SD's screamed insults at me last night

So, here I thought I was doing ok, handling things pretty well. Then last night happened.

DH and I got home from grocery shopping. Sunday is our only day off together, so we got a scary movie for Halloween to watch together. I asked him if he wanted to watch it before dinner, since he was making lasagna for the girls, and I knew it would take a few hours. He said, "in a bit." So I busied myself doing something else. Then, an hour later - I asked again. He said to go ahead and start it, and he would watch as he prepared dinner from the kitchen. SD18 was off hiding in her room and SD16 started criticizing how he was making the lasagna, and yelling at him for leaving "meat juice" on the counter for 2 seconds while he cooked the italian sausage.Apparently meat juice is toxic to mini-wives.

As I am watching the movie, i keep having to turn it up because SD16 miniwife is talking so loudly. Then DH puts the lasagna in the oven, and says pointedly to her "I am sitting down and relaxing now." Well, she keeps on haranguing him, and I can't hear a damned word of the movie, so I said "SD16!! Stop! Please stop talking so loudly! I can't hear the movie." Well, she plants her feet and glares at me and says "Daddee, she is being rude. She should apologize." DH then pauses the movie and starts out as if he is refereeing an argument, but he is not part of the problem. Anyway, long story short. I told her she should apologize to her Dad for how she spoke to him the night before (I had to leave the room last night because she was demanding a puppy again and wouldn't take no for an answer. I told her to drop it and she mouthed off to me. My blood pressure was so high I could feel my ears burning. So I left. DH stayed. It devolved into her telling DH a bunch of lies about how I am so mean and she is "walking on eggshells" around me and saying that I am verbally abusive to her Dad. Her dad laughs and says that is not true, and why would she say that?

Then SD18, who was eavesdropping from upstairs, comes running down the stairs and agressively defends her sister, saying that I was so mean because I said "SD16, you are still a child. You don't run this house, and you need to understand that. You dont' have the life experience yet to understand some things. Namely, that it takes a lot of work to raise a puppy, and most of that work will fall on your dad and I. " So I am now getting screamed at by two teen girls and made to feel like I am a horrible person for pointing out that SD 16 not an adult, and shouldn't be bossing around her dad. So then SD!6 makes a point to say that she LIKES bioho's new boyfriend and compared to me, he is very nice." I said "Great! I am glad you like your mom's new boyfriend, but that has nothing to do with our relationship."

DH told me later that he told them they need to show baseline respect to me when they come over, such as saying hello and goodbye, and not screaming at me. Wow. Its come down to that. I was really hurt by their lies, and the fact that they actually believe their own BS DH asked SD18 why she won't talk to him and slams her computer shut when he walks by. Her excuse was that she is upset that her biomom is charging her $100 monthly rent and she has to take care of her elderly great grandma to earn it. Boo hoo.I guess that gives her the right to take a crap on everyone else for 6 months.

I really don't want these two in my house anymore. I guess I have to tough it out until SD16 is 18 and then tell DH they can only visit on holidays and they will get shown the door if they act badly. I'm going to go cry now.

Shieldmaiden's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Don't cry

You and DH both handled things well, imo. Immature, thoughtless teenage stepkids - the armpit of family relations. Take good care of yourself, dear Shieldmaiden.

Thanks

Thanks. Sd16 actually had the nerve to ask me what I have ever taken responsibility for in my life? I said "I get up every day and go to work to earn money. I pay for your house, utilities, car, Christmas presents, wifi, etc. I taught you how to swim and ride a bike. I buy your food. I take your dad to the hospital when he is sick or injured. I fed your hamster and your goldfish while you were at your mom's. Any thing else I forgot, or is that enough for you?"

AAARRRGGHHH!

Shieldmaiden, I am so furious right now that, like you, I can feel my blood pressure rising. How dare your husband allow that behaviour from his unruly, disrespectful daughters?! His failure to deliver immediate and severe consequences is tantamount to allowing their contempt.

