Inlaw update
So the inlaws response to everything lately (restraining order, domestic violence charges) is to suck up even more to BM and try as hard as they can to throw it in DHs face through mutual acquaintances, etc. Which isn't shocking. But I really can't imagine the mindset of being abusive to your son and then seeking revenge on him because he doesn't want to be around you anymore. It just blows my mind, I can't imagine ever seeing my kids as the enemy or trying to control them to the extent that they do with DH. I completely accept that that is who they are, but I don't understand it. And it's hard to let go of the anger. And BMs smugness is quite irritating also. Although I can't imagine on her part why the h*ll she would want anything to do with them. MIL and SIL both hated her before and DH said she used to hide in her room when they came to visit. Yet she's desperate for their approval? So weird.
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Nope. Confront toxic, do not suck up to it.
That the IL clan is suggesting this makes them nearly as much of a write off as BM is.
Definitely not to the same
Definitely not to the same degree, but this is why DH has no relationship with his mom and why he won't take care of her while she is slowly killing herself. She put her relationship with the SKs above her son. DH was hurt, but he eventually just cut her off. Sucks for her now because she has lost her grandkids, her son, and ET (since ET doesn't need her anymore to manipulate DH). She and I never built a relationship, and she has burned the bridge so badly now that she won't have a meaningful relationship with baby girl.
All you can do is shake your head and move forward with your life.
Yeah, they're really gonna be
Yeah, they're really gonna be SOL if they ever need family support growing older (and I imagine they will) because SIL has no income and BM sure isn't gonna give them money. Other SILs husband makes good money but doesn't like them and they haven't visited in 6 years. DH sure as heck isn't gonna give them a dime either.
My DH is sort of here, but in
My DH is sort of here, but in a non-confrontational way, so not sure if MIL realizes...she notices that DH is distant and he's had repeatedly conversations with her about how her meddling with BM has driven a wedge between them, but I think she's still pretty clueless. I avoid her if I can, but I'm not sure she realizes how much I despise her and see her as a source of unnecessary drama.
I dont think they can stand
I dont think they can stand having boundaries set. MIL was demanding DH come to their house DH told them flat out that they needed to stop playing favorites and stop talking to BM (he should have probably worded it differently so they understood it was about the meddling) if they want to talk. MIL said she can't control if SIL talks to BM and invites her to things so that's unfair. And then MIL immediately sent some of the stuff DH had just said about BMs to SIL knowing it would get sent to BM. And then sent DH what BM sent to SIL. Literally did exactly what DH had just told her not to. It's a lost cause with these types imo.
Now that she can't unload SD
Now that she can't unload SD onto you and DH, BM needs babysitters. In exchange, she validates FIL/MIL/SIL that they are right and DH is at fault.
Don't worry, snakes eat each other. Just wait for it to unravel.
As far as I know they haven't
As far as I know they haven't actually seen SD recently, it's just online stuff for show, but I could be wrong.
I'm waiting for it all to unravel, but I'm sure they'll hide it.
Give it time.
As time passes, things will probably change. Once BM realizes your DH's no contact stance with his family of origin is permanent and he doesn't care she's thick with them, she may also drop them. Spiting him is surely a big part of why she associates with them, so with you guys out of the equation they may soon turn on each other.
Stay the course. Protect your family from the toxicity, build a happy peaceful life, and stock up on popcorn
I dont think any of them
I dont think any of them believe it's permanent. I think they believe he's just hard assing them to "win" (ya know, like they do) or that it's just me controlling him. But now that he's seen how awful they're willing to be there's no undoing things. Maybe they're STARTING to get it now that they've read DHs statements for the restraining order, but idk. Wait til they find out DH has a job offer 26 hours away from where they live.
Not sure how it will pan out with BM either. My guess is she'll check in every once in awhile to keep them useful for whatever but overall lose interest.
What I really don't get about
What I really don't get about your in-laws is why they think your DH would do anything other than cut them out completely. They seem to keep upping their game, but why would that do anything other than convince your DH that he is right to pretend they no longer exist. They are essentially empowering him, when their desired aim seems to be to undermine him.
I think its just how they've
I think its just how they've always operated. MIL throws fits, cries and rages to get others to comply. Often they do because they're afraid or just don't want to deal with her. She's also an entitled b*tch and I don't think her or SIL really understand why they can't have their way all the time. I'm sure they're confused as he'll that isn't working because DH has always just kinda been oblivious to it and generally complied thinking they were right.