against my BIL to force her and GF's attendance at DH and my wedding to "supervise SS". Our wedding went off perfectly even with her and GF there, only for BM to make sexual assault allegations against us 8 months later, using our wedding as location of the accusation. BM on the other hand has been very secretive about her upcoming nuptials.
Tonight, DH gets an email from BM stating that tomorrow her, GF, and SS are heading 2 hours north to where GF's parents live and where the wedding is and they are staying there all of next week until the wedding, which means SS will miss an entire week of school. BM said it was already cleared by the school and since SS does so well academically, it is no big deal. I have no clue why they need to go sit up there for a whole week prior to the wedding. I could understand leaving on Wednesday or Thursday, but a whole week is insane.
She also informed DH that directly after the wedding, her and GF are heading to Europe for their two week honeymoon and won't be back until the first week of October. DH said to me, "No wonder BM claims they are broke all the time, they are both taking a whole month off work for this." Of course, BM's parents will be staying with SS for two weeks while they are gone.
I wish BM and GF the wedding and future that they both *deserve*. Sad thing is, if DH needed to pull SS out of school for a week for anything, the answer would be hell no and how dare we try to deny SS his education. It's always a double standard with these two.
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Hoping for the best
It sounds like GF has been a positive presence in SS's life so there's that.
I would be all over BM like the stink on the shit that she is.
Call in a wellness check for sexual abuse of SS at the wedding. Have the police show up during the wedding.
Once they leave for their honeymoon, go collect SS at the GPs home. DH is dad. He can get his kid from anyone other than BM I would assume.
See how BM likes being the target of her own usual games.
When the crying and anger starts, point out to GF that her new wife is a POS and this is nothing she has not pulled for years. Remind GF of their crap during your wedding. Also, if you find the wedding location, show up for the ceremony. BM and GF crashed yuurs.
Go for their throats.
I would.
BM's parents are watching SS
BM's parents are watching SS at BM's house in BM's state so SS can attend school and sports. SS isn't going to their house in our state. If he was, DH would absolutely fight BM on that.
DH has no legal or physical custody; he is only entitled to visitation per the CO. BM holds all the power all the time and we are at her mercy except for what is outlined in the CO. If DH had joint legal custody, we may have made more of a stink. We have no ability to change any of this, and going back to court isn't an option. We wasted $30k last time only to have a judge say that "BM and GF will be raising SS so just pay your CS and let the rest go." The judge also promised he would never retry the case and DH would never get more time or custody.
I personally have no interest in attending her wedding or having anything to do with her life. She has certainly wronged us in the past and done horrible things, which is why I am on this site (to process it all), but I am not going to waste my future getting revenge. Life is too short and BM and GF aren't worth it. Maybe karma will sort them out someday. We just hope that when SS is 18, he sees the writing on the wall and wants a better relationship in the future with us; if not, then all we can say is we did our best.
We had our version of the BM in your situation to deal with.
We made shredding SpermGrandHag our hobby. We got very good at it. We bared her ass until she kept her ass burried under the slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.
We protected SS and BM from the Hag and from the SpermClan.
No need to waste your future. We didn't. If anything, we protected our future and SS's future from them.
13yrs after the SS aged out from under the CO, he has a wonderful life. So do DW and I. The SpermClan, not so much. SpermGrandHag is is now a bitter old woman who is faced daily with the failures of her life. An idiot serial statutory rapist son, serial cheater of a DH, a grandaughter that she raised (Speridiot's #2) who is on the dole, a grandson she raised (Spermidiot's #3) who is in prison, and a grandson who she raised (Spermidiot's #4) who is not far behind the inmate.
Our investment in confronting the toxic opposition was for the future of our family. Particularly, our son's life and future.
He is a wonderful man, living a good life, has a successful career, and is a man of standing in his community. He is the one who got away from the drama of the toxic opposition.
We did more than hope that SS would see the writing on the wall. We kept him informed of the writing on the wall. He learned to question when their crap did not pass the smell test. He developed that capability when he was fairly young. By the time he was progressing through his teens he was doing his own research when he suspected that they were lying and manipulating.
We never struggled with our relationship with SS. Our struggle was with the the lies and manipulations of the toxic opposition that they targeted SS with.
I truly hope that your SS has a positive outcome and that he can learn to keep the toxic side of his life contained and have an engaging relationship with his father and with you. Your struggle is far more difficult than ours. We are the CP household. And my DW is the BM. We had all of the advantages inherrent for the BM and the CP.
I'd save that email exchange
I'd save that email exchange (shit I'd save all email exchanges). "Since SS does so well in school (he was able to miss a week to attend your pre-wedding festivitites) I'm assuming he can miss X days to be here with us."
Oh we save every email. Not
Oh we save every email. Not that we ever challenge it, we basically say "Thanks for the update" since it isn't worth fighting with her. We save it though in case we ever had to prove double standard.
Lol send them a wedding card
Lol send them a wedding card signed "from one happy couple to another- we wish you nothing but the best"
I give it 2 years before it crashes and burns. They seem to need drama to thrive. The wedding to look forward to, issues with SS to solve, etc. Once you're no longer a target they will turn on each other. Two years tops.
They've been together for 6
They've been together for 7 years total, living together for 6 of those years. I don't think they are going to crash and burn until SS goes off to college and they don't have him constantly present to hold their relationship. SS has been at the center of their relationship since the beginning and he is the only thing they "have in common," remove SS and they will surely implode.
BM is the primary breadwinner
BM is the primary breadwinner, right? If they divorce i hope GF gets half of her stuff and a crap-ton of alimony. But i'm in a bad mood today...
LOL DH and I assume that BM
LOL DH and I assume that BM makes more since we know her income exactly due to CS documentation submitted in February. We don't know GF's income but assume it's at least a little less. I would hope the same for GF if they divorced.
GF is about to be the SM.
Though her income likely cannot be used in CS calculation, if your State is like SpermLand, the SP can and often does have to provide proof of income to the court, and to the other side of any legal action.
I fought with Judges multiple times over that. The Judge would state that I was "not a party to the case" then in their next breath demand that I show my tax documents, pay stubs, and investment statements. Ummmm. Nope, if I am not a party to the case, my money is not a party to the case. Sadly, logic and brains are not a requirement for the Harry Potter robed morons who sit on the family law bench slinging the infant Fisher-Price wooden hammer.
When the robed moron would threaten contempt, I provided the information.
While it is clear in SpermLand state regulations that the SP's income cannot be considered for calculating CS, it can be considered in awarding an income reduction credit to the party paying CS. In our case, "the SF's significant income creates an artificially elevated standard of living for the child that dad should not be punished by having to contribue to."
So, while not considered in CS calculation, the robed moron applied the maximum income reduction credit of $1000/mo to reduce the maximum possibe CS level. Though the $1000/mo seems significant, it only reduces CS by $50/mo.
That that shit puddle of a gene pool benefited one Cent from my income still pisses me off. 13yrs after our son aged out from under the CO.
I would initiate a CS review upon their wedding date demanding GF's income under the auspices that GF's income creates an artificual standard of living for SS that you and DH should not have to contribute to.
See how the toxic GUBM likes sniffing the shit she throws at you and DH.