Where does she find these men?
Apparently, BM has a new boyfriend. We know this because second SS finally passed his license test (after 6 or 7 tries) and the car that BM bought for this kid (the one she wanted DH to pay for and insure) is not worth the $5000 she paid for it because it's been "getting fixed" for at least a month. Last time SS was here, he drives up in another car. DH asks him if he got a new car. He replies, "no, it's mom's boyfriend's car." DH inquires as to why previous boyfriend's name has an extra car and is told, "oh, it's not his. He had an alcohol problem, so mom had to get rid of him." Then says, it's the new boyfriend's car and he is a used car dealer, so this is one of the cars from his lot.
As background, BM filed for divorce from exH2 in March or April 2021. At that time, she had already met the last boyfriend. He met SSs immediately. He worked for an airline and in the summer of 2021, one SS tells us they can "fly anywhere for free" because they are "immediate family" to an airline employee (i.e. BM's boyfriend). This all begs the question - if this guy truly had a drinking problem, why was he around with SSs all the time and why was BM going off on road trips with him? BM is also a regular drinker (she even drank through her entire pregnancy with SSs) and in the past (and maybe now) had a thing for prescription drugs, so it's not like she's Miss Sobriety.
We don't know when this boyfriend exited the scene, although earlier in the summer, SSs posted pics on social media of a beach trip with this boyfriend's nieces. All that is to say that this new boyfriend cannot have been around for that long and yet, he is already letting a very new driver take his car for extended periods (the car came to our house for the weekend). It's only a matter of time before the car gets damaged because when he came to our house, SS parked on the edge of our driveway...in a perfect spot for it to be hit by someone backing out of the driveway.
BM met DH in her mid-20s and had never had a boyfriend before then. She is not attractive and her personality is lacking, yet she seems to constantly have new boyfriends lined up before the last one is gone...and each one seems fine with becoming "part of the family" almost immediately...blows my mind.
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Some of us have it and some of us don't
BM obviously has "it", whayever that is. Lol. In my life, I have SD60, a lying, manipulative airhead. Yet, somehow, she married 2 outstandingly stand-up guys, not that either marriage lasted, both divorced her. But, I have known so many pretty, good women who have married guys who disappointed them. What gave SD the insight?
But, some of us have it and some of us don't. At least while BM has a new BF, she's probably off your back.
I also think she's good at
I also think she's good at picking men who are insecure and making them feel good. When she met DH, he had just lost his father unexpectedly and MIL had told him all his life that he wasn't good enough and would die alone if he didn't marry someone by age 25 (the age he met BM).
She has been very quiet, so we should have suspected something. I think she doesn't want DH to know about all of these boyfriends. SSs were sworn to secrecy about her divorce, but told DH when he asked them why stepdad's car had not been at the house and a new car was always around. She later tried to use the divorce to her advantage when she wanted to get DH to take on some responsibility or pay for something addittional. DH is a bit annoyed that these men are basically moving in with his kids and he's hearing nothing about it, but he's learned, over the years, that the best way to interact with BM is to avoid interacting with her at all costs.
Airline employees girlfriend or boyfriends kids not of
That relationship but from a prior relationship do not get free flights and would not be classed as your immediate family would be spouse and minor dependent children meaning your children.
https://www.tripsavvy.com/do-airline-employees-fly-free-2356338
unless they're flying as an employees guest on standby
My sd's especially the eldest who was 22.5 when she reinstated contact with daddy after a 5.5 yr hiatus would rant on non stop on so called perks of affair stepdaddy except it wasn't him. Affair stepdaddy (yup the guy mummy was hobagging whilst married to my husband) not even separated yet, well he has a younger brother who felt sorry that when stepdad had postingsnor courses in another state etc biomum would go along and leave daughters home (this was when they had ended contact for several years already) and he felt sorry and as he works allegedly for an oil and gas company o/seas, out of the goodness of his heart bought airline tickets to japan from malaysia where they live
i say allegedly because their stories change all the time and not long later sd's show a pic of them on train and apparently bio mum was with them and it was an alleged family holiday. So there was no bullshi* loaded rich stepuncle who bought you that ticket?
sd's are exact replicas of their mum, always need to one up everyone so they always sell this bullshi* story how more upperclass and refined they are, how rich and fancy they are because daddy married a eurasian woman from Australia when we're just laidback simpletons. It gets so tiring to hear.
i guess biomum is fuming that a few months after divorce was finalised, hubby rose up as vp and snr vp so his salary jumped about 7 times while she married a policeman in secret due to their sordid affair and he left his wife to marry her.