Don’t you dare cry! Get angry! It’s past time that you let ‘Daddy’ know that his LOPS (Julie, according to ‘Urban Directory’, a LOP is also a ‘LOSER so both designations apply) can either hold their nasty tongues or stay with their mother and her partner that they like so much.

As others have wisely stated, the brats have escalated to new heights of scornful conduct that now includes you as well as their ineffective father. The fact that he’s willing to put up with their nonsense on his own behalf does not mean that YOU have to. Take charge! Unless your husband takes steps to shut this conduct down, his daughters will be made to believe that they can include you in their diatribes.

perhaps it's time for your

perhaps it's time for your wallet to step away from her.

disgusting behavior

Needs to be shut down in the moment. Either its become so normalized that DH doesnt notice it or hes given up. Either way you should not have to be miserable in your own home. Im sorry you are going through this. Reminds me of SD23 Feral Forger and the constant battles.

Thanks

Thanks. I wish Dh had put a stop to it. He wanted me to come downstairs and eat dinner with them after that. I told him I lost my appetite, and to make sure they were gone by 8 pm. He kind of acted like I was over reacting. That hurt me too.

Agree you're not overreacting

He wants to sweep it under the rug. Don't let him.

Great God Almighty!

My chin hit the keyboard when I read, 'He wanted me to come downstairs and eat dinner with them after that.'

Is the guy for real? He's lucky that his Italian sausage lasagna wasn't providing warm headwear for him and his vipers! As if you'd be able to swallow a bite after the abuse that you suffered.

Hon, I know that you love him but your husband needs a good shaking-up. In his only defense, men can be incredibly dense at times.

Ok. So I am not crazy

Ok, so I guess I am not crazy. I missed work today because I am so exhausted from that fight. I couldn't sleep. I feel sad and lethargic. I am thinking about how to fix this. I don't want to leave him but how do you propose I shake him up?

I am kind of lost. I told him that I can't deal with the anxiety of seeing them again, and that my relationship with his kids is over. I told him he sacrificed my relationship with his kids so that he could get his SD18 to talk to him. That's exactly what he did.

DH knows he can't get a dog,

DH knows he can't get a dog, right? If so, maybe let the harpy harangue him, he seems to like it. Just as long as you can't hear it. Or maybe jump in a harangue him too, without the slightest hint of sarcasm. lol. "Honeeeey, I want a dog too, please...PLEASE...WHY CAN'T WE GET A DOG...HONEEEEYYYYY"

I woulda just sat there, and turned the TV way way WAY up. But our TV is wired to our stereo, with four foot speakers. Then she could start yelling at you and you could be all like, "What?....WHAT?...LOUDER, I CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

Videotape her b!tching at DH while he's cooking, so you can replay it for her enjoyment.

These girls sound miserable.

These girls sound miserable. Why does your DH put up with that. He should tell them that no man will ever want to marry them if that's how they treat people. Why is it that they get to determine what goes on in your home? Forget them knowing about responsiblity, they are not paying for your home and I doubt they would pay for a puppy or everything needed for a dog (otherwise, they would just buy it themselves), so why would they get a say in how you spend your money. You could spend it all on popsicle sticks and chewing gum and that is your choice, not theirs!

My SSs are the same way. They complain that I'm "so critical" because I expect them to throw out their own trash or close the door to the bathroom to keep their toddler sister out. They don't scream at me though, they just cry to BM and sometimes to DH, who supposedly corrects them.

I think they know that if they screamed at me in my own home, I'd tell them to get the hell out and never come back. I've told DH that if they cause big drama, he will have to find some other place to spend his weekends with them. They have a right to see DH, but they don't have a right to come and cause havoc in our home. BM used to scream at her stepson and wanted to kick him out (he lived with her and ex StepDad full time) as soon as he turned 18, so she can accuse me of whatever she wants, but she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Ugh. I'm so sorry

you got splattered by Failed Family poo. Those stunted Bs are so steeped in their victimhood they're utterly toxic to be around.

And it all comes down to your DH being a weak, inconsistent parent. They behave this way 1) because neither parent has taught them how to process/express feelings in a healthy way, and 2) because they're allowed to.

