Toxic MIL Strikes Again

DH and I are visiting DH's hometown this weekend because BIL and SIL are visiting from out of state. We made plans with BIL and SIL to have dinner tonight. We didn't find out that they invited MIL and other BIL to go with us until a few days ago. I told DH fine that I would go and be civil to MIL like I always am.

So DH, DD and I load up and we go to dinner. MIL comes up and hugs/greets every single person: DH, BIL, SIL, other BIL and DD... completely ignores me. DH calls MIL out for it and she goes "oops I must have overlooked her because I was so focused on the baby (DD)." Whatever. So we are sitting and chatting with everyone and DD is being passed between DH, MIL, and SIL. DH said to me "DD has been held quite a lot, why don't we put her in her carseat for a bit." So I did. No more than 5 minutes later, DD starts to cry, MIL yanks DD out of her carseat and starts going "Mommy is so terrible for putting you in there. She's just so mean isn't she..." and she kept repeating it. I was pissed. DH didn't hear it the first time, but he did hear MIL when she repeated it the second time. DH confronted MIL stating "I told CastleJJ to put DD in her carseat." MIL just gave DH a look like "oh I didn't know" as she smirked. MIL was trash talking me to my 6 week old daughter... I told DH after we left that access to our daughter is a privilege, not a right and I will cut all access to MIL if needed. She is not going to badmouth me to my daughter. I also told DH that I will stop coming to family events if MIL cannot be civil.

Also, DH and I are building a house. My Dad is in the garage door industry so we have a beautiful $8k garage door that is waiting to be installed. The builder requested that we wait on installing the door until construction is done to prevent damage from happening to it. So my Dad installed a temporary door made out of a random assortment of panels: two black ones, one tan one, and two wood tone ones. Its ugly but it gets the job done. All MIL could talk about tonight was how hidious our garage door is. DH kept reiterating that it is only temporary but she kept going on about it... "its not what I would have picked" or "your neighbors must love you." Even when the topic had been long changed, she kept bringing it up.

God I hate this woman. I have never done anything to her. I have been civil and polite since day 1, but she thinks I am some rich trust fund kid (I'm not) that is spoiled rotten. All while she is 62 years old and on her 5th boyfriend since her and FIL got divorced. They have only been together for 6 weeks and she is sooo in love and they are moving in together. MIL needs to cut the high school drama and grow up!

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She sounds horrendous.

Wouldn't you just love to punch her smug face in?

I can't stand people who passively aggressively put other people down through conversations with a third party, eg your daughter.

That's the funny thing - she

That's the funny thing - she would never say it directly to my face.

When I met DH, he wasn't close to MIL; he told me that he was the black sheep of the family and MIL didn't care to have a relationship with him. This was because DH was a second marriage baby that MIL didnt really want but had to appease FIL. This has been proven true time and time again. MIL never calls him, texts him, or sees him. If we ask her to visit or try to visit her, she makes up excuses why she cant. When DH was laid off, she offered no support. She offered no support (emotional or otherwise) while we were going through our custody battle with BM. But when both BILs are visiting or it's a holiday, suddenly we are good enough and she demands a visit "so her whole family is together again."

A few years ago, MIL told both BILs that I was stealing DH and alienating him from his family. We brought lunch to her office to visit and MIL stated this again to DH, right in front of me. She said I am a spoiled rich kid and me and my family are buying DH's love; that he was only with me for the money. Here's the thing - my parents are middle class. My Dad was a firefighter and worked two jobs to make ends meet and my Mom was a SAHM. Everything they have, they worked so hard for and they have managed to build a pretty great life for themselves. DH has never asked for a dime or been interested in me for "my money." I stood up, looked at MIL, and explained that she was alienating DH all on her own; that maybe she should pick up a phone once in a while, because we had lived in the same town as MIL (compared to my parents 2 hours away) for 3 years and had only seen her once. I explained that if I was truly alienating DH from his family, wouldn't I alienate the whole family? We have an awesome relationship with FIL (her ex) and i explained that I talk to FIL's GF every single day and we do family dinners at least once per week. I explained that DH liked the fact that my family spent time together and enjoyed spending time with him and that they look out for him and provide support (emotional and otherwise) when needed. I reminded her that I was the only one of MIL'a side who supported DH through many of life's curveballs while MIL couldn't be bothered to even send a text. I told MIL I would not tolerate the disrespect. Then I walked out and told DH I would wait in the car.