Oh yes, I knew that they a)
Oh yes, I knew that they a) were not immediate family (guy had been BM's boyfriend for mere months at that point); and b) that you can't just fly whereever you want, even if you are immediate family, but it's so like BM (and Skids) to brag about things like this. As soon as BM knew DH and I were engaged, she demanded that DH add SKids to my health insurance and told him she was now entitled to my salary....um, no, BM, that's not how it works. Also, this former boyfriend had only gotten his job at the airline very recently and did something in maintenance, so he wasn't exactly a high flyer.
Haha lol what a typical hcgubm
Doesn't even feel financially responsible for her own kids but ex-partners fiance must be financially responsible for skids and cover her kids health insurance and your salary is now her salary.
if your fiance loses his job, you are forewarned now that this shameless ex will tell him that you are now financially responsible for cs payments to his kids. She is never to get a job or be made to be jointly financially responsible for her own kids.
by her way of thinking your fiance is now entitled to her bf's salary and your skids should be on his health insurance but we all know biomum will lose her shit over that
reminds me of a judge judy show where a divorced mum intentionally from a high corporate jop with yearly salary of 120k and college educated, decided after divorce for a career change to work customer service.
she was now working in a supermarket as checkout person on minimum wage about 30k a year. She said her ex should be responsible for more cs as her previous salary of 120k was no longer
oh did judge judy rip it into her that she intentionally made that career change knowing she was jointly financially responsible and had financial obligations for a minor kid. She is perfectly capable of working at above 100k salary. Her claims of mental illness and why she needed a career change never flied with judge judy.
she upheld cs was meant to be at 120k salary as after divorce the womab lost custody and the dad was solely caring for his kid. She was trying to get out of parenting their kid and being financially responsible.
Sounds familiar. ET's BFs are
Sounds familiar. ET's BFs are always "great" or "a better father than DH" or "the love of her life" after a few mere days/weeks with her. One time she was engaged to a dude she had known for a month and XH#2 was still living with her/taking care of the kids while she was out doing whatever. She got engaged to XH#3 about 2 weeks after meeting him and married less than a month later, and she had met him less than 2 weeks after she broke up with a BF she had been seeing for 3-5 months.
They're all great until they upset her, then the accusations fly. He was a cheater, or drug user, or secretly gay (that was XH#3). The only one who she didn't trash was the one who she was engaged to while still married to XH#2, and he was a registered sex offender (which we found out after the fact and led DH and I to look up all these fools when we found out their names).
I have no idea where she finds these men, but I do know she is a personality chameleon. She will reshape who she is for the person she is with. It's probably super easy to find someone - anyone - when your bar is buried below the ground and you don't have any qualms with changing who you are to keep someone.
And no, ET is not a super model. She's not hideous, but she's not conventionally attractive. She also has no money. Or steady employment (usually). Or a reliable vehicle. Or an advanced education. So the men she finds tend to be in a similar pool.
Personality cameleons tend to
Personality cameleons tend to have no real personality of their own. The chances are that she was the one dumped by her various men when they realized there was nothing behind the façade ... Hence the virulence of the reasons for why she dumped them.
No doubt. She told DH
No doubt. She told DH (because she way overshares with him) that XH#3 left her because he couldn't handle being in an open relationship with her (along with taking care of his dying grandfather). She told the kids that he accused her of cheating but she knew he was having a relationship with a male coworker. So while she didn't say she left him, she definitely painted herself as the victim.
Same with Thanksgiving BF. He "broke her truck" and was begging to get back with her, which she wouldn't do because he broke her truck. She forgot to add that he kicked her out BEFORE he broke her truck because she said that his DD needed to "get over it" that her mother was dead because it "had been five years already" and the DD needed to just accept ET's authority. Note: that relationship lasted less than 2 months.
SMH
So much wrong there. Who TF does she think she is?!
Yeah, the level of story
Yeah, the level of story-spinning to maintain status as the constant victim is exhausting...and also completely unbelievable to anyone with a brain.
I wonder if my SSs are starting to wise up to the fact that BM always seems to have problems with people and it can't possible always be the other person's fault...especially since they actually know some of these people (including ex-stepdad and BM's former best friend, who lived with them, who SSs called their "aunt"...DH should be part of that list, but years of alienation means that they have been thoroughly convinced that his sole purpose in life is to "make BM look bad").
Ah yes, sounds like BM,
Ah yes, sounds like BM, except at least now she's smart enough not to marry them...or doesn't marry them because she has so many problems with the IRS. BM is not totally hideous, but not attractive. One of her front teeth is graying and she always has too much makeup (including fake eyelashes that she cannot figure out how to apply without making them look off kilter) and overly processed hair. She is also what would nicely be described as "round". She had weight loss surgery before the divorce from DH and lost some weight, but has now gained it all back. I'm not a big fan of weight-shaming and I've gained weight since being married to DH and having a child, but the fellas are not usually taken in by someone who is carrying extra pounds (several hundred extra pounds in BM's case).
