SD18 never answers her phone
I've been irritated for awhile now about how SD18, who is generally a foul-tempered, sullen, mess-maker - never answers her phone when her dad calls her. He calls her every night at the same time - and has done this since she was 10. When she and her sister are at BM's house, he wants to say goodnight and I love you.
I always thought this was sweet, and a great way to check in on their mental health while they are at crazy BM's. Lately, SD18 has just not answered, or sent him directly to voicemail. He then calls her little sister, who answers. He asks "Where is SD18? She didn't answer the phone so I want to make sure she is ok." Her sister sounds angry with her and says "She is SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME WATCHING A MOVIE. She won't answer the phone. She ignores it." So, DH tells SD16 to tell SD18 goodnight. When he asks SD18 why she didn't answer, she says "oh, it didn't ring."
My question is, why are we paying for her phone when she has no job, no friends, and doesn't answer when we call her? Are we paying for her scrolling time but not expecting her to answer the phone like a normal person? WTF? Maybe I am being petty, but I think this is just another way for her to express her selfishness and entitledness. DH would probably disagree if I asked him to take her off our plan, but I want to just do it and see if anyone notices. By the way, this is the ONLY bill he pays, even though its my cell phone carrier that I had before I met him. He likes to buy new phones a lot, and charge them to the plan, and I got upset about how high the bill was. So, I told him if he wanted to take over paying the bill, that was fine. So now I pay all the other bills and part of the mortgage, and he pays the other part and the cell phone bill. I was hoping to switch carriers awhile back and remove SD18 when I did that, once he paid off the recent phone, but we decided to stick with our carrier. So, I guess I don't really have a leg to stand on here. I just wanted to vent.
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This is just all IMHO: Why
This is just all IMHO: Why is he calling an 18 yo every single night? That's just overkill. If my parents had done that I woudn't have answered either! Or I'd put my phone on Do Not Disturb. Maybe he needs to cut that back a little.
If she's out of high school, not in school and not working she can get her own phone and plan. There are affordable options out there (I just transferred from one low priced carrier to another, got a new phone AND a year long plan for just over $400 - and I could have got it even cheaper!).
IMHO I don't think it is strange that an 18 year old or even
a teenager in general doesn't want to pick up their phone to talk to their parent every night. Hell, when I was a freshman in college, my parents would call sometimes and I wouldn't want to answer right then even if I wasn't busy because I just didn't feel like talking then. If he wants to tell her that every night, I would suggest he text her every night and call her every couple nights.
To answer your question
To answer your question of why? He loves her and she has untreated bipolar. I think he worries about them when they are at their moms because she BM takes off and leaves them. I agree that they are old enough to take care of themselves. But if they are old enough to take care of themselves, at 18, do we need to pay for her phone if she doesn't want to answer it?
That would be a discussion I would have with
SD. Have your DH tell the 18 year old that is she wants to continue having DH pay for her phone bill then she needs to answer when he reaches out to her. Honestly though I would cut back on the calling every night still. Maybe call half the week and text the other half if he is insisting on calling very often. If she doesn't answer when he reaches out to her, then give her a date to get her own phone plan in order before removing her from the plan. Could even suggest have SD call him instead of him calling her so that it is when she is not in the middle of a movie or something.
When Skids
When skids were at Toxic Trolls, husband gets no interaction. Unless absolutely necessary. Its like they would disappear into some void. Still happens.
When Toxic Troll wants to contact Skid, you can bet skid is right there on the phone though.
Id let that one go. Tell Dh to just stop with the calling shes obviously not going to pick up, worried or not, she just doesnt care. Hard to watch though I know.
It is always a double standard
BM thinks when SD is with us that her wanting to talk to SD when she wants to talk to SD is the upmost priority above everything else, BUT when SD is with BM, it is totally okay that SD is not made available for DH for any and all excuses.
I forgot to add...
Yep, take her off phone bill. For sure. Let BM carry that one.
Pretty simple. Drop her from your plan.
At least then you will no longer paying for her not to answer.
yep sorry I for sure wouldn't
yep sorry I for sure wouldn't be paying for a cell phone for a person if they couldnt respond to me as the provider.
same situation with us, DH text's SD everymorning and never does she respond. Funny though when she is here, the first thing she does in the morning is run to her phone to text BM good morning. It just is irriating.
Its true
Its true. If BM calls, those skids are quick to pick up the phone, but not so much for DH. Also, when they call DH, he'd better answer - or they will call incessantly until he answers. Once he couldn't answer the phone because he was helping me give the cat a bath. They kept harrassing him with calls until he answered, then they demanded he bring them food. Ugh.
SD61 keeps calling, too
When SD61 wants to speak to Daaaad (because she wants something), she calls his phone. If he doesnt answer, which he often doesnt because he's napping, she calls it again. Then she calls the landline but if I see its her I dont answer and he never answers it. So then she calls my cell phone. If I answer, she goes on at length about being unable to contact us. She threatens welfare checks, whatever. The bottom line is, she doesn't stop if she wants contact.
However, if DH calls her, she may or may not answer. This was highlighted recently when he called to tell her we might have car trouble on the way home from where we were and she promised to stand by. We did call later when we were stranded on the side of a highway but she never answered.