Later that night, she texted me to "apologize" by saying that it's clear DH "made his choice." Funny thing is, MIL was the only one making it a competition with only one winner. She has never directly said anything negative to me again.

Standing ovation!

You don't need to subject

You don't need to subject yourself to the old bat's company ever again.

You have a good relationship with your FIL and his wife - THEY are your hubby's "family of choice".

Wipe the b'&ch clean from your lives. She's not necessary. And as you and others have said, you don't want her badmouthing you to your child, EVER.

If she does it to DD when she

If she does it to DD when she is an infant she'll keep doing it to her when she is older and can actually understand. I'd not allow her around your kid unsupervised like ever. What an awful person. She sounds absolutely the worst. I am sorry you are dealing with this horror

That's what I told DH. If MIL

That's what I told DH. If MIL is trash talking me to our daughter now, she will continue to do it at 3, 6, 9, 12, etc. I do not want MIL around DD if she is going to continue this behavior.

What A Witch

I'm 60....two years younger than your MIL. I would NEVER treat someone like this! How horrible! I'm sorry you have to deal with such a hateful woman but proud of you and your DH for standing up to that witch. As for what she did to your baby? Oh, hell no. That would be her last time to be around my child. Ever.

Stand strong.

Same here

I'm stb 61.5 and would never dream of doing such a thing! Horrific! I have a DS, DIL and GDD. Back the parents 100% Even if I disagreed with something I would keep my mouth shut.

Your MIL is a complete PASer.

She sounds like a hateful woman

I think you should be done with her.

Aaaaaaaaand that would be the

Aaaaaaaaand that would be the last time I'd subject myself or my child to MIL's toxicity.

If you choose to be around her again, the minute she starts her toxic caca is the minute you leave. What a B.

She'd be getting notified,

She'd be getting notified, either right now or in the future if she asks to see your kiddo,

"We have decided not to allow you to use our child as a weapon to attack me. Since you choose that path we have decided to keep you in the distance from now on. This is a direct result of your words and actions."

Hey, AgedOut,

You nailed it!

Ugh! I hope your DH was

Ugh! I hope your DH was suitably grateful. Seeing a grandchild is a privilege and toxic people don't deserve that privilege.

The latest with my MIL is that she complains to SSs that we never invite her over, so she can't see DD. And tells them that we must be angry with her. She doesn't say anything to either of us, only to others. It's true, we rarely invite her over because she pulls the same passive aggressive toxic BS as your MIL and then plays the innocent old lady who doesn't know any better. The last time she was at my house was when she arranged to meet BM here at pickup and just walked into my home unannounced and uninvited. She then took my daughter out of her high chair (where I had put her to keep her corralled while we carved pumpkins) and then put her on the ground and walked away. So, she's not only toxic, but also constantly creating problems for others to fix. She also seems absent minded around children, so I'm not overly interested in her spending time with DD alone.

STFU you cantankerous old wench or you will never hold my DD

again.

When she goes off on the garage door, tell her it is time to get hearing aids because obviously her advanced age has impacted her hearing as she was told repeatedly that it is a temporary door used during the construction state. Then ask her how happy her neighbors will be when her cranky old ass leaves the neighborhood she has been infesting for far too long.

Next time, tell your BIL that there will be no more sneaking his and DH's bitch of a mother into future dinner dates.

Stop being her unvocal victim and go for her throat publically and as brutally as necessary to get her to crawl under and stay under her slime covered rock. People like her only understand being humiliated. So, humiliate her.

"DD6mos, come here my love, lets keep you away from the cranky old wicked witch until she learns to be civil or just keep her mouth shut." Do it In front of everyone.