I thought I had a fresh start - we moved halfway across the planet just DH and I. Life was paradise, until last week when DH said 'oh SS is arriving tomorrow'. He didn't tell me till the last min because he knew my position. 
 

in the last 6 months, he's been to visit SS 4 times in our old home. I was totally fine with that set up, and happy for him to go. Him coming to ruin my new life is a different story though. I'm feeling a little broken and as my DH said this morning, the past week has been hell and he can't cope. 
 

Some context - he has 2 BS, one grew up with us and one with his mother. The one who lived with us is 24 and the younger one is 18. We fought hard for custody of the younger but only got shared custody and BM was eventually allowed to take him out of the country severely limiting our regular access. Relationship with younger has always been good and he is honestly a darling. No one is perfect but I couldn't ask for more than him.
BM is mother to both, but never wanted anything to do with the older one who was with us. Don't get me wrong, I have full understanding that rejection on that level from his BM, especially as she wanted his brother and fought tooth and nail for him, is incredibly damaging and very hard for a teen to understand or get over. 
My DH and I have been together for 15 years. 

The first 5 were fine. The kids were young and relations with BM were facilitated by financial means and the result was calm and easy. Then BM wanted to move on with new partner and wanted significant funds to do so (comical levels) and so ensued a very bitter and expensive 4 years of court proceedings, taking my DH to the brink of bankruptcy 3 times. You all can guess how nasty things can get. 
 

Older SS was 15 at the time and the rejection by BM took a whole new level. As a way to try to win her affections and also his delusions that if his parents got back together then perhaps his mother may love him, he began his campaign to in his words 'get rid of me'. 
 

I put up with a lot because of all of this. Was the sole income earner, DH struggled with depression and I essentially had to run the court case to keep him from ruin (he wouldn't be able to work if he went bankrupt, ever again), take care of the home, pay the bills, take on debt, and also take care of bratty SS who was doing everything possible to be nightmare. I had understanding and love and patience that it would get better. 
 

It never did and SS has developed some pretty significant mental health issues. I've spoken with professionals who have suggested personality disorders but DH just refers to it as depression. 
 

BM moved on and we hear nothing from her and have no ongoing issues. Younger SS is a joy and spends plenty of time with us now rebuilding those bonds. 
 

Older SS, despite being 24, was living at home until we relocated and moved abroad 9 months ago. He refused to work until I got him a job and drove him to it each day. He never finished school, he used to be dropped off, sneak out and go back home thinking that DH and I were at work. Of course school told us and he was 3 years behind and failing at that, so eventually was allowed to just drop out with 0 qualifications. His goal in life in to inherit and frequently says he is going to take everything when DH (22 years older than me) dies and leave me with nothing... as if it's up to him. 
 

Anyway, him living at home was the driver for us leaving as DH couldn't face asking him to move out. 

He knows no limit when it comes to him behaviour and will have full on temper tantrums and sulk like a 3 year old, in front of our professional colleagues. He will shout, scream, smash things, run away etc. 

he won't speak to people if I'm there in his need to demonstrate his hatred. 
 

His arrival last Friday was horrid. Nothings changed and I'm now, in my new paradise home, feeling like he will never stop and never let us have happiness. He has sulked and demanded that DH only be with him alone and have nothing to do with me. He feels afraid that he will be humiliated in our new small town home. 
 

He also feels guilty for SS who will outright say all his problems are due to the breakdown of his parents relationship and it's all DHs fault. He feels he can't leave him and loves him even though he often doesn't like him. 
 

SS will do anything to guilt trip and blackmail. DH knows but feels he has no choice but to cave. 
 

I am just struggling. I tried once telling SS he will give his dad a heart attack and then he will have no one, and he said he doesn't care and he will get the money (which was largely money I earned, and no he wouldn't really get anything) 

He won't see a psychologist as he is convinced he will be heavily medicated and tbh, that's not an unreasonable fear. 
 

I love my husband and our life has been great since we moved, but this visit is breaking me. DH says I just have to survive one more week and then he will go but I'm just thinking it will never end. What about next time...

oh and I just caught him on camera being mean and flicking my elderly dog. I could have killed him but had to swallow it for the sake of my husband. I will not let him near the dog now and have made clear I installed cameras. What an evil brat. 
 

anyone been there???