Sounds like your BF is projecting his past issues with BM onto his current issues with you. Unfortunately, it sounds like BF will also be a forever "Disney Dad" because he is too afraid to open his eyes and realize that SS is lost to PAS and there is nowhere to go but down from here. So instead, BF is going to do literally everything he can, including hoarding toddler toys until SS is an adult, just to prevent the guilt, anger, and resentment from creeping in. AND, SS' poor attitude and bratty, entitled, shit behavior is going to be dismissed because actually parenting or any attempt at discipline will result in SS running further to BM. SS will continue to rule the roost and get away with it because he knows how to play BF like a fiddle. 

Are you sure this relationship is worth it? I don't see a win-win for you in this scenario. BM is a lunatic who almost cost you your job, SS is a lost cause, and BF is financially destitute due to a losing custody battle (even with 50/50) because the kid is PASed out. Now, BF is projecting all of his unresolved issues on you. I don't see a brightside here for you. 

I am so sorry! You stood by this man at great personal cost - how dare he treat you this way! I am mad on your behalf. Maybe it would be good to take some kind of break so you can both get some clarity. I think it is only natural to think that things will get better once court is over, but often that is not the case. Unfortunately, your BF is not showing any signs of making any progress in how he is going to be handling his son, which is what it is goint to take in order for things to work for the two of you. Sending a warm hug.

I haven't read your prior posts, but this relationship sounds like a lot of work.  Are you sure you want to stick around?   It sounds like this boy isnt even into his teens and I hate to think how things will be then.

I'm worried about you. You've gone above and beyond for this man and in return you've gotten verbally abused. What do you get out of your relationship? Where do you see it headed in 5 or 10 years? I know you've invested a lot of yourself into it and that scares me because you are just as important as he is, as his ghost child is. Please make sure you put yourself at the top to your list, you deserve it not just from yourself but from him as well.

This guy and BM are both a mess. So is SS. Your SO isn't capable of managing his own life and he sure isn't  capable of protecting you from BM and SS, or, doing much of anything for you. You are a nurse, right? Not to be stereotypical, but i bet you are a caretaker. Helping people comes naturally to you. But - they have to want the help and be willing to participate in their own rescue. Otherwise you are just dragging yourself down to try and fix a lost cause. 

Your exit strategy.

Hes yelling at you.

Hes financially unstable, and sounds emotionally unstable. I know you love him, but love isnt enough.

With all the court battles and PAS, I dont see this getting better.

Please take care of YOU.

This BM has some serious mental health issues; there is a reason the locker room saying is "Don't put your d!@$ in crazy." I've followed your saga & this BM will never allow your SO to find peace, even if he finds a way to get his balls out of BMs purse. He is losing everything piece by piece & is between a rock & a hard place. Unfortunately, there is is little to do when the courts do not help & BM hates the ex more then she loves her children. The best solution is not to play; although, even then they are still victims, as have to give up on their child.I feel incredibly sorry for him & those like him that BMs & the courts serious screw over. The system sucks. 

If SO is going to resent & blame you instead of the true aggressor, I really can't see how you benefit from continuing on in this relationship. Even without counting your current issues, I would seriously consider leaving this relationship. You will never have peace while you are with this man. BM will never allow it.  Take care of you. 

Just think (make a list) of all the great things you could do and experience if you were free from this mess 

I'm not sure i understand.. I saw that your BF got 50/50 custody.. but I don't understand the change in apartments..

Is your BF moving to a smaller place now that he has more custody?  that doesn't seem like a logical move on his part if he is... and I hope you aren't going to be living in that smaller space with the two of them when his kid is there.. a studio in my exp is just basically one all purpose room.. no separate bedroom at all.. and maybe a small kitchen and a bathroom.. 

A studio is suited to a single person.. maybe a couple.. but that's tight.. it is not suited to a child and parents!

maybe I'm not getting that reasoning or the situation?

On the donation side.. certainly your So should not be feeling any guilt for giving away clothes.. toys and books that his son has well outgrown.. or had for a long time without showing any interest. Unless they were collectables that were important to the child.. sentimental gifts.. I don't see the problem with downsizing to just things he would use currently!

It sounds like BF has a lot of unprocessed trauma. He's not mad at you but you are a safe punching bag. You need to disengage. He can get rid of SS's stuff when he's emotionally ready. 

Kids slowly distance from their parents anyway as they grow up. You didn't mention SS's age. As a teen he has five-ish years left before he is an adult.

This boy is lost to PAS. BF needs to put down the rope. Let SS know he's there for him when he's ready. Go through a mourning process. Then relax and enjoy his life.

SS will appreciate the relief from drama if BF disengages from both BM and SS and goes NC.

Recently a wise STalker made a comment something along the lines of It is not that I don't care. It is that I cannot afford to care anymore because it is damaging to me. (Paraphrase-ish)

So, when is enough enough?

Throw in the towel, but eI do think it sounds like it's time, probably past time.

There come times we have to think what we want our lives to look like and what we can do to create that vision in reality.  I can't imagine what he realistically expects at this point. 

I completely understand fighting for your child, but the PAS is deep and a lot to overcome.  If he thinks "winning" looks like going broke to get a piece of paper that says your right but your living situation deteriorates and you still don't get the time with your child that you were awarded,  it wasn't worth the investment.  And his son will only be resentful.  He can take a step back from his son and not "give up"...it's giving the kid a chance to breathe and will give your BF a chance to reflect on what reality looks like now.

Getting rid of stuff he no longer has room for and SS has outgrown anyway is just something that has to be done from time to time, regardless.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I'd definitely suggest you take a step back from your BF and reflect, too. Maybe do a few individual counseling sessions to get your footing and decide what direction you want to go in.

Either way, if you choose to stay, you need to make it clear to BF that you're not his verbal punching bag and if he wants to yell at someone he should move along.  I'd also make it clear that dealing with issues that involve SS are no longer something you do...it will keep blame away from your feet if there's another situation that needs someone to be responsible for.

He's made a mess of his life and he needs to start the clean up, but you're not his maid.

Do something nice for yourself because you clearly deserve it!

What are you getting out of this relationship? What is so special about your boyfriend that being with him is worth the drama of BM and SS (they tried to screw with your livelihood!!), and now verbal abuse from him? What are we missing here?

Intentionally and at that point and even now is more a liability than an asset. Its easy for his family to pressure him to fight it out in court when its not them paying the court/lawyer costs and going into debt because of it, its not his family who have to deal with unstable vindictive exwife.

your partner is running himself to the ground and expecting you to be his backup plan. Thats a big no for me. If he is in a committed relationship with you, he doesn't have the luxury of playing Russian roulette 

are not your fault.

Dump him and get on with your life.

Do yourself that favor.

My DH was the same, defending his SD's although they treated him and I like personal servants. He yelled at our therapist that he would not "punish" SD for her behavior (ie: consequences) or let her have any natural consequences from her own actions. He insisted on sweeping in and saving the day. 

Well, our therapist ghosted us. Then SD blew up at him and refused to speak to him or come over. Now he is finally turning his enabling behavior around. All it took was a couple of heart attacks and seeing that his kids don't give a shit about him, yet I was there for him every step of the way. 

I think what your DH needs is a wake up call - a brutal one. How about you put his stuff on the curb and change the locks while he is at work? Tell him that even though his kids don't have any consequences for their actions, that HE lives in the REAL WORLD, where your decisions have consequences. He made his choice. Let him live with his precious failed spawn.