Does it ever get better?
Feeling down. Just need to let it out somehow.
I got married so young. At 21 I believed this is what I wanted. I felt that this was the right path, but I should know better, that the trail I choose is never the correct one. Now, a decade later, I am tired; so tired beyond my years. At some moments things are good, and I enjoy my life, but then there are times when I wondered what I have done. My marriage isn't bad, and I really do have great step kids who love me, and a husband that loves me, but yet I don't feel whole. I feel guilty for not feeling that maternal love. I feel terrible when people tell me I'm a great Stepmom because I know I'm not. I could be so much better. I could love so much more. Sometimes I feel so sad because I don't consider myself good enough, or sometimes so unheard, and unloved; just wafting in the background much like a shadow. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I terrible? Should I leave. Will I leave? Will my husband be okay? Will the kids be okay? There are just to many variables. And if I go down a different path how do I know it's not just another dead end.
Without knowing your
Without knowing your situation, all i can say is that if your self worth is based on your role as a stepmom, that might explain your feelings. Unless you have the unicorn situation, you will probably not find fulfillment in that role. It's like getting the bill and the sunburn but not going on the vacation. How is your marriage? Is it good outside of your life as a family with the kids or is it child-centered? Do you have a fulfilling career or hobbies? What about kids of your own? Do you want them? What is your day-to day life like?
Welcome! I'm glad you found
Welcome! I'm glad you found us. I just want to give you a hug and tell you "Let go of the guilt and stop beating yourself up!"
Being a step parent is hard and unnatural. It's especially hard for women. Look at animals - we've all seen those cute videos where a hen adopts a kitten or a mother dog accepts a pup she didn't birth. It's interesting because it's OUT OF THE NORM. Females are wired to be territorial, so generally we're most comfortable in our own home with our own partner and children. Accepting other people's kids and assimilating into an already established family unit is challenging, and it's easy to lose yourself. We find ourselves supporting cast in their world instead of starring in our own, and that takes a toll on our self esteem.
You're not the same person you were ten years ago, and you've probably been sacrificing your own needs on the altar of the Failed Family. Now is a good time to find yourself again, to start prioritizing you and your own needs. I suggest you do two things: 1) Read the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin, and 2) Be kind and patient with yourself, because ITS NOT YOU, ITS THE SITUATION and your feelings are both normal and valid.
Stop feeling and start thinking.
The thinking part of your post is the part that indicates that you have Skids and DH that love you and others tell you that you are a great SM.
Get out of the feels and embrace your intellect. You are likely to find that you are much happier.
As for marrying young. Many people do and can have lives of adventure and a love for the ages.
Go with that.
Stop feeling and start thinking.
The thinking part of your post is the part that indicates that you have Skids and DH that love you and others tell you that you are a great SM.
Get out of the feels and embrace your intellect. You are likely to find that you are much happier.
As for marrying young. Many people do and can have lives of adventure and a love for the ages.
Go with that.
You are a different person now
And finding that out, is likely causing you to have these feelings. Like "imposter syndrom" when you are told how great a stepmother you are. But you know what? The way you love them now seems just fine. You dont have kiddos of your own? Weel you cannot expect yourself to love children you didnt make as if they were your own bios. You love them how YOU love them. Its not less than, is different.
I would take others suggestions and figure out what you want for your life. And tell yourself that its ok, to have these feelings.
Hello Root'n Toot'n
I was once worried about leaving on a long trip. What if I died? What would happen to my husband? children? my steps? I wise old woman said to me..."honey, if you die this world will keep turning." So you do you and everything else will fall into place. People do marry young (my parents) and wonder "what did I miss?" It doesn't matter what they decided. Only you can make this call to stay or leave. Good luck and prayers for comfort.