UPDATE_Here we go…AGAIN!
**UPDATE** DH told me he and Spawn are working on meeting tomorrow night. I asked if it was for dinner and he said he didn’t know. Instantly my hackles went up and I had to remember to keep my game face on. I just asked him to let me know so I could know what to plan for dinner. He said he hopes they can hash everything out and hopefully start from there. I was just like well I hope it works out for you.
So yesterday morning as I’m prepping food for the week and minding my own business this conversation ensues between DH and me.
DH: Spawn contacted me (stated in very gruff tone).
Me: Oh okay.
DH: She wants to meet with me (still being very gruff).
Me: Okay.
DH: I haven’t responded yet because she texted me late last night.
Me: Okay, but why do you sound so pissed off about it?
DH: Oh I didn’t realize I sounded that way, maybe it’s some hold over from all those years of resentment.
Me: Hmm maybe (deftly changes subject to something else and never revisits the topic).
Backstory is when Spawn graduated high school she and DH went no contact with one another and that lasted about five years. At the start of 2019 she reached out to DH and they met one time for coffee and then the pandemic shut everything down. DH remained in touch with Spawn during that time over texts and even went to meet her newest boy-toy and see her new apartment. Not sure what happened but they stopped communicating shortly after that. Which brings us to last year when Spawn got in touch with DH because she needed him to clear something up with health insurance and that is when he found out Spawn was pregnant. During that interaction Spawn began bringing up past issues and berating DH for being a sh@t father as well as berating him about Meth Mouth for some reason. DH told Spawn at that time that if she wanted to sit down and talk to hash things out he was more than willing but she would need to let him know. Spawn went radio silent yet again but DH continued to text her and check in, but she rarely if ever replied. So that brings us to the conversation yesterday, now while a huge part of me could care less what she finally wants to meet with DH about, the small nosey part of me wants to know what she’s after now. Like I said I didn’t revisit the conversation with DH and I figure I will wait for him to tell me if/when he plans to meet with her. So I guess here we go again.
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Money
My guess is she needs $ for something.
That's what I'm thinking,
That's what I'm thinking, knowing Spawn she will use the granbaby to control and manipulate DH going forward.
Has to be a money grab but
Has to be a money grab but veiled as an "effort to let him be a grandpa".
I can totally agree with that
I can totally agree with that, I'm sure she views it she and her child are "owed" something from DH and she will lead him around by the nose for it. The sad part is DH really wants to be a grandpa, the only thing I said to that was "Just be prepared that the cost of being grandpa might be so high it costs you in other areas."
Well put! And most of these
Well put!
And most of these men find that playing grandpa isn't much fun without us doing all the grunt work.
Even the best of them, Julie.
Even the best of them, Julie. My DH did (and continues to do) pretty much all of the 'grunt work' for his two grandsons but I took pity on him when poopie diapers were involved. He'd gag intensely, eyes popping, whereas I’ve never turned a hair at a soiled diaper; it’s just baby poop, after all.
His gratitude was so epic that I’d be golden for the rest of the day. And night.
$$$$$$$
Cha ching!
Exactly, I’m sure Spawn will
Exactly, I’m sure Spawn will play if off like she doesn’t need anything from him, but look at all the things grandbaby will need!
Spawn sounds like
She has always sounded like a more mature version of stunted feral forger.
She will use the grands against your dh. Just have a talk before and establish the "limitations"...
I’ve thought about it and
I’ve thought about it and haven’t quiet decided what boundaries I want put in place. I have the original ones that I let DH know are firm and will not change, but at the same time if he really wants to be grandpa I will have to re-evaluate some things on my end. Realistically with how little effort my DH puts into anything other than work and his extracurricular’s this probably won’t even really become a thing, but we shall see.
DH as grandpa
Your DH may be the type of grandpa my DH is. It's mostly talk. He saw them when the parents made the effort. He likes them and vice versa but we were both so burned out from the intensity of raising our 5 kids that we just weren't very involved. Plus, we were both working full time during their young years. Every once in awhile, I'd plan an outing, like to a water park and he'd go along but grudgingly. We remembered all bdays and went to Grandparents Day, recitals and a few games. But, if I hadn't kept up with it, on his own, he wouldn't have done much. So, if you don't instigate anything, your DH's involvement will be minimal after the initial honeymoon period.
I just realized that if the kids went directly to DH with a grandkid request, he hummed and hawed. If they asked me, I'd always say yes right away. So, train everyone to ask him directly. Lol.
That's my DH too. He claims
That's my DH too. He claims he wants to be an involved Grandpa, but he doesn't even have their birthdays on a calendar, doesn't do anything for them without SD prompting (and she has never been unreasonable or demanding in this regard), no calls, nada. Occasionally SD will remind him of a birthday and he'll send a small check. That's the extent of their "relationship." It's really kind of sad.
Bait.
That's what these stunted skids use their kids as. Just a means of manipulation to get $$$.
Fingers crossed your DH is smart enough to draw boundaries with Spawn.
Did she have the baby yet? I
Did she have the baby yet? I can't remember. Totally money grab and or babysitter are my bets. This will probably be another boundary you will have to navigate.
DH wanting to be grandpa and Spawn going after your bios (not sure they would fall for it) to be uncle/aunt aka use them for babysitting, toys, who knows whatever else.
She did a few months ago and
She did a few months ago and has been posting memes about being Mama Bear and all that new mother trope, she also makes sure to post pictures of Meth Mouth with grandbaby and compliments Meth Mouth a lot.
My BS23 wants nothing to do with Spawn, as for BD17 she has said she does in the past but with the recent shennanigans of Spawn calling our family friends daughter a "see you next tuesday" she doesnt want anything to do with her.
"No babysitting"
Have this tattooed on DH's arm.
If he did it would be on her
If he did it would be on her turf, one of my boundaries is she is not allowed in our house ever again.
Yikes, advice.only2, you've
Yikes, advice.only2, you've changed your avatar! This oldster has become set in her ways and is startled! Kidding aside (love the avatar, BTW), I'm in complete agreement with the other members; yon contact by Spawn will cost your DH a little or a lot, depending on the extent of his gullibility.
Expect the cash grab to be at least twice what he claims, unless you are completely aware of all financial doin's in Chez advice.only2. And BTW, any of us would be nosy if our stepkids made contact after a lengthy estrangement, particularly if it has the potential to affect our resources.
In fact, I am interested in Spawn’s intentions and I don’t even know the woman. Thankfully.
Exactly, I guess I will find
Exactly, I guess I will find out after tomorrow they are planning on meeting.
Goody!
I'll be looking forward to the heads-up!
I think it is possible for
I think it is possible for adult kids to mature and move from "what can i get from my parent" to "what can i do for my parent." Or, even "i just want a relationship with my parent", which would be a neutral wanting to talk or hang out but not requesting money, lodging, or babysitting. Something tells me Spawn isn't there yet. Keep us posted.
I agree with you and out of
I agree with you and out of all of this I continue to hope that Spawn is growing and maturing, especially after having a baby, but Spawn is very much Meth Mouth’s daughter, the world owes them.
It certainly is possible.
But not likely.
Leopards rarely change their stripes.
I too am an optimist. Just don't let the hopeful optimism be a forelorn hope. After years of disappointment it is not necessarily a bad thing to liower expectations so you won't be continue to be disappointed.
Exactly!
Exactly!