This attack on you represents a fork in the road, an escalation that can't be ignored or rugswept. It was bad enough when those LOPs were disrespectful to their father, but that's his choice to accept. No way should YOU accept such behavior without any consequences, especially for the eighteen year old. The opportunity for change is here. What would you like to see happen?

FYI

LOP stands for low output. It's an old school cop term used to describe a beat cop who's lazy and does the bare minimum.

I'm getting more worked up and ANGRY on your behalf, SM. You shouldn't have to suffer for all the bad parenting those wastes of oxygen got. And sure, your DH will probably play the pity card, poor SDs and their mental health issues, but that's b.s. No health condition excuses such mistreatment.

If you don't draw some hard boundaries now, things are only going to get worse for you. WATERSHED MOMENT. Those two #&$! have shown how very much they resent you, so you need to come down hard on EVERYBODY so they never try that poo again. This starts with your DH. This is ... bad, girl. In all my years, my skids and in-laws never pulled anything like this - because they knew firstly that my DH wouldn't tolerate it. You don't have that support. You need to bury a pointy toe up your DH's a$$ and make him more afraid of losing you than upsetting his pos daughters.

YUP.

And, just like you told me, things continue to get worse.

Husband was just telling me last night how SD SMPS had a cryfest and made some accusations-that-werent-accusations. Its starting. And hes telling me that "hes giving up". That hes done trying to parent her. Ugh. These people should not have been parents.

what I would like to see

Hi EXJule,

Thanks. I agree. I feel like this is a fork in the road. I know DH wants everyone to get along, but I just can't keep going through this. My health is suffering. My heart arrythmia is acting up and I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack constantly now. I want to sever all ties with the girls. I want to never see them again in my house. I don't know how to do that since we just bought a house together. Maybe I should use the money I usually give to him for the mortgage and instead, consult a lawyer? I don't want to lose my home but I just don't have the energy to convince him anymore.

There are some excellent meds

For heart arrhythmia... I saw a cardiologist and the meds helped a lot until the stress settled down. I am not a fan of Prozac type meds.

I think your health is an

I think your health is an excellent card to play. Make an appointment with your doctor, discuss what happened, see what he/she advises. Draw that hard boundary with your H: that your DOCTOR has cautioned you about STRESS affecting your HEART; you need time to DECOMPRESS and RECOVER after his daughters' ATTACK; you are SAD and HURT by their VICIOUSNESS, and need space to HEAL. He can see his daughters outside your home, but needs to PROTECT you and your MARRIAGE by keeping them away.

And you need to put together an exit strategy, just in case. You can't count on your H to do what's right or healthy; he's been caught up in this dysfunctional First Family dance for so long, he might not be able to break free.

As Rags says, take care of YOU.

Your DH is the problem

He's a bad parent. Or doing bad parenting. He should not get into these pointless fight with his DD. Disrupting your household. He doesn't put his foot down abd stop the fighting....l. He should sent his DD to there room until they could be a real person and act like one. He should of taken them back to BM ASAP not at 8 PN

omg for a 16yo to talk like

omg for a 16yo to talk like that, yep that would make my blood more than boil!!

Happened A Few Times

And the "few" was because it was different kids. First time...DHs adult Fool oldest son had the audacity to question an answer I gave him. I told him...would you like me to wake up your dad so he can verify that for you?? He quickly backed down. The one time this type of shit show happened with DH present....he kind of did nothing. I told him he better make sure it never happened again because he and his kids would be thrown out of the house. And he knows I meant it.

The next time that starts, I'd leave the room. Let him and his kids fight it out. Or throw then all out and let them fight outside.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It's WRONG and I'm angry for you.

Well, I'd be done with any

Well, I'd be done with any help at all ever again, including financial, if DH did not 100% back me up with that.

For me...

It was Bratty now 25, then I think 22) complaining that the Thanksgiving meal I was pulling out of the oven wast vegan. As she complaining about butter in everything and DH had no clue how to respond, I snapped a bit and told Bratty that traditional Thanksgiving meals include butter. The result? I got snapped at by DH. It took us down a long path of family therapy - but he does understand today that he reacted poorly then. Not sure that fixes things, but I remember how it stung.

