I actually left...a rant
In the last three and a half years, I left the house overnight with our 3 year old. The father of our daughter and I got into an argument. It all started because I was hesitant on picking up his boys at circle k because he didn't want to deal with them or their bs. He started saying how I never help with things nor his kids. A couple of years ago, I used to pick them up the fall of 2019 semester. I would have to drive approximately 100 miles each day, five days a week, to pick them up from school and drop them off at their dads house. I racked up miles on my car and bought new sets of tires because I kept getting nails in my tires. I did all this while I was pregnant. I filled up my own gas and he only put gas 2 twice. I did all this because he needed help with his kids, their bio mom at that time was away at rehab. But now she is out, but she works two, three times a week overnight. She flaked out on her kids several times.
I am a stay at home mom, I raised our daughter on my own the last three years. I cook clean, if he needs extra things done like picking up errands for him I did that. I really don't pick up the kids anymore, they act up in my car, use inappropriate language in my car around my daughter but they don't stop when I tell them not to say those things. I have told their father many times but it falls on deaf ears. He says I treat his kids like crap. So yesterday he told me he didn't need my help anymore. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I told him that picking up his kids makes me nervous based on previous experiences. I hate how they try to argue with me, they openly tell me that I'm not a family member, because their dad and I are not married and that I don't own the house and I have no say. They also say that their sister is only their half sister so why should they care as much.
So I need some guidance here. I haven't heard from him since our phone call yesterday, noon.
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He doesn't need your help?
He doesn't need your help? GOOD! Live your life with your DD3. It might be worth considering working toward becoming financially independent so that if you need to make moves- you can.
Job?
Have you started working yet? Your post last year said you were going to soon.
Honestly, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Perhaps this relationship has just run its course and it would be best to not try to resurrect it.
These two statements
These two statements contradict each other:
I am a stay at home mom, I raised our daughter on my own the last three years.
Hows it going otherwise?
Since your post last year - did you find work? Im guessing no since you are a SAHM.
Time to think about getting yourself independent from your failed father breeding partner. He is not going to be the man you need him to be...
So far...
I stayed at a close friend place last night. I haven't been back at the house yet. Trying to figure out what to do next. Yes I believe it is time to cut my losses., it will be hard, I admit I'm not a quitter but I have to swallow my pride.
Leaving a marriage that isn't
Leaving a marriage that isn't good for you, or the other person involved (mainly you), isn't 'quitting' like you would do if you paid for three months of piano lessons and just decided to stop for no reason. It's getting yourself back.
Actually...
I think leaving a bad relationship ia the opposite of quitting. Quitting would be remaining in tha bad relationship - quitting life.
You are not quitting, you are
You are not quitting, you are providing your child with a safe and healthy life. Quitting would mean giving up and accepting the disrespect and disgusting behaviors.
Leaving a relationship where
Leaving a relationship where you are financially dependent is hard. Have you found a job? Do you plan on filing for custody- like TODAY? Same goes for CS. This is his 3-4th kid right? You won't get much but it will be something. It will increase as the others age out.
Are you prepared and have support to actually do this on your own? I know being a SAHM feels like doing it on your own, but a working single mom is 1000X harder. Not saying you should stay by any means- I left my exH, my kids dad, when they were 3 and 4 yrs old. I had to figure it out fast. I had been a SAHM since my son was born. I got my BS degree but it was during the recession and the only job I could find was a receptionist. It took 2 weeks of my pay to cover daycare alone. Thankfully, after a few months I did get a decent CS amount and we made it. I continued to grow and move up in my career, but it took time.
I would leave him
I would leave him. He sounds like he would rather blame you for his own failures than take responsibility for his crappily behaved kids. They should not be saying rude things to you while you are doing them a favor by driving them hundreds of miles. Your husband should be having a "come to Jesus" talk with his sons and telling them to behave or face severe consequences.
Since your husband would rather act like a bratty kid himself, he can go to hell. If you don't already have a job, get one. Also, reach out to your family to see if you can temporarily stay with them while you get things sorted out.
I hope things get better for you. Sorry you have to deal with this. Its not your fault.
Web cams and record all of their toxic crap.
Then once a week have video and audio time with daddy showing him how his toxic failed family spawn behave and treat you and your young child.
Do not tell them about the Cams. Keep Cams in all common areas of the home and in your car. Record it all.
Of course keep Cams out of bedrooms and bathrooms but... Cams covering the doors into those spaces are fair game IMHO.
If DH is so stupid as so gaslight you as being the problem, shove the unquestionablel facts in his idiot face.
Take your baby and run. Nail his ass for a shit ton of CS and keep he and his shallow and polluted gene pool as far from you and your child as possible.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.