Psycho SD
DH and I have an ours baby (6 months now). I have posted a lot on here how SD11 is jealous and totally univolved with DS. She pretty much just ignores him. It's whatever, and I try to not let it get to me. Heck, it's probably for the best that they don't have a relationship.
Well, last night I saw a totally different side of her. SD11 was baking cookies. I'm walking by with DS in my arms. SD opens the door to the oven and goes "In you go!" to our DS.
Even though I'm, disengaged, I IMMEDIATELY told her that was she was saying was MEAN. Of course she counters "I was just jokingggggg." I told her she wasn't funny and walked off. DH was outside and I went told him he needs to go talk to his daughter.
Of course SD was extra pouty today since she "got in trouble."
But seriously though, WHO says those kinds of things? She's a pre-teen, not a toddler. She knows the difference between right and wrong. She is SO quick to say other people are being mean, but she says the most evil things. She's the victim. BM 2.0 in the making.
I don't EVER leave her alone with the baby. I don't let her hold him. Sh!t SD says like this are the things that make me stay disengaged. I have ZERO desire to do anything nice for her or even be around her. Guess I'm just looking for confirmation that staying disengaged is the right thing to do?
I don't know either of you
I don't know either of you personally, obviously, but in isolation this just sounds like she has a weird sense of humor.
I talked to my sister about
I talked to my sister about it and she said the same about dark humor.... Except SD11 isn't the funny/silly type. Very serious and sensitive. Internalizes everything that is said to her. Also, she totally ignores DS. Why "joke" with someone that you love to pretend doesn't exist??
I know brothers/sisters can have a love/hate relationship... but where do you draw the line where there is OBVIOUSLY no love?
The fact she said she was
The fact she said she was "just joking " is a dead giveaway she knew she was being mean. Our BM used that line (probably still does) when dishing out her form of humor. Taught the skids to do it too. It's not normal to cover up your mean comments as just a joke. Stay disengaged. Keep her away from the little one. Any sibling love should come from dad's direction and since you didn't mention what he's doing to foster that, you be the champion for your son. (My BD 12 has no relationship with 3 skids. It's for the best)
100% this. It's only when you
100% this. It's only when you're close that you can joke around like that. If they're not close and she's just jealous, then she was doing it to be mean and scare a toddler. 1000% keep her away from your BS.
Without knowing much about
Without knowing much about your SD, it does sound to me like you are overeacting somewhat. If SD has a jealous nature then she is unlikely to bond with your son, someone she sees as competition for Dad's love and affection. I would definitely be careful to never leave her alone with DS but otherwise, maybe try to not react so much next time and get her in trouble with her Dad as that's likely to only worsen the relationship and her hatred of both you and DS.
I would have said "after you,
I would have said "after you, let me turn it up, and thanks for doing the rest of us a favor". Humor can go both ways.
If she liked DS, I'd say it
If she liked DS, I'd say it was a joke, but since she pretends he doesn't exist, it's clearly NOT a joke. I'd keep an eye on him too.
My situation - she was 5 and
My situation - she was 5 and said with much glee that the night before she put a pillow over my infants head and killed her.
Assuming it was a dream? The excitement in her story was scary both me and her father were bothered by the 'story'. Was brought to family as discussion on what to do.
Of course it was brushed off because prodigy child is perfect.
It's been 2 years since that occurence. She had since turned violent towards the younger siblings and was getting the kids bigger than her in trouble and found joy in watching them getting in 'trouble' - with a smile on her face mid tearful wales of saddness.
She has not been in my home for the last 8 months - I've also been excluded from that side of the family as well my younger children.
I've most recently had some discussion with one of the family members after this time regarding the matter with statements such as she is just a child so i will be her advocate and her voice. With a repeated phrase of she is just a child.
My response was - and I am my childrens voice and advocate as I am their mother and when is enough, enough. The behaviors have gotten worse over time -- not the same nor even close to better, but worse.
Fortunately/Unfortunely however you wish to look at it.. she also has intellectual disabilities.. I also work in mental health. What that says to me after no one wishes to ponder the idea of she needs more assistance in life past the every day rambles is that she is; unpredictable, unsafe, unstable, most importantly lacking the care and assistance she needs that I am not able to provide nor do I care to lessen the attention of my own towards her when me and her father have been the only ones concerned. The rest don't believe.
As a mother - protector - of my children - I am not willing to let unpredictable around my children when the path that has been pathed as physically abusive. The only thing they share in life is the DNA from their father and on that reason alone does not mean they have to endure her world that is okayed by everyone else around her.
That being said.. talk to your SO, if he is able and willing get her some counseling if you think it would help. In my scenario he only has every other weekend and though he does have the capacity regarding healthcare decisions, he could set up whatever he wants, but is not able to assure her attendance during her denying mothers time outside of his every other weekend. When the subject is approached it is a scream fest of their is nothing wrong with her, how dare he say it, ect until he either walks away or hangs up the phone.