Sorry this happened to you. It feels terrible :(

I've put up with similar

I've put up with similar behavior and the mini wife crap in my own house. These ones live here full time. Unfortunately this crap doesn't change. My BF hasn't put his foot down and had any real expectations. I am moving out. I'm done being treated lower than the kids. I am right there with you. These kids think they can do and say whatever they want. You were not wrong at all what you said or how you handled it. At that point your DH should have laid into them about how disrespectful they are acting to you. You are an adult, they are the kids

The thing that jumped out at me

Who the hell gets a dog for a 16 and 18 year old? They are going off to college and work soon and won't be around to take care of a dog. Maybe if they were 8 or 9 but no 16 y/o needs a "family dog?" Especially when they act like they are the real family and their step-parent is the intruder. Why would you do anything for them? They can get their own damn dog after they move the f out!

The thing that jumped out at me

"If you don't like it here-

"If you don't like it here- leave." I'm so sick of this victim shit. I feel for you and you DH needs to step up and parent his mini wives. Have you ever used the term "mini wife" to describe them to your DH? Might be an eye opener...

I hope you are crying because

I hope you are crying because you are angry, not because you are sad.

Weak parenting has created these two monsters. I am blown away by how these two behave in your home and with you and DH yet your DH has proven once again to have failed to step up and handle the situation properly. All I see is manipulation from these two and DH is thinking how everything is all hunky dory, come have a family dinner type of family he wants yet will never obtain.

Ask him: What do you want our family to look like in three years from now?

Then he needs to create an action plan to present to you on how this is going to happen (i.e., he parents when disrespected regardless, with appropriate consequence). Enough is enough. There is no end unless your DH stops this now.

A father's point of view.

Hey, Shieldmaiden, my husband read your posts this afternoon and was determined to add his two cents worth. Since he types with his forefingers, he dictated and I did the typing.

Shieldmaiden, the reason why your husband is not standing up to his daughters is because of his parental love, which is absolute. He is caught between his own blood and his wife. He needs to be educated re the impropriety of his girls’ negative personality traits and the detriment to their future happiness. He must be made to realize that their welfare, including all their future relationships with employers, coworkers, persons in authority etc. are being affected by their destructive behaviour.

Your husband needs to have a serious discussion with his daughters and you, Shieldmaiden, must not be involved; even though the negativity is harming you.

This discussion should not be done with a viewpoint of a father telling children what to do. These young women are now of the age when they should respond to reason. Otherwise, the family will break down.

The daughters need to know that their actions have significant consequences. They may not care, at this point, because of jealousy, power-tripping and control but the fact is that they could be held responsible for the break-up of their father’s marriage, his future happiness and his possible life-long resentment.

Therefore, the onus is placed where it belongs, on the young adults. Would they really want that culpability hanging over them for the rest of their lives?

Even tho we as SM’s are not supposed to be involved

I am really tempted to say this to SD 25 & 22 directly:

"They may not care, at this point, because of jealousy, power-tripping and control but the fact is that they could be held responsible for the break-up of their father’s marriage, his future happiness and his possible life-long resentment.

Therefore, the onus is placed where it belongs, on the young adults. Would they really want that culpability hanging over them for the rest of their lives?"

They aren't teens anymore ... If they can dish it they can take it.

I can completely relate to

I can completely relate to this. My BF is away for 3 weeks, I am moving out of that hell hole of a house this upcoming week, and the skids are still texting and calling daddy telling them how horrible I am. Apparently they don't like that I have disengaged. What is so sad for all these skids, is that if they actually stopped being entitled and coddled, they may actually like us and learn something from us. Unfortunately, I don't really blame any of them, it's their parents fault. One or the both of them. So instead of seeing us as an ali, they are rude and disrespectful. I for the life of me am trying to figure out when being rude and disrepectful to any adult went into style. I completely feel for you here.

You are here

SD's screamed insults at me last night

Comments