BM does make a lot of money (not that we would know how much, since she has hidden her income at every mediation she's demanded and underreported it on their divorce documents (she was working for herself at the time)), so my assumption is that she pays for things for them. For example, ExH2 moved into the home she and DH had been renting with his child, before the divorce with DH had even been finalized. ExH2 was also a "beautiful, beautiful man" and "more of a dad than you'll ever be", she also told Skids that he was "their real dad" and they didn't have to listen to DH anymroe. Now ExH2 is (according to Skids), "not the man he pretended to be...." and overly dramatic SS (who called ExH2 "my dad" and talked about how much he loved him) calls him "my mom's ex husband". We never heard all the great things about the last boyfriend, because BM was hiding her divorce from DH (she told Skids "you can't tell your father about the divorce because he'll use it against me", not sure how or why DH would do that, he basically ignores BM), but now apparently that boyfriend "had an alcohol problem". I'm assuming he offended her in some way or maybe he wised up to her craziness and decided to leave on his own. I was expecting that boyfriend to become future ExH3, but maybe this new guy will.
Everytime I hear about your
Everytime I hear about your BM, I just picture an alternate universe version of ET. They sound so very similar. If ET had money, she'd likely be in the same IRS boat. I want to know what combination of environment + biology leads to this kind of outcome in people.
In my case, I think BM has
In my case, I think BM has been emboldened by always getting away with everything. After she and DH divorced he went to the IRS since money was getting taken from her pay. He got several innocent spouse rulings (BM is a CPA after all and DH is blue collar, so it's clear who was managing (or not managing) the taxes in the household) and the IRS also wanted him to testify against BM in a tax fraud case. DH refused because he didn't want her to go to jail...and the IRS never did anything about it. In one mediation, she shared tax returns for herself and H#2...it was clear there was tax fraud going on...and she should be flagged in the system, but apparently, she's not. She also had an accounting partner she worked with who broke up the partnership because he thought she was embezzling money (she knew this because she went to his desk and read the emails he had been sending to others)...no charges, again, just ended the partnership.
She tells outrageous lies all the time - to DH's family, to Skid's school, to Skids...and her version of events is always accepted as true...so, she has never had to face any consequences. DH used to tell me that he thought BM "couldn't help" but be manipulative and I'm not really sure what he meant by that...but I feel that it was him giving her bad behavior a pass and likely others did as well.
Overall, BM is extremely emotionally immature and like any other child, pushes the limits of what she can get away with. Because she is always able to make herself look like a victim, she is able to get away with a lot. I bet ET operates in a similar manner, playing on the fact that people feel bad for her...and likely believing that she is a victim herself and "deserves" whatever benefits she derives as a result of that narrative.
Where does she find these men
Match, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Facebook dating...
I'm assuming she meets them
I'm assuming she meets them at the casino...her favorite hang out.
Lovebombing
Satan pretended to love everything DH loved, it was all a lie.
Yes, that is BM's MO as well.
Yes, that is BM's MO as well. DH said that she acted like he was the best guy in the world....until he wasn't...then he was the worst guy in the world. Classic splitting. In DH's case, he had low self-esteem due to years of criticism by MIL and was also grieving for his beloved father (he met BM mere months after his father had passed). I guess these other guys must be in similar circumstances.
Swipe right.
Anyone can be anything to all people in an online persona. Test driving in person before commiting should be a given. Really no differnet than the days of meeting someone in person, building interest in both parties, and working the path forward ... or moving on when something goes wrong.
Unfortunately, lub is something that can be done solely via electron based communications these days. People actually meet others on line, dump a mate, and move on without ever laying actual eyes on the new partner.
Then the everyone cries, get all butt hurt, and are shocked and surprised when the new cyber mate does not live up to the bill of goods. Sadly, this usually cuts both ways for those in these relationships.
What's weird about these guys
What's weird about these guys is that they basically move in almost immediately. The last boyfriend had his own house, but he was always at BM's, according to Skids, and his car was always there at drop off. And this new guy - who can't have been around for more than a month or so, since previous BF was still on the scene at the start of the summer - is already loaning his car to SS (a kid who has had his license for weeks...literally weeks). It's weird to me to jump in to being serious so quickly. It's definitely BM's MO, but I don't know how she finds all these men (who are now in their late 40s / early 50s) who are so gung ho to play house immediately.
Play into their ego, let them
Play into their ego, let them be the knight in shining armor, and offer up all the sex.
Seriously. Play up being the "poor single mom" in need of someone who can take care of her after all the "abusive relationships" before and be able to deep throat a cucumber and you're in. You have to remember that these men have standards just as high as BM does, and they are looking to get something stroked out of the situation. It's two users using until they're dried up. The men who likely don't know this is happening are the younger ones with less life experience, but they're not interested in BM. So she trades naivete for low standards.
I was going to say
Perhaps BM can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, but you beat me to it.