You are here

Major drama - more than the ear

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/31/2022 - 4:16pm

So I've written before that SS11 announced he's transgender. We don't think he is. The therapist he saw a couple of times doesn't think he is. We don't have a problem either way but we're not on board with hitting the gas pedal without real knowledge, research and professional support.

BM and her parents spoil him rotten (he got $1500 worth of stuff for "graduating" 5th grade last week) and treat him like the golden one.

Sunday, a couple of hours after he went to her house, she texted that he wants his ear pierced. DH said no, he's not on board with anything permanent until SS is older and more responsible.

She called DH today (with her parents on the line) to tell him she took SS anyway. He and I don't support him and aren't letting him be who he is. He doesn't want us at his baseball game tonight.

DH is furious, hurt, frustrated. To put it mildly. I fear I played a part in it -- or will get blamed for it.

Comments

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Tue, 05/31/2022 - 4:21pm

You should really stay out of this other than lending an ear to DH.

If DH was opposed and the therapist is questioning, then it is time to reach out to a lawyer.  These types of disagreements will probably become more common.

That being said, a pierced ear is not really permanent.  Stop wearing an earring and the hole closes.  While this incident is not a big deal in my opinion, it is an indicator of potentially bigger issues down the road, eg hormones.  So, DH should talk to a lawyer.

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/31/2022 - 4:27pm

Oh, I absolutely plan to stay out of it. I just hope no one tries to drag me in.

And, no, a pierced ear isn't something to start WWIII over. It's more the McGuffin (TM Hitchcock) I guess. BM and DH have always worked well together. It appears things may be about to get very messy.

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Tue, 05/31/2022 - 5:06pm

You are wise to step drama to fear getting blamed!

I do think a talk with a lawyer is a good idea.  The earring is one thing, but there could be more down the road.  Doesn't hurt for DH to know what his rights are.

 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 05/31/2022 - 4:33pm

talk about mountain out of molehill! Golden Child needs to have no choice about visiting daddy cakes.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 06/01/2022 - 7:23am

I think the bigger problem here is that BM thinks she can veto the BD rights as a parent. 

I agree that this may be time for a lawyer to get involved. Being "Other than" heterosexual is a fad right now. It drives my kids crazy at school. EVERYONE wants to be "different" for attention but it just winds up that 50% of the school is now "different" which means they aren't "special" that way either. Other than calls for attention. 

I think a therapist is definitely in order. If he is trans, then he is. But even among those in the LGBTQ community, less than .06% of people are trans. So the chances that he is are probably pretty small, but he is being exposed to so many things that we were not, so he has questions- which is natural. All we can be is supportive but also make sure that he has the help he needs if he does identify as other than heterosexual. I think that it is more likely that BM took a nugget of curiosity from him and turned it into something about her and her "SpEciAl" child. 

I would have it ordered that SS receives counseling from a therapist that both parents agree on, that both parents attend family counseling with SS and that nothing permanent or hormonal is allowed to happen until SS is at least 16 yrs old (I wish it was 18!!). 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Wed, 06/01/2022 - 7:39am

'EVERYONE wants to be "different" '

"But you are unique darling ... just like everyone else"

Smile

Hastings's picture

Submitted by Hastings on Wed, 06/01/2022 - 11:18am

Thanks for all the input. I do think therapy is called for. And, yes, she may be latching onto this. She believes everything SS says, even though he tends to lie or get things wrong.

The latest gem: she told DH yesterday that she thinks I'm the one driving the train on this and causing the trouble. That I'm trying to drive a wedge between DH and SS and urging him toward not accepting SS. Nothing could be further. I follow DH's lead and support him, giving input when he asks. Anyway, it $&@"&& him off.

My guess is SS blames me for the rules and stuff and I make an easy scapegoat for everyone. BM and I have never had a problem before now.