Behaviour of a 14 year old
Hi all.
New to this forum, looking for a place to vent, get advice and talk to likeminded people 
It looks like I have come to the right place. Anyway, I have been married five years and have a stepson aged 14. No children of my own yet, and very little experience with children in general.
My stepsons mother has been ill with covid and he has been staying with us for several weeks now. He is usually only with us every other weekend. And that is enough for me. I am going insane now, and I will probably burn in hell for saying this, but I cannot wait until he leaves.
His recent prolonged stay has made me wonder though, what is normal behaviour for 14 year old boys?
This one is incapable of pretty much everything. He cannot make his own sandwich, does not clean up and tidy after himself, does not make his bed, leaves a complete mess everywhere with clothes, dishes, leftover food etc. He needs to be reminded to wash his hands, shower, and brush his teeth. And even when reminded he usually doesn't bother. He has to sleep with a light on and the door open. He follows us around the house and I have not had a moment to myself (unless I lock myself in the bathroom) since he arrived. He speaks with a "baby voice" and all he really wants to do is sit on his fathers lap or cuddle with him on the sofa. It seems that he has no friends, no hobbies, no interests whatsoever.
Is this normal? Will it ever get better? I feel absolutely exhausted from this and I desperately need a moment to myself soon. But it seems like he will be staying for a few more weeks.
So if he was EOWE he probably
So if he was EOWE he probably wasn't comfortable doing all the normal house stuff in your house, at first, since he was used to being more like a guest. But after a week or two he should know how to make his own sandwich and be more settled in.
But 14 year olds are lazy and won't entertain or take care of themselves if they don't have to. Cuddling with his dad seems like a bit much... Some kids seem to struggle with becoming teenagers and not being little kids that can get by with being cute anymore.
The baby voice and the
The baby voice and the cuddling would make me cringe ... at 14?! If you don't want him following you around tell him to go and tidy his room. Do not allow food or drink anywhere other than the kitchen/dining table. This is your home, you make the rules. Make sure your husband knows he'll be enforcing them
14 is an awful age for boys.
14 is an awful age for boys. But this one sounds like no one has taught him basic life skills or set any limits on him ever.
When he follows you around
Redirect him. As is your bed made,? Please make it. Did you wash the dishes.? Please wash the dishes. The lawn needs cutting. Please cut the lawn. If not done he sent to his room. ( away from you). Ect,
14 yo boy should have chores to do. Every day. He can keep hid room clean, dishes, lawn As a parent you must teach or parent a kid yo become a useful adult. Useful adults must know how to cook, clean, and not to smell. And live with by themselves.
Welcome to the site!
"Cannot" make his own sandwich? Of course he can. Dump the bread and butter in front of him and tell him to get on with it. But sitting on his Dad's lap at 14? That's creepy.
It really is creepy and it
It really is creepy and it sure makes me cringe. I am actually surprised my DH doesn't feel the same, but I guess perhaps it's different when it's your own spawn. I don't know. DH feels attacked and gets very defensive when I try to talk to him about it. I guess he is your typical disney dad.
Thanks for all your advice! I know I should speak up more.
Honestly, I wish I would have demanded he participated in general househould chores from day one, I must admit I feel a little uncomfortable starting now. But I will try and see how it goes! I guess I can't really complain if I don't try to fix the problem.
IF your DH is on board
Make some changes.
When your husband is defensive about his lil poopsie, just say the following:
"Its in his BEST interest!"
"Its to HELP him".
"Look how happy he is with his ACCOMPLISHMENTS, he will be HAPPIER doing things for himself/havinga clean room/washing himself"
Make it about improving his precious childs life, not about criticising. You are "just wanting to help the child because you like/care about/love/ want better for this child".
Remember
Madam, Please remember that his mother has Covid and that has to be incredibly frightening for a child. I hope he is vaccinated and can go see his mom soon.
my 15 year old step son
my 15 year old step son doesnt have friend, only his cousins. he also doesnt clean himself and lies when i ask him, he stinks. , i have the 15 year and 8 old boys every tother weekend and i freaking hate it and cant wait till they leave, your not alone.
Not allowing a stench generating teen in your home....
Is your right. Don't allow him in your home or vehicles unless he is freshly bathed, wearing clean clothes, and can pass a smell test. Literally.
A back yard hose down with Dawn dish soap will address the problem is more reasonable demands are not met.
No one has a right to stink. Their choice to emit stench does not trump everyone else's right to not suffer the stank.
and my partner is very
and my partner is very defensive about the 15 year old
Time to give your "partner"
Time to give your "partner" clarity. The stench of his spawn ends now. PERIOD! Or, his prior failed family progeny does not have access to your home/cars while emitting stench.